So week 12 for me, coming off prescribed drugs. I have my mind 100% these days but the pain is just a new level. The pain is sharper on me. The pain of M.E is not come and go pain, its 24/7 and very hard to ignore. I have this “Help Group for Chronic Illness’s” <Click) This group is a small group with just a few hundred people on it, but people who just ‘Help’ We all have a story, mine is no worse nor better than your pain, whoever you are reading this, pain is pain in all and any source of pain and its meaning.
Right now I am seeing sleep being the biggest visible impact on my day to day living. It was bad before when I had just #Fibro but now pain and coming off its poison of help that actually doesn’t help. Now there are ill people out there who just 100% need to take their prescription, my God don’t listen to me, always, and this is for anyone, see a Dr! With my kind of pain there is no tablet, well there is if you choose to live like a legal junkie and being ‘Judged 😀 By ‘People. See people do this. I am also people here, we just judge like we have a bigger moral compass than others. Facts are we are all the same; we have all done bad things and been in bad places, today we are awake to read my nonsense, so that’s a good start right?
For me it’s not about “OK I DID BAD THINGS OR ENDED UP IN A BAD PLACE”… Now I never actually blame myself for today, I had no say it its handling, I was taking for the pain, and I had choice when my body screamed, I would rather make it about living, just living same as you and how I can stand back up every day life pushes me over, I am pushing back, so it’s not what we were it’s who we will become.
Today I have choice and I choose to be the Shaun a younger Dawn met all these years ago, the son a Mum can know to the brother a sibling can smile with to friends where we both lost each other. But more important a father to 4, and more so for my 2 little princess’s. They are amazing fun. Because my body and mind are trapped, mind not so trapped now, these two little girls make me laugh so hard and they help and don’t know it 😀 They are a GOD SEND. These things just happen when needed? To just be here when I as a person need to smile through pain, so this older Shaun I am now trying to be, more just being is good fun, Dawn and my kids help so much, so new Shaun is changing but wiser, more grown up but never losing my sense of humour, it’s good to be happy you know. lol
So that was it. For my partner my kids and others who I love, this is just me saying “Hey, this is where I am at and all is good” Even to others I know online or through all the Social media outlets, I reach a few thousand people every time I hit publish, maybe more. Check the top right! 1.3 Million People have joined me on an AMAZING journey just on this page in a year, it’s amazing. Every blog I did to this one I share in 16 places so its brilliant fun when I hurt to be able to write this, takes me 4 x longer than one of my Daughters in amount of words to do 😀 We pay for the internet so we should enjoy it right? 😀 I am not online as much today as many of you have said, I know, but for now I can only do what I can do. I stopped smoking also. Add no medication and no nicotine into the equation and it’s really hard.
So as I read back on blogs from a year ago, 6 months ago, last month and last week I see change. Looking back a year I was in such a bad way. Sad to read what I read to be fair, I do feel embarrassed but I had no control over my mind, so I am reading someone or something else when I read back the way.
I will look back at this blog in months to come and with luck and effort I can still see a guy struggling to move forward. Today my mind is so open it’s untrue, I am cheering up, making Dawn laugh for sure and the girls are just too much sometimes. The questions they ask are brilliant. I could sit and debate a 5 or 6 year old kid for hours, the questions are like “Where does this come from” So the answering the question is the fun part when I hear “Daddy, know how…” or whatever is just superb fun. Being a parent is a not just being a parent it’s about being a friend. The list to the < left I just love. It is this and more these 2 wee girls need and helping them, while they help me is the best fun I have had in years, and each day my mind opens they do notice, but they don’t ask why. This is why I love their company 😀 I have adult friends and most adults I know I can put up with, then we ALL have family or friends we be like “OH GOD HERE WE GO” When we meet up, yeah I got that Family and friends also, I am no different to you 😀 Anyway I am bored now, I need to write some football and this is depressing me. So Shaun 1-0 Life is the score today. I will fight with all I have to keep the score that way. But I am in a battle for my life, this is not lost on either my partner and I. This is a fight for many things, I am lucky to have the support but thankful I can be that support back.
Life is just amazing fun, any day could be our last, so with no morbid thoughts in our mind just smile. Just have a laugh and have fun. When the bad comes we fight it. In the end life wins always right? So why do we fight it now? 😀 Life is so very, very simple and fun. I hope I helped 1 person to get there with all this, and I am guessing deep down a few maybe. But I can only help because I have been helped before and still. Life is a 2 way street. Don’t become anger and sad. Become fun and laughter. We lose in the end right? So today we surround ourselves with whom we love and can laugh with. In the end, the truth is we all have one shot at this life. I choose life. Your choice will be your choice, I won’t judge you, so don’t you dare judge me. #RespectOurWorld And respect each other.
UB40 Kingston Town
My Chronic pain group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/699321140156812/
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My Paper: https://paper.li/ShaunyNews/1428021484