I am not blogging about a movie here
Forget this AMAZING movie for one second, well lets not, lets imply it to my thinking 1st. The movie is about a man who did or lose something, a something so evil, he hid it from himself. He just made his mind forget and started to live and smile and be happy. Then one day the truth started to unfold so badly the man in the movie was lost again, as he was before. This got me thinking about myself, and please give me sympathy and I will hunt you and kill you 😀 Seriously, none of that stuff. But! Going back to how I felt after I watched this movie 23 made me understand that for the last 7+ years I was in utter denial over issues that happened in my life, I pretended to forget, I never actually forgot, I just pretended to
Why do some have this insight others don’t?
My Childhood I was a regular lad, loving parents and we had happy times, sadly there were bad times and I forgot to forget them I guess. Today as I write this my mind is my own and my body is slowly catching up as I beat myself to death every day in my boxing Gym, pushing my body to a stage of a pain I have no word for, leaving myself screaming in agony and crying like a little girl. But please understand I have woken up for the first time in my life. I always have said music and movies I love. Music is the only thing that connects us in the sense we all love some form of music we all have a song or a set of songs, just stop and think of your song, yeah, you get it,. Where as movies are a different art altogether, but to define it as art to begin with we must define art. Art is expression of the soul, it’s a thing people do for many reasons. Just because it’s relevant let me tell you about ‘Artists, something that will make sense more, but it begs the question, why do we lose our minds? We see it every day with famous people and people we know and love, I was almost there, I am talking through experience here 😀 I shouldn’t smile because it was real and Millions of people live with a bad mind and never come back, what makes some go mad and others able to pull back from brink, it seems It’s only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve our minds, but not always for the better
Strange minds come in all walks of life
Ferris Bueller Actor Matthew Broderick was driving in Ireland when he was involved in a car crash. One person in the other vehicle died. Oscar Pistorius killed his girlfriend, Snoop Dogg was charged in connection with the death of Philip Woldemariam, a gang member who was shot dead by Snoop’s bodyguard. OJ Simpson we know and really I could go on and on. Hitler was a painter before he wanted to kill, Pol pot was a painter and killed millions, again I could go on and on and on. The point I am making is the most amazing/crazy minds can also kill and the line between Brilliant and Crazy is so small it’s almost invisible. If people mean it or not they find a way always a way is found, and if they can move on with life after the event all the better but not always. I am as we speak putting myself into that cast of people, why you ask? Well I lost badly, I lost so badly I sit here just realising I did lose badly. And now I play that dreaded disabled card on you
The Courtyard of the Old Residency in Munich, Adolf Hitler, 1914
I was 24 or so when the pain came, I was a Baker, football player just stopped and starting to help with my two sons football, I partied and I had a very active live. Then the Government in their wisdom signed me off work for LIFE with what I had at the time A SORE KNEE! Yeah, the Government who decide who lives and dies today signed me off from Work aged 24, today I am that signed off person, but I am asking if they put me there through being lazy, because of that one Dr working for the Government I am not disabled with M.E, Fibromyalgia and C.P.S with no cure or relief . I stopped working, and I got my head into football, I was OBSESSED by it, so obsessed I became a qualified in Scotland and Europe Football Manager, I never managed higher than 4,000 fans at a time and never got past Senior Adult level when I stopped 8+ years ago due to the pain, Football gave me a voice, I led, never did I lead with ego, I led as in team, I led from the front as part of 4 teams and won 19 trophies in 15 seasons as coach and manager. Also I was a DJ for a while in a club my family are involved in, then IT ALL STOPPED
I know, I know!! Shared already, BUT I WAS WINNING AT LIFE!
Here I am in 2016 and I am waking up, because I don’t have a voice any more I guess that is why I blog, it must be that because I really dislike Social Media and Blogging 😀 Stupid and ridiculous or what? My mind is now my own, the pain is getting so bad I just have to own and accept as well as allow the pain now, I have to make it my own and just step forward. My mind is in a better place but I am still a long way away from full awakening. Remember I wrote this? Way back in November 20th 2014 I discovered something but didn’t know what at the time with Finding Nirvana, Reading a 2014 blog over again just now is showing me that was the day I knew I had to change my ways or started to know it, and strange as it is, Nirvana is a state of mind in BLISS, I am not far away, in agony you ask? You just have to put your mind in a good place, that or die, that is my or was my deal and something I know many are suffering all over the World. I won’t ever be better, the pain will only get worse, the medication I hope will be totally gone. Waking up with a free mind is something, and it’s ALL RIGHT HERE! Seriously I could take all these blogs and write a book about a 24 year old guy who lost everything but gained so much he forgot to stop and know it. I have two sons around early 20’s, two little girls around 5 years old and my Partner. I also have my Mum and other family who I am connecting back with these days. Life is good when it should be hell, confused yet?
The Number 23 Official Traile
Via New Line Cinema on You Tube
So that was the movie that made me blog this. To anyone living in denial or pain, anything like this, please know you can own your mind one day. I will admit it, for a few years I was gone because of the Dr’s Heroin prescriptions and also the pain, it took my mind without asking, it made me into something I wasn’t, it confused me and I thank God my partner loved me so much she hung around, it made me paranoid and it made me close up and place myself in a bubble, hell I even wrote about that in 2013!! 3 years ago tomorrow I wrote this When we place ourselves in a private bubble, turn to love, WOW!! 1 DAY AWAY FROM 3 YEARS!! Nah I am joking, well I am not, it’s true, the Movie 23 if you have not seen it is about that kind of thinking in numbers, what I just said about 3 years is funny, if you have not seen this movie you won’t get it 😀 Anyway, nearly 7AM, I best go and find something to do. But I will leave you with one song, just one song that is and has helped me through, 1 song from hundreds I guess. When people sit and make songs millions, 10’s of millions of people like them, so is that an art form? Am I any different to any artist? Are any of us? PS: You must watch the number 23, it is a masterpiece with a truth to it so unreal. Seriously, research 23 <Click) it might just make you go mad, 23 is one of the most commonly cited prime numbers, or is there more? 😉
Dying Inside – Gary Barlow in concert
Via Ivy Neeson on You Tube
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