Stopping My Medication Progress – Family Walk Away From Our Ill’s

p01n87fj

We lose control of our minds often

Strange as it is, my brother from another Mother wrote exactly as I did at the same time here http://justusowls.com/2015/10/29/attention/ < 😀 #WOW! That is from my friend Eddie Tatro, an American Archbishop. I hate writing these blogs, reason I don’t do many but they allow me to look back in time and see where I was a week ago, month ago or a year ago, this helps me and even better it helps my old Dr who is a pain Dr and it helps others who have chronic illness, I am a guy who needs to help, I can’t hate or be selfish. September 7th was my last progress report HERE and I am almost off the worst Medication today. Morphine is an evil drug as it speaks and acts for you and you have no idea what you have done, like I say below, Family walked away from an ill Son/Brother/Cousin/Nephew/Friend/Whatever, but I don’t blame them, today I would ask them to understand the illness and medication were your enemy, not me, I suffered like you and I am aware people are worse off than me and also, sadly, people hold grudges for life often, not something I will do, I can’t, I don’t know how to hate or leave a loved one hanging. For many years, just in moments the medication acted and spoke for me. I am now able to help others in my group called Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Issues <Click) Anyone living the hell I once was is free to join my group where we are all trying to stand back up again, because of my journey I am now able to help others who are down and can’t get up. Keep in mind, to be pain is to know and understand a pain that exists in all our moments, tricking the brain can only be done so far, the rest you need a good loving partner and family and friends who seen me struggling and helped me stand up, I didn’t thank them, I would do the same for them, for me that is what family and friends do, we help each other stand back up.

UB40 – All I Want to Do (Lyric Video)
These lyrics pretty much sum up what I say here

It taught me hate but it taught me not to hate back, also it taught me to smile when hate was around or calling on me. Also, NOT 1 PERSON DIED IN THE CREATION OF THIS OR ANY BLOGS I DID, NOR DID ANYONE DIE FROM TEXTS OR EMAILS I SENT. But people did die and I am the bad guy? That one confuses a lot of my friends more than it does me, but please, no hate, just examples of human expression and how technology can bring us together or tear us apart, the written word is a mystery to the untrained eye who has not spoken to the voice of the font they read. Many I have not spoken to for a decade and more, yet they have me all sussed out and named me as what they will. This is life, happens to us all. Irony is the very same people who throw hate are hated themselves, but hate is choice, I choose not to hate, I choose to neglect hate, not feed it and ignore itsteve-jobs-quotes-1024x658 Because of my experiences with the Medication, family and friends I am now remembering what these vile Drugs were doing to not just me but people globally as you will see in the group from other people, there are 400 people all saying the same damn thing “Family walked away from me” So this was helpful to me in bad moments, I understood love more and today I am happy and the people in my life, people I visit, speak too, whoever and whatever are through my choice, losing sleep isn’t something I do over harsh words spoken behind me, people read font and take it badly but what I notice and learn is, with some I can only exist with them in the spoken word, font loses people. Of course people need to take Medication to live, for all my friends and people I met on my journey who stayed around and were decent, knowing I was a friend or family member just trying to stand up, I don’t need to thank you, again, we should expect loved ones to understand, sadly and if you read my Blogs on our World I am insignificant and so are you. Now my mind is clearer still I notice a few family members, and I can’t blame them, have walked away from me. Yet at the back of my mind I am thinking “If they had Cancer, would people walk away from them?” Because that is how it feels today. No hate 😀 The illness and medication actually has put me in a great place today as all the wrongs from yesterday make us happy today, if this is so then all the hurt was worth it and we should move on, I am, are you? I am trying my best to reach these few Family members I want in my life again and I will keep trying till we can all smile together again, sadly as you know if you read my blog, dysfunction, anger and hatred are stubborn words with human effects. Today all I can say to anyone I chased away is “Sorry” But please know I was and still am very ill and was very medicated, big deal! I just hate what moments have done to my family, people think they are oh so perfect, yet if you point me to a perfect person I point back and say ‘Liar’hqdefaultI don’t want sympathy, I just want a few members of family back, understanding, let it be said once then move on and live and have fun is my idea here. I was a bad lad when I was in my early 20’s, people I have not seen for 20 years still think I am that guy, so the different between me being a young criminal to an ill person highly medicated is the same, MUD STICKS and people who don’t see the human side to our suffering walk away, gossip and talk behind you. All I ask is if you can, pick up the phone or get out my life, a life I am smiling through these days with the help of my 2 wee girls who are 5 and 6 years old, 2 little barrels of joy that are helping me step back to MY reality and my choosing of whom is in my life, they have no idea how much they help me my kids, one day when I am an old man I might tell them. For Brothers and Sisters, to parents and uncles, cousins and all in-between, talk or walk, I lose no energy over hate. I say at the foot of most blogs “More love, less hate” And I do mean it. Often these days I am wondering if the illness has did this or has the World changed so much? I asked the question in the blog below.

I did this blog a week ago today: Today’s Disfunctional Family Unit <Click)

dfamily1

The Hallucinations I was having over the last few months were fairly bad, looking up from your bed in agony as your body demands the poison and Blog 1seeing your sadly passed away Gran in-front of you is not pleasant let me assure you, am I red faced because of the things I said? Yes, do I lose sleep? No because I was not in control. I know many people with the same issues as me, and we always have fun and laugh, we NEVER talk about life in a bad way. I was told this morning, not in a bad way, but gently that I sent emails or texts a few years back to half my family, I have no idea I did this, I have no recollection of this event. I guess today with a clear mind and better moments and better today’s I am maybe, not angry at some people, I can’t find the right word for it. But I go back to what I said above “Would we walk away from a family member or friend with Cancer” Who were struggling? Hell no, sadly through life’s process’s my illness made me do things I had no idea I was doing. To say I am 100% clear would be a lie because I had a misunderstanding with a guy I love to bits last week, I was in bed screaming trying to hide life from my two little princess’s and it was a BAD MOMENT a moment I learnt that when I am in, I turn off the internet and hide my tablet and phone. We spoke and love was said. Down the right hand side of my blog is “Deliberate Donkey” <Click) I am the kid in the boat, I wrote that medicated but with the full knowledge of certain people I did ask before I wrote it, 1 person forgot, but it’s ok, events break us and events make us. An old wise guy I know and spoke to earlier today says to me a lot “I cry for Humanity” For many years I didn’t give it thought, as I grow old and because 80% of my blogs are about our World I understand the wise man’s words today. I learn every day, but if people don’t want me in their life then who loses? I have all I need right here, I am happy now in my Bubble. When we place ourselves in a private bubble, turn to love <Click) I actually wrote about this blog on March 13th 2013CHc0mFvWsAE5V5R

My partner reminds me of this

My partner reminds me of this “People listen to you Shaun” She tells me

See, because I write in moments like this about life I can go back and re-read how I was in other moments like here and know I am either recovering or regressing, either way what I have is for life but in a non-morbid way of thinking, we are all dying slowly right? Sadly Millions die slower, often over a lifetime, for these people I must share this, if you are not ill and don’t get this blog, please don’t reply and simply choose to walk away from it, we have choice in this life, I choose to be as open as I can with my life on here, in reality I share 10% of my life to the World, it just seems more. I am aware I did bad things and I am aware some bad things I did can never be forgotten so all I can do is try and make up for them. My partner reminds me always “Shaun, you were winning once and you can win again” She is my rock, my logic, my thoughts, my best friend and lover and she shows me things to prove her point so I wills share my partners meaning with you so you understand how gentle she is with me when I am not in a good way

I WON BEFORE! I am bottom left, my 2nd in commands hand on my shoulder

I WON BEFORE! I am bottom left, my 2nd in commands hand on my shoulder

Dr Alastair Dobbin: Dr Sheila Ross, PhD

Dr Alastair Dobbin: Dr Sheila Ross, PhD

This here I am writing 1st for myself also so I can let my Dr and ill friends or people who are on the ground read it, my old Dr gets useful information from it as it’s his job as a pain specialist to help others. We used to go to the big conference rooms in the Astley Ainslie Hospital with Dr Alastair Dobbin in Edinburgh and I would do Question and Answer sessions about how my pain came, how it destroyed me then made me again to 100 to 300 people at a time, this is his site and I am on it in Video if you look The Foundation for positive mental health

life-quoteThis is brilliant information for people who recently have been told they may die or will spend the rest of their lives in pain. What I have will kill me if I let it so it’s all about being honest with myself, writing freely and not caring who I offend or who is upset over internet font. The internet did 2 things to this World in my eyes, first it brought the World together in a great way, I speak to people from the USA to Australia and all in-between, the downside to technology like this is people read things wrong and the meaning is lost and hate happens, when in-fact all people can do is pick up a phone and ask “What did that mean?” But some still sit all angry and sad about things we write and share. This is my 2,570th blog today on ShaunyNews, I have done less than 100 blogs on this very subject. Often it seems to me I do it more, so I have to keep in mind I may have hurt people I love. But I ask again “Would we walk away from a family member we love who had Cancer?” Because it’s the same damn thing, it’s just different. People say “I don’t believe him/her” or “He/she is making it up” even “He/she is feeling sorry for himself” Well that is a fair comment against all of us who are an invisible disability, but stop for a second and ask why they say this. Yeah, we turn the coin around and we understand hate more. I am an expressive lad, tons of my family and friends love me for it but a FEW don’t. When I say a few, it may be more, but the FEW are the ones I would love to get a phone call from. AGAIN, NOBODY WAS HARMED, HURT, KILLED OR EVEN OFFENDED BY ANY OF THIS. People today are so selfish and wrapped up in their own pathetic lives they forget and in the end we see people sit at funerals crying tears of regret or “I should have said more” or “I could have helped more” In the end I call these tears guilt. If you read hatred from me today whilst reading you are the hatred, you are hate not me. I lost the ability to hate when life gave me things to love, when life made me understand the difference between a fool and a good person. I am 42 years old and I honestly feel like I was 18 years old yesterday and I woke up and am now an older guy 😀 It’s a very strange thing, I talked it with my Dr the other day and the Dr simply said “With the medication you were on, you had no control” This gave me a smile and a reason to try and re-connect to life, family and friends. But do be sure like you, I make decisions on who is in my life, as always it’s a 2 way street and today’s hating World makes it harder for us to understand each other, especially when we only read each other on Social Media I now call home instead of listening to a voice. An older relative and I found this out together only last week. I am reconnecting slowly with family and friends and soon I will have a surprise for myself, if others are surprised then so be it, for me, what is to come, I CAN’T WAIT!! x

Like you, I am just trying to live and fighting to live

Like you, I am just trying to live and fighting to live

More love, less hate

This is my blog banner, look down the right hand side of this blog, all blogs. Am I a hater?

This is my blog banner, look down the right hand side of this blog, all blogs. Am I a hater?

Shauny 

ShaunyNews Twitter: @ShaunyNews
ShaunyNews Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/groups/shaunynews/
Skype: shaunyg1973
Chronic Illness Support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ChronicIllSupport/
Ace News Chat: http://www.acechatnews.wordpress.com
Ace News Scotland: http://standupscotland.wordpress.com
Ace News Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/groups/acenewsservices/
ShaunyNews Daily Online Paper: http://paper.li/ShaunyNews/DailyPaper
ShaunyNews Scriggler: https://scriggler.com/Profile/shaun_gibson#
ShaunyNews Tumblr: http://shaunnews.tumblr.com/
SNP Official: http://snp.org/

6 comments on “Stopping My Medication Progress – Family Walk Away From Our Ill’s

  1. I think that’s my blog. If not, try tlohuis.wordpress.com.
    you know where I am. Please add me as a follower, if I’m not already
    to hate means to lose. When we hold onto hate, we aren’t affecting the person were feeling hate for. They don’t feel that misery. To forgive and move on is very freeing, rewarding, and powerful!
    Great post. I’ve tried to get off all the meds more than once, but I had to get back on them because I could not bear the pain and it was only then that I realized the meds were helping, if only a little. I’ll try again, hopefully in the very near future. We need to skype soon so you can tell me all about it. way to go! 🙂 you are very inspirational to me. 🙂

    Like

    • The inspiration comes both ways often and I like when I stumble upon amazing friends be them people I live beside in my street or people from all over our World. I research always in moments and what I see I write. 10% is like this but always I am passion about what I type. What you go through I can imagine but I can’t as well. We can’t compare our pains and feelings so some share them, like you and I. The attitude from others for people like us to share in a deep moment is the confusion for me as my mind free’s more and more..

      You inspire my Wild Thang 🙂 x

      Skype soon hon x

      Like

  2. A wonderfully frank and meaningful blog matey.

    I always said over and over again that some people find it hard to deal with others illnesses, so they run away from it through a deep lack of understanding due to not educating themselves. Which is a poor excuse in this age of the internet. Education is just a click away.

    The number of people we lost contact with was unbelievable during Dad’s illness. You could see fear and confusion on their faces, rather than empathy and a need to know how they could help. In fear they ran away rather than learn to deal with how frank Dad became with his words. It hurts on a deep level at the time, but after a while you sit back and say they will deal with it in their own way and if that means being absent, then that’s OK.

    Whether you were drugged up or not, you offered me a source of friendship, care and support beyond that i received from anybody close and i say to those who have abandoned you, “Forgive the past, it is a wound that will never heal if you let it fester. The only way to heal is to talk, forgive and move on. For those who have no control over what they say or do, live in an alternate reality where the rules are different. You need to learn those rules in order to help them without feeling you are at fault”.

    I like you do not hate those people for they do not understand what they have done or what they have lost. Life is too short to hold grudges.

    Your journey is progressing and you are winning the battle. I respect you for taking on this fight and winning matey.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Patrick, friendship works right away or it doesn’t, this is just my way of seeing Social Media, when I first met you I sensed the pain you were in due to your Dad’s illness. I seen you almost on solo and just said hi. Over the year or so we know each other our friendship has went up and up. Sure this debate is about things we maybe don’t like, but when we Skype we laugh, when we share images, we laugh. This is what we both miss in family who do walk away. I know your struggled because being pain is understanding pain when we see it. You inspire me every time you type or talk when we talk in this way. We both are friends and all friends do is become more. I am talking in less moments these days so this shows the medication is going or almost gone. I am awakening to the story you shared about family and I guess it took me by surprise. Often I ask “Is this a Scottish thing” but in the blog I added into this one about ‘The Family’ I observe it is global. You live a few few hundred miles South from me in England yet our stories are the same…We both lost. But we don’t sit and talk like this always, often, more often we have fun.
      Appreciate your comment mate. And I look forward to our next chat where we laugh hard..

      Good man right here in Patrick peeps….

      Like

Thank you for following my journey...What is yours?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s