Hey y’all! First blog in a few days, woke up with the Flu on Sunday, boy did I sweat it out in a man puddle in bed all day Monday 😀 To boot I am coming off my medications so to say I am hurting would be like saying “Yes, yes I do breath” If one knows what a ‘Gnat’s Chuff’ is, well mine has just been booted to feck. I need medication now but I refuse, it’s it always the same when we try and stop any addiction, drink, smoking, sex (Yes it can be) street drugs, coffee pretty much any of the usual suspects.
I can be my worst own enemy at times, yes I have a few hundred people on-line I have known for many years but I have a have a habit where I unfriend people. Much of the time it is my own stupidity but often it can be the other way or both ways. The poison of (You can click these links) Morphine, Dihydrocodeine, Tramadol, Diazepam, I don’t understand people who take this, buy it for a hit, what the FECK is wrong with people? and another 10 drugs to counter the poison has killed my body and mind in more ways that I think I can even explain, and for well over 10 years, I struggle to think of anyone online who knows me drug free. Also a family member, and I remind them every day (I am half joking) of something. Many years ago, say 10 years ago I dared to utter the word ‘Anonymous’ only to get a reply back in-front of all my family in social media “Oh Shaun is on his medication again” Feck that shit, no more mediation, no more fake, just saying 😉 it takes 2
Time and time again I stop writing, start writing, close a blog, re-open a blog, close twitter, close face book and more and as I sit here looking for the correct words to use I am struggling to find the words to describe how much of a fud I am. Many of my friends tell me ‘Don’t be stupid Shaun, you are disabled’ and on enough medication to make a Giraffe have a nice 2 day sleep. I love my mates who mock me, knowing it is just fun,Truth of the matter is and I know I bore myself with this is, I bore myself with this $hit
I am a month in with less Dr’s poison, where I would have and did take for over 10 years took 15 tablets at a time as well as Morphine. As my partner said to me this morning, and she laughed while she said it “You are being a bit harsh on yourself” See my partner is the only person on Earth who has seen the real change this crap Dr’s throw down our throats with no thought of the long term issues it does to the mind and more so the body.
I am hoping by Summertime this year I can free myself from this Poison that speaks for me, acts for me, lives for me and takes me away to God only knows where. It is no existence to have, again my partner will disagree. Maybe she is right, the potency of this medication I am now feeling, I shake and rattle like a baby’s pram toy each morning just now, I managed to take my Daughters out myself last weekend, yes, just me and my princess’s while my partner did some shopping then took in a football match with my son
Australia has more Fibro sufferers than anywhere on Earth, I got this years ago from UK NHS
Understanding Pain: What to do about it in less than five minutes?
Via: Live Active on You Tube
Maybe one day soon I will awake and just feck off and go live again. Maybe I can go take the 300 mile trip north, train’s planes and automobiles literally to see my Dad. Maybe I will bring family back close again, maybe I will stop caring as much as I do. I say all the time and it is true, when you are ill, really ill you do find something in yourself, you lose almost the lot but you gain something, very hard to explain. Has anyone ever noticed, and this is a hard one to explain, the love in a person who is dying? You find a peace within yourself when you know your life will never be the same I don’t want to nor do I need to go full circle and back to crime. I had one special friend from Ohio who came over to live with us once, when the pain came, when the Medication started to take effect she stopped talking to me. So in real life and on any platform of life you want to debate, people can be real cruel.
One thing I do know is I will die trying to get my body free from this shit, I don’t think ANY of my family outside my house get it, they think I want sympathy, in reality how about a “I am here if you need anything” or ‘I love you’? People can be cruel, but through it all since the turn of the millennium I have stayed as true to myself as I possibly could. I am very close to kicking this crap, I won’t stop now, even though I know it will leave me in more pain that I have ever been in, but I am in pain anyway, so I am trying to define login in what I am doing, I guess I am doing the right thing. If you fell out with me, I offer an olive branch, if you are too stuck up to take it, then feck you, to all the people who stayed by my side on any platform, I appreciate that
I will never forgive
I will never forget
More love, less hate
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