Walking Away From The Devil

Walking away from the Darkness

Walking away from the Darkness

Coming off this prescribed medication is hard, I am getting there, the pain just knocks me out, I was up all last night in pain , so I slept most of today, not happy at myself, but as my partner said to me “Baby Steps Hon”. Had a real vivid dream about my past when I was 21 or so, when I say vivid I mean I re-visited the demons, or it felt so, I woke up gasping for breath, confused look on my face, to see my partner smiling at me. We had a cup of tea a chat about what happened on Wednesday then we cuddled in and watched a superb UK made movie called Shifty Click that link, opens the movie details up. It was about a young guy and his friend, Shifty was a drug dealer, heroin dealer, his mate Chris comes to visit after 4 years of moving out of the area. To put it mildly the area is a shit hole. The people in it, the drugs, the tough guys, the so called tough guys, the thieves and basically crime. Really good movie, you should give it a watch if you can. Check the trailer below

SHIFTY – OFFICIAL TRAILER
Via Metrodomefilm on YouTube

The reason I write this is the movie brought back all these memories I have from my past, I had just dreamt it now I was watching it on TV, it was like a sign of what could have been. I looked at my parter and smiled, knowing I had done the right and proper thing by saying goodbye to crime in every and all shapes and forms and staying true and honest to her. I remember when I was 21, my partner was 20 and we had 2 kids, two little boys and we lived in Muirhouse Edinburgh, it’s the kind of place if you want to just live and keep out the way you can, if you want to get involved in Crime it is so very easy, I was Shifty in all ways possible. Selling whatever to whoever and looking for people who were due others money. I look at it now and it seems a distant dream, like a movie, not me, just a memory I have. Then sometimes I will be driving and see an old face from my past staggering up the street out his face on heroin probably, I always look at my partner and smile, that could have been me.

It's not worth it

It’s not worth it

Then my smile vanishes as I think again about that old face staggering, how has he not changed in 20 years, what does he do now, has he a parter and kids, is he alone stuck on Heroin for life, ready to die any day now, who’s bitch is he, what is he doing to get high? See there are two types of people in crime, the clever guys and the idiots who do the dirty work, I was always clever, I had a good teacher. I don’t brag here, I am just telling it as it was, many may question why I spill my soul out on this social media platform but the answer is easy, by talking about it I might help one of them old faces, I might help someone stuck in the crime loop, it is a vicious loop, many can’t escape, thankfully I knew the right people and was allowed to leave, saying that had they asked or forced me to stay I know it would have ended badly for someone, I walked, left the darkness behind and seen my Partner. I remember the day I walked in the door crying, we had to move house, not because I had to but because I wanted to, I had to remove myself from the people who looked up to me and people who looked down on me, for my 2 kids and my Partner we moved house. One other thing, never look at that Heroin dealer or user in the street and think badly, feel sorry for them, they don’t know what they do, they have no idea life exists, they are out or the loop of life and stuck in the circle of crime to feed a £100 a day drug habit. I know it’s hard but we as a society judge, we see and judge yet say “Never judge a book by it’s cover ” Yeah Irony is never lost on me, I see it most days

I sit here now in this amazing house in this superb area with not a care in the World. But go back 20 years, the door bell would go and I would panic ‘Is it the Police or someone with a stanley knife or baseball bat’ Even today when the door bell goes, for a split second I feel that rush of adrenaline, the same adrenaline that kept me alive all these years. I hated myself back then, I wish I could go back and speak to my younger self and tell him what the future years had in store for him, but should I do that I would not be sitting here, the moral of the story is, never regret anything if you are happy today. Even now the police will be behind me in my car when I am driving and I will get fear I used to get, I am totally legal now as a driver, back then I had nothing, just a car, some feelings never leave you, and I am a good guy now, the demons are always there, I just ignore them, they can’t harm me. Just a thought here, I think this is why I worked with kids for 15 years when I sorted my head out, I was giving back, I was saying sorry to society by helping young lads be responsible and work as a team, I know many of them still today and all are decent young 21 year old lads who work and are in love, I like to think I helped mould their life even if just a little. Anyway, I had to share. My page my rules, don’t like it? don’t read. Often I hear a whisper, a sound of my past, I have to close it down and tell it to go away. I walked away from the Devil, literally

Walking into the light actually exists

Walking into the light actually exists

Later

PS: Look how many followers I had when I wrote “Walking away from the Devil” LOL

The irony never stops amazing me

The irony never stops amazing me

~~~~~

Fibro/Chronic Pain: https://www.facebook.com/groups/699321140156812/
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2 comments on “Walking Away From The Devil

    • It’s been 15 years now John but I do this in-case I can help others. Many get trapped in crime, once you are due someone a favour, that is it, you are stuck, some try to walk and end up unable to walk. The demons still come but the more the medication wears off the more control I have. So yeah, day at a time buddy…

      Appreciated John

      Liked by 1 person

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