Being a parent – Letting go

Letting-GoAs a parents we sit and watch as our kids are born, we watch them grow from baby to toddler to child to kid to teenager then they get older

My older son is 21 and I am HEARTBROKEN as he is probably going to fly the nest. We get on real well. But sometimes I can be a bit of a pain in the backside to him. He argues back, and “Bang” Argument. Always we speak about it later and I tell him “I just want to you to be a better man than me” And you know, he is already, he cares, he cries at sad films, he is in love with his partner and is a great big brother to his two little sisters and his little brother

When I was his age, he was 3 years old, I made every mistake a man could make, but I pride myself when I look at my sons and think “We did ok” As it takes his Mum also.

We do Dad/Son things, or as much as we can. Because of my disability he looks after me well, he makes sure I am ok. He is a brilliant Human being, and a lad I am proud to say “He is my son”

He pays his Mum money every week, dig money, his keep, and he never fails. He knows and understands the importance of money, and this is where I am still trying to father him. I remind him often, his Granddad, my Dad, still fathers me. When I need guidance, my Dad is my first port of call

I am aware some have lost kids, some send kids away to war, some don’t have this, but this is my story. And as I write this is I am in tears. We had a slight argument before he went to work. He is doing 70 hours in 5 days, that will earn him £700 (Over $1,000) and he did his 1st night last night, woke up in a mood, and the argument developed from there. Leaving him and me in tears. He left the house in tears; I have been in tears of guilt since. There are no books on being a parent, this is the first time I have been a parent to a 21 year old boy. We learn as we go as parents. And from our parents I guess

My son is 21, and he suffers seizures, he has had 5 in 4 years, and he takes epilem for it, a medication that seems to be working, so that is always in the back of my mind. He had a horrendous seizure in-front of me once and to say I thought he was gone would be a lie, he was, but he came back to us. Then I stood at his hospital bed as they operated on him and my job, sorry, DUTY, was to keep him awake and keep telling him the pain would go away, and it did after the operation. His shoulder popped out during the seizure, and they couldn’t send him to sleep to fix it, they just put it back in, that was a hard night

So here I am crying like a child, over my boy. I don’t care who reads, or judges, I want the world to know I love this lad with every fibre of my being. Love your kids is an unconditional love. We thought we had lost him once and this prays on my mind like you wouldn’t know

Son, if you read this, know I care, know love isn’t a strong enough word for how I feel, and realise that when I am being your Dad, I do that so you keep being the Man you are turning into. You are a credit to yourself. There have been other hurdles I can’t type here you have gone through in your young 21 years with us, and you will get over this one. You know what I mean.

I feel guilt right now. I should not but I do, he is upset, so am I, but we all live and learn, I say it often, show me perfect, I show you a liar

Love is a great thing, but when it hurts, it hurts badly. He is ok, he is still here. But he is like his Dad, he is emotional, and how he handles things inspires me. He is every bit the man his little brother will be.

I am so upset right now. I am an emotional guy, I cry when I have to. Hurt my family and I will show you wrath. I shouldn’t say that, I know. And I am sorry for saying it. But I am just “In this moment” We are defined in life by moments. And being upset is one of them. Showing love is another. At the back of my mind, when he is out, and the phone rings, I get this dread. But I know a friends who’s son is serving with the Army. I wonder how he feels.

We do our best as parents, and the end result, when they are adults is what we did, or what we did not do as parents that defines them mostly, not all the time. I only hope I am a good Dad to a kid I love so dearly, I can’t and never would stand in his way should he want to go with his Partner who I love also and make a life. That is the way of things, its called, letting go

Father and Son song

Because what my son has been through. This is MY SONG for him below. x He inspires me with the way he just smiles and goes on

Shaun

37 comments on “Being a parent – Letting go

  1. I’m sitting here reading this and my mouth is open, in awe. In awe because (and you’re probably not going to believe this) you sound like you could be my male counterpart. JUST like me. This sounds like something EXACTLY like what I’ve written for one of my girls, and then another. I’m a FIERCE fighter when you hurt my family but I can be even more fierce to my girls if they do the wrong thing. Oh and the tears my mouth has caused? TOO many to count. My mouth can slash them like a knife (but I’ll cry about it later).

    Your son… WOW. What a man he is! To have already gone through so much and still have a great job and a great heart. He’s going to make his BEAUTIFUL “partner” a wonderful husband one day 🙂 He looks like you, btw… Now is his mom YOUR partner? I ask because you mentioned that your partner is the same girl you went to high school with you.

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    • Yeah me and and my Partner been together since school, all the kids are ours. We have only known each other (ish)
      And thank you, both have manors and treat people well. Same as many on here have brought their kids up to be probably.
      And I can be Tony Soprano on them when I need to be (The Boys) I demand the treat a woman right. They are my best mates.
      As we get to know each other more, I will share something with you, just something I like to do with like minded people with kids

      Thanks
      Shaun

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    • You may laugh till you Cry. You heard of Billy Connolly? I am kind of like him. But people NOT from Scotland all say we are that funny.

      Yeah it will be good.
      Sorry you have so many funerals.
      I had a week like that last year.
      Not easy. But we get through it with family and love

      Shaun

      Like

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