Breaking Free

indexMany of the blogs I do are football ones,  hosted on certain sites; this blog is my personal diary that I share to the world. Some would never dare open their heart and mind to strangers, but me, I have to. It is like a song writer, they write about themselves, then sing it to people, for me this is no different, I am just throwing my thoughts into words, this is about my 200th blog in all. And I would be lost without this ability, even though sometimes it takes, like this blog, half an hour to write as my hands and wrists get sore. This blog page has now had over 30,000 reads. And many people write back, or email whatever. This is why writing helps, it allows me to explore my mind as well as others who live the same

I called this one breaking free, and the heading I just came up with, it had meaning at the time, now I write about the heading, this is my way. Other writers I know have others ways, I think of how I am feeling, get a header for it and just start typing, I have been told I am not bad at it, but this is not important

Breaking Free from what? For me it is myself. My pain, my thoughts sometimes and the agony I live in, also the thoughts that rattle around this head I have. It is hard, in-fact, sometimes unbearable, and I try and write when I have good and bad days, today is bad. The weather is bad, the cold kills me, in the sense that it just makes my body go rigid and my mind go to places I would rather it didn’t

So how do you break free? The answer is, you can’t, all you can do is take a deep breath and go on. As my family busy themselves with every day stuff, for me, today, this is me busying myself, stuck on a seat having to stand up every now and then because of the pain. I had a discussion the other day with a lad I know who is disabled, and he is about the same level as me, he lives in pain, so talking helps, but for me writing is better. Anyone can read this. Some will like it, some hate it, some mock it, some laugh at it, but I have never cared really. If someone reaches back who lives like this, then it was worth sitting down and writing this or any other blog on this page

I know I will never be able to break free, but some things can’t be taken from me, love, compassion, and other human emotions. I dropped the Hard Man act many years ago, when you have young kids, it just comes with the territory, you do it without thinking, you just develop a sense of doing the right thing

One day, and I hope this day arrives, one day with no pain. Or at least one day with minimum pain. As for the last 8 years the pain has steadily got worse. I am told by the hospital and my Dr they think it has peaked, and I hope it has, as days like this, where every part of my body aches, I long for to break free and have just one day

Shaun

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