I know this is hard to believe but I have NO mental health issues, not one, the pain gets me. How I act in my own house get me, 1 second I am smiling, then “IT” arrives, like a dose of the shits, just from nowhere
This happens to me say, once or twice a year. I suffer depression, but not because of the same reasons as others, because of the pain. Tonight I stood on my daughters scooter and hurt my knee, I couldn’t shout at her, she is only 3 for god’s sake, but the anger at being in pain is strong and annoying and right now, as I say, I am thinking about ways to “Just go”
I know I won’t, but these feelings are nothing I can control. I wish I could just snap out of them, but after many scans and talking to “Experts” Yeah people about 20 years old with a book and a certificate, I am left to deal with it alone, as I can’t and won’t allow my family to know
I will tell you all why this came on also. I got an email from India about 2 hours ago, telling me a football (Soccer to all you Americans) side called Glasgow Rangers were going to die as in “Be no more” So with much rejoice I went onto Twitter and tweeted “I only popped my head in to say “Yeeesss #BlueDust is close” or words to that affect. I have been involved in this story almost a year, and have really blogged hard on various sites. This club cheated the UK taxpayers out of £150 Million, and I was one of many who were blogging and asking for the truth, I got heavy into the story. People on Social Media sites NEED to know words hurt. Sure “Turn them off” or “Block them” is easy. but it isn’t that easy. Besides, this isn’t the full issue, this would be unfair on them, and a bastard I am not
Anyway a lad I have more respect for than many on Twitter Tweeted “I was out of order” then blocked me. Not that it matters, as I am not tweeting. Just sharing blogs with friends and family and anyone who wants to read them, this hurt, a lot. I blocked myself, through my router from allowing my PC/Laptop/Phone and IPad from getting access to Twitter, as we all know, its addictive as smoking. My partner is taking my Daughters to bed, so I used her laptop. I need to share. I don’t know why, and I wish I didn’t want to, really
So I am just blogging to say, suicide happens to people who sometimes don’t want to die, they do it as a cry for help, and die, the reason I know this is, as I said I work voluntarily with people who are suicidal and depressed etc, and many tell me after a suicide attempt “Thank god I didn’t die”
It will pass. It always does. But this is one reason people need to wake up to toying with the emotions of people who are disabled. It isn’t just the pain, its dealing with the pain that is the bastard
I will be ok, I just hit rock bottom. I fight in life, so I know I will be ok. I did this blog to share at a moment’s notice, so I blog this RIGHT NOW, as this is how I feel this second
Some laugh, some care, some don’t, that isn’t relative to me, and I am sharing. And if somewhere there is a person feeling the same, maybe they might read this and not kill themselves
Trust me, once you’re gone, you’re gone, PLEASE!!
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