Celebrate the life of Chester Bennington on YouTube. Friday 27th October #LinkinPark #FuckDepression

Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington tribute at the Hollywood Bowl will be live-streamed on YouTube this Friday, October 27. According to Billboard, the Linkin Park & Friends Celebrate Life in Honor of Chester Bennington concert will stream online at 7:45 p.m. PT. Early afternoon UK time, late evening for anyone in Australia, look out your own regions GMT and get the time right if you care to watch what will be an emotional night remembering a man who fought his demons, wrote about them and sang them to the World. He may be gone but but his Music is forever. Saying goodbye is choice, I say never say goodbye

The show will mark the first time the band has performed since Bennington’s suicide on July 20. Other acts set to perform include Blink-182, Bring Me The Horizon, Machine Gun Kelly, and Jonathan Davis from Korn.In addition to the tribute show, Linkin Park’s surviving members recently established the One More Light Fund in honor of Bennington as an off-shoot of the Music For Relief organization. Co-founded by Bennington, the nonprofit organization helps provide relief for survivors of natural disasters.

Via: https://johnjayandrich.iheart.com/

Linkin Park YouTube Channel: Linkin Park

[VIDEO] ♫ One More Light ♪ A Song for people tryingto beat sadness
Via Shaun Gibson on YouTube

Chester’s Wife Talinda (Twitter name: @TalindaB ) Tweet Below, is very strong in her message for #FuckDepression. My own natural thoughts as a fellow sufferer, as my Family do too is ‘Why do we say Rest In Peace’ after Death? And not say things like ‘Live in Peace’ when alive? – Why do we leave it too late, why don’t we notice the signs and help more before someome leaves us or ‘The light goes out’ on life? 😦 We must shove the Taboo nature of Suicide to one side and understand for MILLIONS of people it is a living emotion that lasts every waking moment. For many of us going to sleep at night or any time of the day is a quick release, waking up can be the moment we say ‘Enough’ – I can only promise my loved ones ‘I am trying’ alone, to beat Suicide and say #FuckDepression!



Some Tweets from around the World:






Shaun Gibson Twitter: @ShaunyScot
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Shaun Celtic FC Twitter: @ShaunyCeltic



♫ For anyone with Mental Health issues ♫

Images and Lyrics. For anyone with Mental Health issues – Chester Bennington – Numb – I myself suffer from Suicidal thoughts and a ton more. But I don’t suffer in silence nor alone. I talk, I speak up, and I have MANY good friends who are like me. Policemen, Trades Workers, Teachers, Sports Coaches, pretty much EVERY level of Society there are people I know who have a daily thought of Suicide. Many call it depression, for me it’s just darkness, sadness.

For anyone with Mental Health issues – Chester Bennington – Numb
Via:  Shaun Gibson on You Tube

NEVER SADNESS FOR ME in-terms of ‘Shaun’, my sadness is for our World. Sadness for the World around me, sadness for the entire World. But when I say this, I know, we all know, many don’t believe us. They think we want sympathy, feeling sorry for us. Not what we want, we just want to talk about together so we don’t lay it on loved ones. Life CAN be that easy, why some resist the easy and make it harder still, is beyond my thoughts. Never in hate…Always in peace and love. Shaun






Shaun Gibson Twitter: @ShaunyScot
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Shaun Celtic FC Twitter: @ShaunyCeltic







Why Do We Fall? – Motivational Video For People Who Can’t Stand Up


Strange day in many ways today. I spoke with a ton of people who are ill or disabled, even dying. All we can offer are words with no reasons often. So without over talking (Typing) here I will cut to the chase. Now this works for me and I told others and it works for them, they say ‘Thank you Shaun’ But keep in mind I was taught this also, I once thanked a person. When the pain, depression, panic attacks, whatever happen or sets in, try and use a tool. Now this tool can be music, a movie, a walk, basically reaffirming your own reasons to carry on, because sometimes people don’t carry on and we are left thinking “Should I have said more” But the reality is we can be guilt. So I am offering a solution that works for me. Music and motivational things. Head-set on and it does help. I use music but I also listen to reasons why. If you want to help others stand up or be helped to stand up please know you can join this small group, I keep it small so people can talk and be heard..so fire away.. Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Issues <Click)

I hope this helps you!!

Why Do We Fall – Motivational Video
Via Mateusz M on You Tube

More love, Less hate – More helping! 


Twitter: @ShaunyNews
ShaunyNews Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Shaunynews/
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I have always loved this saying

I have always loved this saying

Via: Lisa Lorden Myers

Earlier today I did this blog https://acenewsdesk.wordpress.com/2014/12/12/taboo-series-suicide/ and I posted it on my Fibromyalgia and any Chronic issue Facebook page for us all to discuss Chronic Illness, things that don’t kill you, they kill your spirit if you let it. I seen this here and I MUST share this page with YOU who have chronic pain or Fibromyalgia or any or any other “Can’t kill you” chronic Condition here> http://www.cfidsselfhelp.org/library/killing-me-softly-fmcfs-suicide Links and as much info on the “Devils Disease” as I could throw together. Not till I started my Group on Facebook for Chronic Pain/Fibro/Depression, anything Chronic, did I understand the level of suffering in others…

…..I AM NOT ALONE, AS I AM MADE TO FEEL BY FAMILY AND FRIENDS. But hey, that is no happy feeling. Reassuring maybe? Our biggest challenge as sufferers is almost impossible to the point we just say ‘Feck it’ and give up. I don’t want to give up on family/friends who don’t like ‘New Shaun’ because to me they are ‘New Them’ it is totally a 2 way street. I notice people look at me as if I am screwing the Government for money, facts are I receive not ONE PENNY from the Government. The only message I want to get through to my loved ones is “This is why I am in bed, this is why I am in a lot, this is why I don’t visit” and once we get past that we can all smile, love, have fun and move the FECK ON! I speak for many (And I tagged a few in here when posting) when I say this, all we want is UNDERSTANDING. Then we can all move on, simple really. But we see things that may not be there, we feel things that may not be there. But to define this is to define Fibro. Fibro is new, not many people know about it, not many who live in pain know they have it. STRESS = PAIN as well as other things with Fibro/CPS, I know in America for example you guys pay for EVERYTHING and that is wrong. Here in Scotland EVERYTHING Health related is free. Now Scotland has greater powers it will only get better. Seeing your Dr is Free, All your Medication is free, Hospital visits be them arranged or not are free, X-Rays and ALL operations are free. I could not survive in a country anywhere where the stress of not knowing all of the above was covered so it must be murder for you guys. My heart goes out to you all 

In Scotland  they grade you 1 to 10…You get asked 100 questions in a book you take home, each question is 1 – good or 10 – DEAD (I am joking, 10 is the worst) I am 10, do you know your score? Try it below

PLEASE SHARE YOUR RESULTS IN THE BLOG AND ON MY PAGE ALSO, IT HELPS US ALL!! http://www.anapsid.org/cnd/diagnosis/berne.html

Via Hunter Medicare Local on You Tube – Official Scottish Video from our NHS (National Health Service)
PLEASE GIVE THIS A WATCH PEEPS..IT ‘WILL’ HELP. Ask your partner, parents, family, friends etc to watch also.
Understanding Pain: What to do about it in less than five minutes?


Knowing the signs are crucial, if we can save one life this article and you reading it was worth it


photo_libraryBy Lisa Lorden Myers

Note: Lisa Lorden Myers, a CFS/fibromyalgia patient from California, is a well-known writer. For three years, she was the Guide to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia at About.com. This article was originally published in Fibromyalgia Frontiers, the journal of the National Fibromyalgia Partnership. Lisa now runs the website
Living with CFS & Fibromyalgia.



On August 15, 1996, Dr. Jack Kevorkian reportedly assisted in the suicide of Judith Curren, 42, of Pembroke, Massachusetts. She suffered from chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) and fibromyalgia (FM). Jan Murphy, another FM sufferer, also turned to Kevorkian for help; ABCNews.com later reported her assisted suicide in the summer of 1997. A recently publicized investigation in the UK revealed that just last year, Julia Revill, age 58, hanged herself outside her family home after becoming frustrated at a lack of medical help for her Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME). ME is the name used abroad for chronic fatigue syndrome. She had shown some improvement after treatment at the UK’s only ME hospital in Essex but had been refused funding by the local health authority for further treatment there, and her condition deteriorated. The loss of “one of our own” always hits hard. These and other reports sent shock waves through the FM/CFS community. Patients with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome have an exquisite understanding of the pain, both physical pain and emotional anguish, associated with having a poorly understood, incurable disease. “When you start hearing there is no hope, no treatment, and no cure over and over, you lose your will to fight,” wrote Jan Murphy in a eulogy read at her funeral. “What most people saw of me was a shell of what was going on inside.” The FM/CFS community is certainly not alone in addressing the problem of suicide. Each year, about 30,000 people in the United States take their own lives. It is the 11th leading cause of death in our country and accounts for about 1.5% of all deaths in the US.

Suicide and FM/CFS

It is unclear whether there is an increased risk of suicide among FM/CFS patients, as compared to the general population. In 2006, Leonard Jason and colleagues published a study analyzing a memorial list maintained by the National CFIDS Foundation. They reported that suicide was one of the three leading causes of death in the sample, along with heart disease and cancer. The researchers noted several limitations to the study, including uncertainty about whether the list was representative of people with CFS and concluded “clearly, it is not possible to generalize the data from this memorial list to the overall population of patients with CFS.”


The truth I just know hurts us all, Family who get angry with us…

However, there is evidence that chronic pain and illness put patients at risk for suicide. An illness like fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, which is often doubted or neglected by the medical community, the public, and sometimes family and friends, can present unique problems. Patients with FM/CFS can become victims of isolation and despair. Secondary depression is a well-known symptom of FM/CFS and is common with any type of chronic pain. Sufferers depend on a variety of sources of support, including pain management, psychological support, and financial support. When one of these essential needs remains unmet over a long period of time, it is possible for patients to begin to believe that their situation is hopeless. In fact, a recent report published by Action for ME, a UK non-profit organization, revealed that 51% of survey respondents have felt suicidal as a result of their illness. Those with the most severe cases of the illness and who received delayed diagnosis and management were most likely to have considered suicide.

Responding to Suicidal Thoughts

How we feel..

How we feel..

Martha Ainsworth, founder and director of Metanoia, a non-profit organization dedicated to suicide prevention, describes the problem of suicide succinctly. She writes, “Suicide happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide, and individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain. According to Ainsworth, you can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible. It is important to realize that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The Journal of the American Medical Association has reported that 95% of all suicides occur at the peak of a depressive episode. For many people who feel suicidal, there seems to be no other way out. But suicidal thoughts are typically a reflection of distorted thinking caused by severe depression or even by the neurological changes associated with FM/CFS itself. When we are depressed, we tend to see things through the very narrow perspective of the present moment. A week or a month later, things may look completely different.

Warning Signs of Suicide

  • Talking or joking about suicide or statements about being reunited with a deceased loved one

  • Making statements about hopelessness, helplessness, or worthlessness (“Life is useless” or “Everyone would be better off without me.”)

  • Preoccupation with death (recurrent death themes in music, literature, or drawings)

  • Appearing suddenly happier or calmer

  • Loss of interest in things one cares about

  • Unusual visiting or calling people one cares about (saying good-byes)

  • Giving possessions away, making arrangements, or settling one’s affairs

  • Self-destructive or risk-taking behavior (alcohol/drug abuse, reckless driving, self-injury or mutilation)




LOL..So true

Most people who once thought about killing themselves are now glad to be alive. They say they didn’t want to end their lives – they just wanted to stop the pain. According to Dr. William Collinge, Ph.D., author of several books including Recovering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, “If you can remind yourself that the suicidal thoughts or feelings are transitory and symptomatic of the illness, this will help you get through those times when you are in the bottom of the pits and can’t see any way out. Also, talking about your feelings with a confidant or loved one can help immeasurably.”Experts agree that talking about suicidal feelings is one of the most important things you can do. Talking to a caring and supportive friend or family member can be helpful, and there are a variety of helplines and support groups to whom people who are feeling suicidal can reach out. Severe depression, the primary cause of suicide, is highly treatable. If depression is recognized and treated, many suicides can be prevented. Anyone who has suffered with fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome knows that it requires a huge adjustment, not only to the illness itself but to all the consequences it has on our lives. Chronic illness is likely to affect the way sufferers live, the way they see themselves, and how they relate to others. With the present state of world events, many people are feeling additional tension, anxiety, or sadness. But suffering with severe depression may be unnecessary. If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, it’s essential that you know you don’t have to go it alone. Suicide is preventable, and there are a variety of resources that can provide the support you need.

FAMILY/FRINDS/FIBRO/CPS – http://www.cfidsselfhelp.org/library/topic/Family+%2526+Friends





Taboo Series – Suicide


As part of my ‘Taboo’ series I am going to talk about things in life people don’t want to talk about. Suicide is something that has hit many of us, be it a family member or a friend. I had a VERY close family try it a few years back, the person was ok. They came to my house a few days later, we hugged and cried. I jokingly said “Stay away from medicine cabinet” and we laughed. Maybe this is just the Scottish way, I don’t know, I have never left this Island.

I asked  the person ‘Why’ The reply was not what I expected. They smiled at me and said “It felt right, I felt ok, I felt comforted by something” And that was hard to take. I expected a disturbed warped mind out of control for life. But no, the person never tried it again, for a time we all worried they would but over time we relaxed about it. When I say this person was close, it’s a person I have known from birth who I look to as Super Human, a person you just wouldn’t think would do this. I have lived through several suicides in my 41 years from family and friends and people I knew through people. And the question we have is ‘Why’ I hope the comment the person above gave me gives others peace of mind if they have lost someone to suicide. It seems to always be the people we NEVER would have thought would do this, that do it. The strongest people, the strongest willed people. Ever noticed this?

So how do we spot it? How do we acknowledge a person is suicidal? For me it is near impossible, people in my past and present who have committed suicide or tried were happy, they seemed fine, people always say this. But then we have people in Hospital to stop them taking their own life. People who just don’t see this World as a viable place to be any more. All I know is the hurt it leaves behind lasts a life time, but we get through it, we learn to understand a person’s state of mind. And we can say “They are at peace now” Many in religion will say “They go to hell” Well I don’t believe this at all, there is no proof hell exists, but there is proof love exists.

Many say ‘It’s the cowards way out’ I don’t know if I agree with that saying. Thinking about it must take the strongest will a human being can summoned up to do this deed. They must be so strong to go through with it. I often wonder when people do it is there regret. Maybe it was a cry for help gone wrong, they didn’t want to die, they wanted to tell the World something, their World

I have never tried to commit suicide but I was close twice and been there more times. This was when everything I had was taken from me due to disability, things just kept going, every day, week, year, even now I have lost a person so close to me, I have known since birth. I have lost that person due to MY DISABILITY, MY ISSUES, MY WAYS. I don’t sit and cry about it, see it takes two people to see there is a problem and two people to understand it needs fixed

Suicide is a huge Taboo and I guess it’s best it stays that way. But we all must look closer, we must pay attention more. Teachers in high Schools must help also, they must look. We must look at depressed family and friends and always ask “You ok?” We must also be ready to listen to people. If we stop and ask and that person is allowed to tell a story we may stop that person committing suicide. We all have a part to play in the most taboo subject there is. We must show love, we must care, we must try. But if it happens we can’t live in hurt, the person who left us made the decision, don’t regret for life, we all have reasons to keep living and moving forward. If we allow life to do so it will kick us to the floor and keep us there, so we fight, we stay strong, we at least try and most important WE TALK! Talk to people you KNOW that will listen to you, this is a must

Suicidal thought have left me now, I accepted my new reality, it is so sad many can’t. So please, if you look at someone now, tomorrow, whenever and you think “Could they?” Please talk to that person.

Trust me, you can help so please try.

Shaun x

.Via Dominik Bieda

depression and-suicidal quotes-tumblrdepression-and-suicidal-quotes-tumblr-flashtofitcom-prepare-shn8xszf

21 Tips to Keep Your Shit Together When You’re Depressed


1)   Know that you’re not alone. Know that we are a silent legion, who, every day face the solipsism and judgement of Happy People Who Think We Just Aren’t Trying.  There are people who are depressed, people who have been depressed, and people who just haven’t been hit with it yet.

2)   Understand that the Happy People are usually acting out of some genuine (albeit misguided) concern for you, that it’s coming from a good place, even if the advice feels like you’re being blamed for your disease. Telling you these things makes them feel better, even if it makes you feel like shit. (If they insist on keeping it up, see #12.)

3)   Enlist the help of a professional.  See your doctor. You need to talk about the ugly shit, and there are people paid to listen and help you find your way to the light at the end of the tunnel.

4)   Understand that antidepressants will only do so much. They’re useful, they’ll level you out and give you the time you need to figure out your own path to getting well. They can be helpful. There are lots to choose from. They may not be for you, and even if they are, they take some time to kick in. Conversely, they may not be for you. Work with your doctor.

5)   Pick up a paintbrush, a pencil, an activity you got joy from in the past and re-explore that.  Or, sign up for the thing you always wanted to try. There is a long history and link between depression and creativity. It’s a bright light of this condition, so utilize it to your best advantage.

6)   Eat nutritionally sound, regular small meals. If you’re having trouble eating, try to focus on what you’d like to eat. I went through a whole six week episode of tomatoes and cream cheese on a bagel twice a day. Not great, but it was something – helpful context, I’m a recovered anorexic. Conversely, if all you want to do is scarf down crap, try to off-ramp it by downing a V-8 and doing #9 for 15 minutes, and see how you feel.  Chucking your blood sugar all over hell’s half acre is going to make you feel worse.

7)   While you’re doing #3, get some bloodwork done. If you’re low on iron or vitamin D, or if your hormone levels are doing the Macarena… these can all contribute to zapping your energy or switching your mood to Bleak As Hell.

8)   If you’re in bed and the “insomnia hamsters”, as I like to call them, are on the wheel of your head, watch Nightly Business News on PBS. This has the effect of Nyquil.  Swap out your coffee for herbal tea. If you just cannot sleep, try the next tip….

9)   Learn how to meditate. Start by focusing on your breathing. Not sleep, not thoughts. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Meditation is focusing on being present in your body, not careening around in your brain. It may not be as good as sleep but it will give you some rest and recharge you.

10)    Face a window as often as you can – at work, at home. Look out into the world. Watch. Observe. Try to find something you find pretty or interesting to focus on. And, handily remember that one in five of those people out there feel the way you do.

11)    Cry. Better out than in. Sometimes it’s not convenient or career-enhancing to cry, so find a private place as best you can and let the tears go. Carry Kleenex and face wipes and extra concealer if you wear makeup. You can always claim allergies.

12)    Any “friend” who resolutely believes that your depression is because you’re lazy, because you’re not trying hard enough, who blames you for not bootstrapping out of it- that friend needs to be cut off. Polite (#2) is one thing, but there is a limit. You don’t have to explain, you can just not respond. You feel badly enough, you don’t need their “assistance”.

13)  Limit your time with people who drain you. You know who they are. Often you don’t have a choice- but you can put the meter on. And, subsequently, be aware of what you’re asking of those close to you.

14)    Everyone has shit they’ve got to deal with. What you have been saddled with is your shit. Recognize, just as you’re not alone, you’re also not unique. The grass may look greener, you may be jealous or envious of others who don’t have to deal with depression, but you likely do not know everything that’s going on with them.

15)  Let go or be dragged. This is an old Buddhist saying. It’s a very useful way to frame aspects of depression. Betrayal, anger, fear… letting go is a process – often a painful and difficult process – but it’s ultimately going to show you the path out of this terrible place. Repeating the mantra can help when you’re feeling gripped by these feelings.

16)    Wear clothes that make you feel confident. It takes as much time to put on nice clothes as it does to put on sweatpants. You will want to wear the sweatpants. Fight the urge. The whole “look good/feel better” campaign isn’t limited to cancer and chemotherapy. Or women.

17)    Avoid fictional drama and tragedy like the plague. No Grey’s Anatomy, no to The Notebook, or anything that won a Pulitzer prize. You’ve got enough going on In Real Life. Comedy only.  Or trashy stuff. Old episodes of WonderWoman? I’ve got the box set. Mindless drivel, like the latest CGI blockbuster. Or clever, funny books. David Sedaris. Jenny Lawson. Fiction exists to elicit emotion, and the emotion you need to express most right now is laughter.

18)   Simple exercise, if you can. It can be something as simple as taking the stairs up a flight, or walking around the block. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, it doesn’t have to involve climbing a mountain or running a marathon. Baby steps.

19)    Depression will lie to you. Depression will try to tell you what others are thinking.  That you are unloved and unworthy, that others think little of you or don’t care – or even wish you harm. You are not a psychic. Keep repeating that. “I am not a psychic”.  Repeat. The only way to know what another person is thinking is to up and ask them.

20)  If you are well and truly losing this battle, reach out to someone. I’ve been the random friendly-but-not-close person who has fielded the occasional outreach. I like to think I’m not judgemental and generally resourceful, and others have thought the same, so they called and asked. You know someone like me. And they will help you.

21)    Forgive yourself.  I’m writing out all these tips, and I can’t always muster the strength to even stick my nose outside, or walk up the stairs, or eat my vegetables. Today, I got outside for ten minutes. I will try again tomorrow. And I will try again the day after that.

Chronic Pain Syndrome, Sleeping Patterns, Pain, God and much more!


Anyone with Chronic Pain Syndrome should be able to understand here. Sleeping patterns, they are awful and just when you think you have found a routine to sleep, like a normal person, along comes the pain and leaves you in agony and unable to sleep

I go through this every week, for months, for years now, I am past making it annoy me I guess I have accepted it, but it still depresses me. I have not been told I am clinically depressed, some people just get depressed once in a while, happens to the best of us yeah?

I personally seem to go through a pattern of 4 days. An example of this week below

Sunday – Good sign, I was asleep just before midnight and up before 09:00 am!

Monday – Sleeping for 23:00 and awake at 07:30 with the kids = Superb

Tuesday – Fell asleep at 22:00 and was up and showered for 07:30 am all told

Wednesday – Fell asleep at 22:00 again, and was up with my Daughters at 08:00 am

Thursday – Tonight…………NOTHING

Friday – As I type it is 04:05 and I am in agony, tonight it is my left hip, it feels locked, it feels like I have a fracture or a break, I just can’t move it. So 1 Diazepam, 1 Dihydrocodeine and 1 Tramadol later and lashings of Voltaren Gel and the pain has reduced a whopping 10% or so

See this is just one of 100 things about Chronic Pain. The pain is the main show in town, but all these small side effects, issues due to pain and medication, or lack of medication, or too much medication, having to take more medication because of the medication you are on, sleep, making plans, going out for a meal for example is near on impossible for me, visiting family and friends, going to the shops, going to the bathroom, showering or bathing to getting dressed and all in-between are a REAL issue

So not only are you in pain, you are miserable due to all the things that come with this invisible disability people discriminate against every day, WHY? You ask. Well if you are not in a wheelchair coming out of your car in a disabled parking bay you are a cheat and lair to people watching on, yeah these sad people who are perfect and have a perfect life. I am joking of course, these people are so sad and miserable they go about pointing others issues out to distract from their own problems. Why is this relevant you ask, well it is because it is all part of the issue. Pain is the tip of a very big iceberg afloat at Sea for people with Chronic Pain, and tiny problems become monster problems

I would not wish this crap on my worst enemy, if I had an enemy. I don’t keep enemies, they can keep me, you are on your own, so I would not wish this on a Dog or a Cat or any other Animal. It is truly the most difficult way to live, especially when 99% of us had a pain free childhood, and knew a life where there was no pain, we could do anything, like anybody, but  the pain comes and it  is like all over body toothache. This is the best way I can describe this pain, all over body toothache feeling

It could be worse, and I know it could be, but right this second, I am done, I had a slight argument with an Admin on a cracking Social Media site tonight, and I think perhaps this played a part. As many with Chronic Pain will testify, a STUPID debate or one wrong word can set you off into the land of stress, sadly for us, Stress = more pain, then worrying about the pain leads to more pain, this in-turn leads to a depression type feeling, yeah, you got it, leading to more pain and due to one medication I have the memory of the stupidest goldfish in the class 🙂

I am on the path looking for God at the moment, and sadly times like this I ask “Why God” and I hear people say “God works in mysterious ways” or “It is Gods way of helping you become a better person” And if the truth be told, living like this gives you a sense of caring. But God, if you are listening. I care, I have learnt my lesson, I am done, can you please stop? Can you realise that I am not happy to learn this? I am not happy with this Mystery God.  I respect your ways God, I do, but not this way I don’t! 14 years of pain getting worse as I approach age 40. I have had enough God. No saying or religious meaning at this second will help me understand why you put me in all this pain. I am not a Buddhist that I know off. So please God, whatever your plan is for me, can I ask you re-think the plan? Because this is HELL to me. I talk to you, reach to you, I have done for many years, but the pain still comes. If you are trying to build my character, God I have character. Please, enough! I beg. Let me live with less pain so I can be a regular Husband and Father and go back to having some sort of life.

I don’t ask for much. In-fact I  don’t pray for much, this is a sick joke now, but that is the pain talking. I just want to be regular and normal and sleep like the rest of the inhabitants in the GMT -/+0 Time Zone. As things stand I am Australian one week, and from the West Coast of the USA the next with a hint of GMT time thrown in for good measure 😦

Please God

I am deeply sorry for anyone who suffer as I do, it blows


Days when you feel ugly inside and out

Stuck in my own mind

Stuck in my own mind



Today is one of these days where I feel I am not worthy of the love and attention from loved ones. I am in my bubble. Remember this? http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/03/05/when-we-place-ourself-in-a-private-bubble-from-life/

I don’t want to talk to anyone; I don’t want sympathy as I am not that that type, as I sit here at my laptop utter emotionless, and pretending to the world I am ok, I am not ok. And here is where this is page, this blog saves me

The song below is how I feel, word for word, I am sorry I disappoint you; even you though may say I have not. I want badly, to be that fit lad again who could walk far, never mind run. Today I was ok, then in a split second, one picture, I felt the darkness come, and it is all over me right now

Right now I feel so selfish, I have hidden myself away in my Kitchen knowing I will get peace to just be left alone. It is a very selfish place. And right now I can only think about my partner, again, the song below will explain. I feel utterly useless and of use to nobody right now, just this second I guess I could not be here and nobody would care. Although this is the depression telling me this. I am so tired; I have fallen asleep 3 times during the course of today, the pain I am in and my refusal to take the pills means the pain is making me fall asleep and affecting my thinking.

Who am I? I am just a number, a nobody, just a useless disabled person who writes pathetic blogs in a secret diary I share with the planet. Why would my partner, who is all beauty inside and out want me? Why would she, and why does she put up with me when I climb into my bubble and just want left alone. “Take the pills” a voice tells me, “No” I reply, as I know they make me false and make me better, but a false better. So I sit here, in a busy house, all alone. I sit here speaking to a Laptop as I can’t share this with anyone in my house. They would listen, but why should I burden them with my problems, I do every day.

I feel utterly useless. Did I disappoint you? Did I let you down? I feel I did. No words this second will change. I love you, and I always will and always have, since the day I seen you in your school uniform when we were 12 and 13 years old, but today  I want to remember us as we used to be

Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun,

Yes I saw you were blind and I knew I had won.

So I took what’s mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won’t stop there,

I am here for you if you’d only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,

My heart was blinded by you.

I’ve kissed your lips and held your head.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I’ve been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,

You can’t break my spirit – it’s my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,

Remember us and all we used to be

I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile.

I’ve watched you sleeping for a while.

I’d be the father of your child.

I’d spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.

We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine,

And I love you, I swear that’s true.

I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.

In mine when I’m asleep.

And I will bear my soul in time,

When I’m kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow.

I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow.

 I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow.

I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow.

** Audio Blog ** – Chronic Pain

Chronic Pain Audio Blog

Chronic Pain Audio Blog

I do these Audio blogs from time to time, two reasons, 1. Sometimes I am to sore too type for that long. 2. I would rather listen than read sometimes myself.

I kept this one light heart hearted, I hope you all learn something from it. Especially about Edinburgh and the Zoo we have lol

The You Tube video about Chronic pain from Australia. G’Day

Email me Shauny1973@hotmail.com

Add me to Skype, username Shaunyg1973