tumblr_naj8d8qPlL1sl6wyio1_500Still a very taboo subject, many won’t talk about it, many won’t admit to it, I do, and as I sit here at 19:47pm starting this blog, I am thinking off reasons to NOT end my life.

I know this is hard to believe but I have NO mental health issues, not one, the pain gets me. How I act in my own house get me, 1 second I am smiling, then “IT” arrives, like a dose of the shits, just from nowhere

This happens to me say, once or twice a year. I suffer depression, but not because of the same reasons as others, because of the pain. Tonight I stood on my daughters scooter and hurt my knee, I couldn’t shout at her, she is only 3 for god’s sake, but the anger at being in pain is strong and annoying and right now, as I say, I am thinking about ways to “Just go”

I know I won’t, but these feelings are nothing I can control. I wish I could just snap out of them, but after many scans and talking to “Experts” Yeah people about 20 years old with a book and a certificate, I am left to deal with it alone, as I can’t and won’t allow my family to know

I will tell you all why this came on also. I got an email from India about 2 hours ago, telling me a football (Soccer to all you Americans) side called Glasgow Rangers were going to die as in “Be no more” So with much rejoice I went onto Twitter and tweeted “I only popped my head in to say “Yeeesss #BlueDust is close” or words to that affect. I have been involved in this story almost a year, and have really blogged hard on various sites. This club cheated the UK taxpayers out of £150 Million, and I was one of many who were blogging and asking for the truth, I got heavy into the story. People on Social Media sites NEED to know words hurt. Sure “Turn them off” or “Block them” is easy. but it isn’t that easy. Besides, this isn’t the full issue, this would be unfair on them, and a bastard I am not

Anyway a lad I have more respect for than many on Twitter Tweeted “I was out of order” then blocked me. Not that it matters, as I am not tweeting. Just sharing blogs with friends and family and anyone who wants to read them, this hurt, a lot. I blocked myself, through my router from allowing my PC/Laptop/Phone and IPad from getting access to Twitter, as we all know, its addictive as smoking. My partner is taking my Daughters to bed, so I used her laptop. I need to share. I don’t know why, and I wish I didn’t want to, really

So I am just blogging to say, suicide happens to people who sometimes don’t want to die, they do it as a cry for help, and die, the reason I know this is, as I said I work voluntarily with people who are suicidal and depressed etc, and many tell me after a suicide attempt “Thank god I didn’t die”

It will pass. It always does. But this is one reason people need to wake up to toying with the emotions of people who are disabled. It isn’t just the pain, its dealing with the pain that is the bastard

I will be ok, I just hit rock bottom. I fight in life, so I know I will be ok. I did this blog to share at a moment’s notice, so I blog this RIGHT NOW, as this is how I feel this second

Some laugh, some care, some don’t, that isn’t relative to me, and I am sharing. And if somewhere there is a person feeling the same, maybe they might read this and not kill themselves

Trust me, once you’re gone, you’re gone, PLEASE!!


Shaun X


61 comments on “Suicide

  1. Hi Shaun, Do you remember me? Aha! I’m the 13 year old girl from FRaPS.
    Thank you so much for saying those things, turns out it is hard for me to be 13 and already talks about suicide. Most of my friends talk are all about boybands and other unimportant things, and I admit my mind is older than my age, if you know what I mean.
    This post is great,and you did the right thing when you shared this. and how you can control your emotion, people should learn how to not think too short, like to think about long-term. Which is when you do suicide, there will be no more long-term.
    Sometimes people who care about suicide are the ones who once had a thought about doing that, but me,I haven’t. so my care started when I read a book titled 13 reasons why. And I re-read it, and then I realize that this happens often in society and there should be someone who stands about it. And yes, I started talking about suicide and problems, but still I feel like I’m the only one in the whole school who actually does that and care about that. And thank you for your advice, I will never stop talking about suicide-and how to prevent it.
    Oh and my name is Syifa. 🙂
    I hope that the world (specifically the society) will get better one day, one day.


    • Hi Syifa lol

      You are a very clever young girl. and yeah my little sister isn’t far from your age, her life is music and boys. I hope you are ok and keep sharing on here, There are good people in the world Syifa. you just to find them, or let god throw you together. I have met 20 at least on here. Wise, kind people. The more you share, the more you read, the better understanding you will have .

      Keep it up



  2. Pingback: Sharing your heart with others | Looking for reasoning to a complicated world

  3. It takes a lot to accept…doesn’t it..? but yes you should never take that last step..because there is no undoing it…the only thing that will be left is regrets..


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