I am a moderator in several other sites, one is the biggest forum on Earth I have been a part of since it was a pro-board in 1999. I am disabled with Chronic Pain syndrome and also Fibromyalgia. I live in agony and wonder each day how I get out of bed and take a step. I have an amazing Family and friends structure in life away from all the above, I am friends with many people, I escaped the crime I was raised into from my Fathers side of the family to go on and be a football (Soccer to the USA) Manager here in Scotland. I have the most amazing partner a lad could ask for, for me she is as perfect as any partners of you who is reading. I am blessed with four amazing kids. I am 40 years 0ld, I have two sons 22 and 20, and two Daughters 4 (5 in 2 weeks) and 3. It is a privilege to watch kids grow, to see them born and turn into adults with partners of their own and making their own money and being responsible. Dawn (my partner) and I can be proud of how we brought the boys up, the are street smart but also academically smart, the life we lead due to family the boys have to be both, I made sure of it by planting seeds when they were boys. I have amazing family and friends I can call at 3am with any problem. Life for me is good, amazing, but the pain takes some of it away, we all have 2 options “Get busy living” or “Get busy dying” I choose the 1st one, I had to even when the 2nd was appealing to me for a long time. I am a lucky, blessed lad, but I can’t tell all my story. With the girls, wow, anyone who has toddlers or pre-school kids will know where I am coming from, these two little girls have taught me more about myself and life than anything that came before, they light up not just my life but the lives of all thew family, same as your kids, for anyone who has kids this age
SO WHY AM I TELLING YOU ALL THIS?
When I was diagnosed with Chronic Pain syndrome and also Fibromyalgia it took things and kept taking and still does today, I have to fight to keep things but still I lose. When I had to stop doing football it took half my life away, when it took other things I caved, I gave in, suicide was tried. I was in an awful place with pain, panic attacks and depression, we moved from the center of Edinburgh to the outskirts to the North on the edge woodland. I love where I live, the solitude is something I like here, I can hide when I need to or I can go out when I feel like I can
When I look at the list above I am amazed I managed all this, my partner Dawn reminds me every day of what I have achieved in the face of loss. She reminds me I help people, she reminds me about how I used to go to Hospitals and talk to old people who were dying and other things that made me feel more alive. I am proud I have achieved the above but there is no showing off. See part of the reason I am posting this is there were a few comments lately that I was a “Big Head” a “Show off” To these people who want to be nasty I offer to trade lives for 1 week, you will be screaming after a few hours to change back, trust me. These idiots don’t bother me, people are people, some are honest some are gossipy, my pet hate is a Gossip. When I have to say something real life or on the stupid internet I do so to faces. Cowards gossip
If you live in pain, are depressed, low in life, almost giving up, PLEASE look above again, if I can do that, so can you. I beg you not to give in, things may be bad today but we can’t plant seeds for tomorrow. Yesterday is gone, let it go, I had to. Never think you are where you are for good, believe you can step forward and live and smile again