For ‘Everyone who is Sad, Alone, Depressed, Stuck in Darkness – YOU ARE NOT ALONE

The Most basic human emotions

Being stuck with negative emotion after a loss in life can change us, being stuck in the darkness of sadness when our life changes for the worst can and will change the strongest of us. I would never sit here or anywhere and claim to know the truth or say I understand how your sadness, or any emotion can be stopped. Right now I personally am in a personal Hell. I don’t write for me because I can openly talk to the right people. It is hard to talk, and it’s not something I enjoy, but I have to fight, like you I have reasons and people to fight for. You are not the only one hurting or sad, depressed or nearing the end of your patience with life, far from it! This is a Taboo subject that not many people can open up about, and this is totally understandable and allowed.

 

Some leave clues to sadness and pain, if we look and listen, we can be helped

Recently, through NHS neglect I have found myself opened up to pain and emotions I have not felt for a long time. Like you I was once happy, living, caring, social, I could go out into the World and join in. When I say NHS neglect I must pull that emotion back and say it’s just human error. People put us on Drugs, we become addicted, and then they take us off them and leave us in utter HELL because our body is craving the drug. I must now turn the coin around and say ‘Alcohol and Drugs’ are not the answer. Drs put me on about 12 different drugs over the last Decade and a half, and today I am happy to try and understand why I have to let these drugs leave my system, but it’s the hardest thing I have ever done, but like you maybe, I need put on Drugs that HELP, Drs may have already killed me. I must say if it wasn’t for FELLOW SUFFERERS I may have given in already. I am told ‘There is a light at the end of the tunnel of pain’ – I can’t yet even see the tunnel, let alone the light. Today I am suffering, but those closest to me, and I mean as close as could be, are suffering worse, because I CHOOSE to trust a Drs advice on ‘Smothering it all with prescribed drugs’ – I have 2 little girls in this house and this is hidden from them, think Daddy has a sore knee, but they are 7 and 8 years old, I know it will break their heart when we have to tell them all about life THEY ARE THE REASON I am typing this at around 4am on a freezing cold Scottish night. Already I have been here an hour, but slowly I am getting the words out somehow. Yesterday (Wednesday) my body went into sever withdrawal and a few organs started to close down. But I made it through another day. I want to RIGHT NOW take my own life to make life better for those I love or call friend. But my Daughters need me, so I can’t be selfish; I have to ‘Man up’ and become strength. The first people I hope to see this strength are my Daughters and their Mother. I can only try, all I can write in this moment is ‘I am trying’ – I walked away from almost everyone I used to love being around, I chase people away because I an angry, but its ok, sometimes we should and can be angry. As I said above, others leave us clues. I hope you can find your way to cope. This isn’t mine, but I am reaching out in the hope the RIGHT PEOPLE read and reach back. The song below starts around 40 seconds in, they lyrics are too much for some, but some of us can live with this music. The proof of this is, it’s a video. It isn’t fair, it hurts and it’s ok to not be ok.

 

 

 

 

MORE LOVE, LESS HATE

blogger-for-peace-van-2

BLOGGERS FOR PEACE AND SANITY

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

Shaun Gibson Twitter: @ShaunyScot
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Shaun Celtic FC Twitter: @ShaunyCeltic

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS - THIS REPRESENTS 'BETTER' FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS – THIS REPRESENTS ‘BETTER’ FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

 

 

 

 

Another day at the office for me

This isn’t a call for sympathy or feel sorry for Shaun, more about how my mind works most days, and how others could perhaps do more. I always volunteer I did it in football, and now I do it for people who are ill. Just something I feel I have to do. All this blog is. Please don’t read any more into it

Realized late this morning I had hospital at 3pm today with Chronic Pain people. Today I have to be put through a round of exercises. Walking, stairs, pulling things, pushing things, sitting down, standing up, lying down, getting up, and so on. 8 weeks or so to go

I volunteered for this course, but there is a part of me asking if it is worthwhile. This is the second part of the course, the first part made no difference, and I am told the second part won’t either. I had to sit and watch this video last time

They tell me this is the standard video they show people at these Chronic Pain classed through the NHS in the UK. The video suggests it is in my head or mostly, I can’t and don’t see it that way. Speaking to the many I do that have been through this course, they tell me it is a waste of time, but I volunteered for this, so I am going to do the next 8 weeks to see if it improves anything

The sheer thought off being put through pain isn’t a good thought, it makes me want to call them and say “Won’t be there” But I am going to. Just to see if it can do anything to improve the pain. If it can, then it will have been worth it, if not, then I guess I have learnt these courses don’t help. Like many I can’t be cured, so it is just standard of my life they are trying to improve on

So between this and Hospital on Friday (if it goes ahead)  it sure will be an exciting week. lol, I know many are worse, and some family and friends said on another blog, I volunteer to help others, talk to people who need a shoulder. So being helped and helping is one in the same I guess. You learn something. Even if the end result isn’t what you thought it would be, you still learnt. And no matter what transpires here, I will always help others who are far worse off.

Just the way I am. I need to look myself in the mirror and say

  • “I tried”
  • “I am doing something”
  • “I am giving something back”
  • “I can help”

And the ability to do that helps me a lot. As to help someone in their hour of need, to be at someone’s bedside as they breathe their last breath, is something humbling to say the least. Nobody should be alone or die alone. So people who are there to help people, they are good people.

What I about to say, please no offense to anyone ok, it is just me, and I shouldn’t think this way, but when I hear people moaning about going to work, I tend to, at the back of my mind say “Don’t you realize how lucky you are” Some can’t work due to illness or disability, some just don’t want to work. I realize the ability to work is something I used to take for granted, along with many other small things I now can’t do. And there are 10s of thousands just like me in Scotland. Please nobody be offended by this, if you work superb. I just pray for one day where I can work full time and give my family a better life. In the meantime I will be happy for what I have and help who I can. It is after all, the least I can do

Just my thoughts for today

Shaun

*EDIT*

Well I have been, and it was a nightmare. Send you home 100x worse than you arrived. How does this help I hear you ask? Yeah I ask the same also. I can’t see how these classes help. Anyone who has been through the entire programme, how did it go for you? Any better? I just seem to leave in more pain. Also my Hospital on Friday is off, I need to build up a few muscles in my knee first. So I am no further forward.