Fibromyalgia kills me tonight

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10153076_10152365449751095_1537284422_nI opened this new ‘ShaunyNews’ blog because I was tired of talking about pain in my old blog ‘Praying for one day’ I immerse myself in news and sport to deflect my thinking from pain, tonight I am losing badly, I just hurt and it’s getting stronger and sorer. PLEASE do not say “I am sorry to hear this” or any of that, I am in my bedroom alone venting as I don’t want to bother my partner of my two sons with this crap

Fibromyalgia is a disability that tells lies. People look healthy but on the inside they are damaged. With Fibromyalgia there are no dates, there are no “You will die at this time” There is just pain and an existence that just takes and takes what you have, what you love to do, what you like and who you love. I have no lost anyone I love tonight, but I guess they lost me, just for tonight. I don’t suffer depression, I don’t get panic attacks, and I just get angry I guess. I buy games for my daughters and last an hour then have to stop, they are 4 and 5 years old, I have to lie to them, I have to make up excuses why Daddy can’t play a simple game with his kids. THAT tears me to bits.

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I know my Partner gets down when I am this sore but I can’t ask her to understand, I only ask she leaves me be when it’s this bad. I don’t like that, but I don’t want her to see me like this. I don’t want my Son’s to see me so low. When I am like this and my Daughters are around it is so hard to keep up.

The pain, how do I describe a pain like this? The best I can ever do is ‘All Over Body Toothache’ 24/7 and won’t calm down. Every second, every minute, every hour, day, week, month and year, this is my reality. People ask me “How do you do so many blogs and the football commentary” I can only say I do it because it gives my mind focus; it allows me to almost control my thinking, almost.

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So I am probably done writing for the night. It is 11:20pm as I type and I just can’t take this pain. I will though, I fight back like you all do, I know many with this. It comes like the wind, just gets stronger with each hit. I have tried all known medication to mankind and wouldn’t waste my time praying, God didn’t give me this pain and he sure can’t take it away.

I love my life, I have a good life, just mostly I am in pain. My hair and toes don’t hurt right now

That is something right?

23 comments on “Fibromyalgia kills me tonight

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