Please Do Not Forget Me…………

SO not the best of headlines, but YES it was click-bait 😀 Just watched a 3 part TV show on channel 5 called ‘Celebs In Solitary‘ – Really got me thinking about ‘Solitude’ and how I have basically been in solitary myself, against my own will now for the best part of 15 years. NO SYMPATHY OR I WILL SHOOT YOU ALL 🙂 None of that. Was an amazing 3 Part TV show you can get on 5 Catch-up here in the UK. 4 People went in, London-born rapper Professor Green, World’s Strongest Man Eddie Hall, comedian Shazia Mirza and TV presenter Anthea Turner, all went in for 5 days, amazing programme on the Human mind if you care to watch it. For me it made me ask “COULD I DO THIS” The obvious answer from a medical point of view is ‘NO’ But from a psychological point of view, I think I could.

This show I could identify with easily. Stuck in a small place with only your mind to think. I live in agony. so what, my mind is always in some state of pretend in terms of funny, depressed and everything in-between. I am a STRONG LAD, I know my strengths and weaknesses for sure, do you? I know my limits, I know where I can and can’t be. Example I couldn’t sit in a room with 20 strangers, but I could sit on a stage and talk to 10,000 people, EASY!! And I could sing to 20,000 people EASY. I often sit in a Dr’s office and other ‘Social places’ and just don’t look up, head in my phone ‘JUST INCASE’ someone triggers me. I am not a safe person to be around when triggered, so I don’t be social, IT’S THAT SIMPLE. With the right people, kids, parents, partner, certain family and friends, NOT A PROBLEM. But stick me in an environment I can’t control and I can lose the plot. I am NOT A SCARED PERSON, but I am NOT sitting here typing ‘I am a hard fighting person either’ –  As I typed above, I know who I am am, where I am, and I have became comfy with it sadly. I say sadly because you DO GET COMFY LOCKED UP. I love being around my Kids, it’s a HAPPY PLACE. My Grand-kids too when I can. Give me a comfy zone and I can relax, my mind has learnt to just be myself. To give you an example of the Danger I can be, I could give you 100 different stories. Recently my partner and two Daughters 9 and 8 years old went to a local store to pick up furniture from a shop, the person at the till working said something, I drifted from smiling to EVIL LOOK….Then my 9 year old Daughter stood in-front of me, pulled my coat, I looked down, she was smiling saying ‘You ok Daddy’ – In a heartbeat I realized about 20 other people waiting to be served had noticed my reaction, I looked around, some winked as to say ‘I can understand why you nearly lost it‘ and others looked away. The guy behind the till was serving a woman and child in-front of us, and he was talking to the woman like she was shit on a shoe, so I put my head in and said to this ‘MAN’ “Mate go easy on her yeah” – He then lifted his head and said “Mind your own business” – I LOST IT, I started at him with Death in my eyes, I was ready to talk to him, to react. My Daughter saved me, but our Kids are our reasons, they do save us, they don’t know it, but they do. In reality I spend LOTS of my time in my Man-Cave , door closed and left alone, it’s not healthy, my Dr, psychologists and pain specialists all tell me “GET OUT MORE” – Easier said than done, as I say I know my own boundaries, I can control them in a room whilst alone, am I happy. FUCK YEAH. If like anyone reading this I accept the SHIT PART OF LIFE AS NORMAL, that is a road to nowhere, so remaining positive helps us all, please keep trying, don’t give in, find reason, finds reasons, find something to do. I used to blog 2 or 3 times a day WITH HELP but I stopped because I found singing, music helped me more, and of course my kids and anyone else who I love.

My Man-Cave

To sum up, WE ALL SUFFER, WE ALL HAVE SOMETHING HOLDING US BACK, WE CAN ALL REACH UNHAPPY, WE CAN ALL FIND PAIN…IF WE LOOK. I look and it’s a concept of the Human mind I have no control over, so I control what I can and leave things I can’t, it’s me being honest, 100% totally honest. I found being HONEST is a saving Grace to us all. I was a liar, a cheat, the worst version of me I could be. I was a broken man, today I am still a broken man, but I control the broken parts best I can. Giving up just isn’t IN MY BLOOD. My kids send me songs all the time, this one SAVED ME ONE DAY. I ask nobody for anything these days, I know for loved ones and friends they might be thinking “Does he like me or love me”, the answer is OF COURSE I DO. But I am respecting YOU by respecting my boundaries. Thank you for reading, and please REACH BACK if you are honest enough to feel you need to reach. Here I am just reaching to people who may be stuck in an emotion they can’t control. PLEASE REACH BACK

Shauny x

♫ LYRICS ♫
Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can’t
It isn’t in my blood
Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing
I’m overwhelmed and insecure, give me something
I could take to ease my mind slowly
Just have a drink and you’ll feel better
Just take her home and you’ll feel better
Keep telling me that it gets better
Does it ever?
Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me
I’m crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can’t
It isn’t in my blood
It isn’t in my blood
I’m looking through my phone again, feeling anxious
Afraid to be alone again, I hate this
I’m trying to find a way to chill, can’t breathe, oh
Is there somebody who could
Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me
I’m crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can’t
It isn’t in my blood
It isn’t in my blood
I need somebody now
I need somebody now
Someone to help me out
I need somebody now
Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can’t
It isn’t in my blood
It isn’t in my blood
It isn’t in my blood
I need somebody now
It isn’t in my blood
I need somebody now
It isn’t in my blood

MORE LOVE, LESS HATE

blogger-for-peace-van-2

BLOGGERS FOR PEACE AND SANITY

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

Shaun Gibson Twitter: @ShaunyScot
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Shaun Celtic FC Twitter: @ShaunyCeltic

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS - THIS REPRESENTS 'BETTER' FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS – THIS REPRESENTS ‘BETTER’ FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

 

My Personal Recovery – We can all recover – Reach out – We are here for you all

This CAN be true for many

So, recovery is the title, and it’s a slight lie. Today, 19th August 2018 I am in a slightly better place than I was when I wrote this for example. Finally in the ‘Mental Health’ System – LONG, HARD, ROAD AHEAD – I SEE HOPE!

My Last blog about this topic from back in April 23rd 2018

That blog above was my last blog about these issues we all suffer from, be it us or other we love or call friends. The last blog I done regarding our shared mental health issues, pain, suffering, depression, whatever is holding us all back is something I used to share every day. I had this belief that ‘Talking out is helping’ – The more I awaken from the mental distress I caused others via taking less Opiate based drugs, the more I see clearly that some of the things I did write over the years all the way back to 2011 were voices I had no control over. For me to sit and read my own words back shows me how awful I was. But like most I am not cured, I am not out of the woods. I think I have came to accept what is wrong with me, but more important, learnt to not throw my issues onto those I love. After all, we ALL have a Recovery story don’t we?

James Arthur – Recovery
Via: James Arthur on You Tube

GOD I MISS THIS!!

Along my journey I have become a soldier of war same as most, fighting for my Partner, my kids and other loved ones. What I see today is a FAMILY OF PEOPLE WHO CARE. Recently I was invited to start doing a Podcast on Football by 2 amazing lads. The Podcast is about Celtic FC and it’s called the Pod Black Brimmer. Spreaker and Itunes by the way 🙂 The UTTER abuse thrown at me from loved ones and friends here in Edinburgh for being part of a Podcast with THAT title is funny to be fair, but I am clever enough to understand, won’t stop me doing the podcast however 😀 I love my Celtic. Those who know me know I don’t hate, I am an Edinburgh lad exposed to the same life we all have been exposed too just in a different place, but to the 2 lads Brian and Davie who gave me a chance to show myself I can sit in my Man-Cave alone and talk Football, I can’t thank them enough. I suffer with 6 Disabilities, Suicidal thoughts, M.E. (Myalgic Mencephalomyelitis) + Fibromyalgia + PTSD + Agoraphobia and Psychosis and yeah IT’S HARD and the medication is harmful, but we must take these tablets and potions to stay level, do I agree with drug consumption to help us? Not really, but I don’t drink Alcohol. I see Alcohol as a legal, socially acceptable way to lose the feelings we feel, so each to their own, I just see Alcohol as a damaging liquid, just an observation through my own journey. I am not a scared person, I am aware these issues make me honest to a level I could be harmful to others, I cannot control these feelings, so I MANAGE my life along with my Amazing partner who I have known since age 14 and been with since age 17, she is my everything, my rock ❤ I don’t do these Podcasts or blogs to be a wee Snowflake or feel all special, no, it’s me sitting in a room alone talking about what I loved to do, and miss still to this day, Football, yeah I miss the Touchline, changing room, the chance to be social and all that comes with working with kids and adults in Football. NOTHING in Football can be done alone, it’s a Team game, no matter what your involvement is, you need others to carry and help you along the way. So I MUST thank Brian and Davie for noticing I was ready, and also everyone who loves me and who I love back x

Before we can even start to recover to a state of existence, first we MUST find reason. For me personally my reasons were easy. My Kids, my beautiful amazing partner, my Mum, Sisters, Brother, nieces and nephews with others and definitely friends. Lads I have known since I was a kid when my Dad used to run businesses and shops all over Edinburgh, all older than me, lol. Most of my Friends are older than me, so rooond you all, it’s great to be the youngest 😀 They all rip me brilliantly, make fun of me, but I do the same to them, IT’S A HEALTHY THING, and if any of you are reading. Do Remember!! One: Clerry Jungle and Two: Yous are Dicks 😀 Joking aside, my reasons were as simple as yours, because I know YOU struggle sometimes too. The game of Life is very simple for me. I say ‘LIFE IS HARD – SO DON’T MAKE IT WORSE FOR YOURSELF’ – Personally I believe if we start there with that saying, it’s a good start, we ain’t making things worse.

Linkin Park – Somewhere I Belong
Via: Linkin Park on You Tube

Sadly like you I suffer. The pain is horrific and my mind has thoughts I have to battle every moment. Managing THIS I can’t do alone. First and foremost my partner has helped me, guided me, taught me and keeps doing so. My 2 sons too help me, 2 amazing lads who are amazing men with loving partners and are Dads themselves with two little kids, a wee boy and a wee girl just waiting on their GAGA to jump into their lives. When the time is right, life will allow it, I pray this is true. The harm and hurt I have caused others is an issue I must get past and find a way to find hope and live. Suicide is a thought, also an act, but first a living breathing thought.

Depression #FuckDepression!!! is a darkness most have, some higher than others, but suffering is suffering. I used to think I had it worse, but I was 32 or something then 😀 Here I am just turned 45 and I have found ‘Comfort in Home’ has been a huge thing for me, the only down side is due to my Disabilities, like you, like anyone, our home can become a comfort zone we don’t want to escape. Recently I restarted singing lessons to start a Chester Bennington Tribute act and it’s on hold for a few months due to circumstances, but I can’t wait to get back to the freedom of Music. Look down the right hand side of this page, songs and images. Music saves us, it unites our souls where we can co-exist on ANY LEVEL. With UTTER RESPECT Politics, Politicians, Religion, Sport and the WORST CULPRIT! Money, that divides us. We do need money, but if all we are doing is chasing Money and the NEED to consume with money, all we are doing is buying moments of happiness. Trust me, I am an expert at this 😀 For now that is it. I am no harm, how can I be with two little Girls who call me Daddy around me? How can I be anything other than my Daughters best friend, because I am, we are pals, we laugh, we cry, we sing. They are my first reason. Two little fun girls who don’t know they saved me, and might never know. Again, and I say this on Facebook a lot, why don’t we listen to our Kids more. Even if you don’t have kids, go and spend time with the blank canvas that a child can be, an innocence so amazing it can only be loving fun.

Some leave clues to sadness and pain, if we look and listen, we can be helped

Often in life our very saving Grace can be right in-front of us. All we need to do is listen, and we can be helped. Not saved or cured, just helped. That is my story, I don’t want notoriety or hits, nor do I need to be liked by anyone, I am loved and liked by people already, but do feel free to become a friend, I find it hard to let people in, but so do you maybe? Trust must be earned. So I am reaching out, if you want to reach back, I am here. Be kind to others, and please remember to include yourself friends, be kind to you too x

Chester Bennington – One More light
Via:

Linkin Park on You Tube

MORE LOVE, LESS HATE

blogger-for-peace-van-2

BLOGGERS FOR PEACE AND SANITY

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

Shaun Gibson Twitter: @ShaunyScot
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Shaun Celtic FC Twitter: @ShaunyCeltic

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS - THIS REPRESENTS 'BETTER' FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS – THIS REPRESENTS ‘BETTER’ FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

The Broken Family Unit – It’s a Global Selfish Uncaring World!! God is Money!

Lately as I wake up to an uncaring World torn between what they desire and what they think they want, and also the lust for Money everywhere is very hurtful to stand back and watch. I remember when I was a child in the 1980’s, Family was close, if one fell, we all fell, then helped each other back up. Today the ‘Family Unit’ is broken and all I can see is Money and Ego getting in the way. My Father is in his early 70’s and lives on a small Island somewhere; he has Dementia and NOBODY CARES, NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT HIM. It seems I am the ONLY person who keeps in touch with my Father, he has NOBODY really, he is alone with his thoughts and I have no idea being 700 miles away and unable to travel to him for ‘Many’ reasons, how bad things are for him, and everyone else is just caring about the people they stayed close too, like siblings, MY OWN, who turned away to the other side of whatever family. Jesus, the more I think about it, can I blame them? Pause for thought Shaun!

Me and my Nana in 1973

I remember when my Dads Mother, my Nana passed away, she died alone and unhappy. Often I think back to her, the top of my Family Tree and cry. I cry because ‘SOMETHING’ made people walk away from her, in the end she died alone and thinking nobody cared. I took ALL the blame because I was a bad kid, but I still tried, as I did along with one Aunt who sadly passed too were the ONLY PEOPLE to try. I visited most nights to make sure my Nana was in bed ok, the gas was turned off and she was safe. This was back in the 1990’s. I remember the wake after the funeral, the guilt I felt was self inflicted. My Aunt who has sadly passed away was there and came to me. She gave me a hug and said “Penny for your thoughts” I then told her what was on my mind, my Aunt cried a little and said words that helped, and I will never forget her for that and many reasons.

Edinburgh, Scotland – My Home

20 years on and my Family on BOTH SIDES is broken, I don’t see my own Sons any-more as ‘THEY DON’T WANT TO GET INVOLVED’ But involved in what? Life? Family? Love? Yeah it’s a confusing emotion. My own Mother is in a bad place and it’s SO HARD as I have NO IDEA how bad things are for her, not a clue, nobody speaks, nobody seems to give 2 fucks any more. It’s all ‘Me, Me, Me’ wherever I go, the IRONY of it all is wherever I go it’s all about ‘SHAUN’, and this is from people I have never seen in 20 years or seen in the passing a few times over the time we had two sons I am so proud off along with their Mother and now 2 little girls that literally keep me alive. But looking back I look back and smile, Edinburgh is my home, I want to leave the mess behind, but Edinburgh taught me all I know. Life just happens but Family from Childhood all moved away from Edinburgh, often I ask myself “IS EDINBURGH SO BAD” I don’t think so, it’s a beautiful place

[MUSIC VIDEO] The Lake Poets ‘EDINBURGH’
Via: The Lake Poets on YouTube

Memories

I see a World so uncaring, so Money oriented, so scared of ‘EMOTION’ it hurts, afraid to ‘Talk deeply’ even one time and move away from it. I have never left my Childhood in the sense I am still living my life around the same people and same area of Edinburgh, Scotland. But the Family unit IS BROKEN wherever I look, anywhere I look, most if not all families just DON’T CARE, and the ones who do care are selective on WHAT SIDE OF FAMILY THEY CARE FOR, sadly many chase the money and side-step people who are ill. It’s horrible to watch. Again I am ‘Irony’ I know it! But like many I get blamed always, so I may as well be irony and just take blame right?

I have two little girls here aged 8 and 7 years old; they are starting to take note of NO FAMILY. They don’t know why, I MUST take some blame as I do have a car but LIFE JUST SAYS I CAN’T DRIVE SOMETIMES. My partner does her VERY BEST to show my Girls life, but it’s ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE to sit with Family in all directions be them blood or not these days. People just hate, fear and loath over money or emotions life somehow forgot to teach a generation of people. Where did we go wrong globally, can you see it, do you even care? I know I do, but it’s like trying to fart against a storm to stop if. Yeah Scottish humor right there, got to keep smiling yeah?

What happened to us?

What happened to us all? What happened to you? What happened to me? What happened to us? Will you read this and ACCEPT BLAME? Because these days all I get from these kinds of people is ‘IT’S NOT MY FAULT’, YEAH! People just TAKE THE BLAME. I am a Grandfather in name only; I don’t see my Grandchildren and I am at the stage of giving up on EVERYONE. HOW FUCKING SAD IS THAT? And THEY will read this and just accept and not try to make up. I get it, sadly I understanding it. The worst decision I ever made was to wake up to this World, it’s IN DIRE TROUBLE

Right now if I could I would sell up, get a passport and take my Girls to Australia where I have some family who still ACTUALLY CARE. Recently I had 2 Cousins who flew from Australia to Scotland to spread ashes for a parent they lost and ONLY around 12 people or so showed up from the Scottish side of my Dads side of the Family, a family that is FUCKED. I am irony because I was not there myself, but I respected them by not going as certain people just want to get drunk and cause FIGHTS because they think ‘Being a Tough Person’ suits their style. I was one from 20 people who stayed away TO RESPECT my Australian family, I am not alone, about 10% of the Family turned up for them, Australia to Scotland and THIS!

[NOW HEAR ME OUT FFS] I was on HEROIN Levels of Drugs till a year or so ago till a voice in my head said “Tell the Dr you want out” and my Dr was amazing and changed medication allowing me to wake up JUST ENOUGH to see two little girls beside me, but also others who just ARE NOT INTERESTED in anyone bar themselves, I respect private people, I must respect hate, anger and fear in others because like you, do we have a choice? My pain is no worse nor no less than yours, my issues one and the same as you who read this. Put aside health and money for a moment and I see it, my friends see it, Family I do speak to feel like I do. It’s hurtful and awful.

I can almost remember this, I was always youngest

But Family members of mine will read this and see HATE, ANGER OR FEAR. The 3 emotions one of my Parents pressed me HARD to lose from my mind over many years. Always one of my parents was telling me “Shaun, hate anger and fear will drag you to the grave”!! So I listened and now all I do is hurt. I woke up to a level of dysfunction so badly I just want to smother the pain in drugs and say ‘Not interested’, this morning I TRIED TO REACH OUT TO A BROTHER AND A SISTER due to a worry I have for one of my Parents and I got NOTHING BUT ‘SHIT THROWN BACK IN MY FACE”, same old bullshit like “Aww Shaun!! People get old and it’s JUST LIFE” << WHAT ON EARTH HAS HAPPENED TO US ALL? I am close enough with many people still who hurt people with lack of caring people and it’s so hard to see. I have my life partner here HURTING daily because of lack of love from her OWN! You can’t deny this if you read, BUT YOU HAVE CHOICE TO FIX IT, and we are here should you decide to ‘GET INVOVLED’ in love of Family

I see 1 option for my Daughters, and it’s a new life, new ways, somewhere where people care. My only doubt and question is “DOES IT EXIST?” I fear it does not. But as long as I have air in my lungs and a mind to try hard, I will protect my Daughter from Hate, Anger and Fear like many friends and family and I who have young kids agree on “WE WILL NOT ALLOW OUR KIDS TO GROW UP AND BECOME SELFISH AND UNCARING PEOPLE” And I refuse to do this with my Daughters, AT ANY COST! Even if it hurts me to walk away totally.

I wish I felt the emotion to this picture….1975 I think

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THIS WORLD? I remember a Family so close on all sides, then I seen Drink and Drugs, abuse, hatred and more and people just slowly did what I IRONICALLY AM SAYING HERE…They just walked away! The old saying of “If you can’t beat them, join them” seems my only option for my Daughters. This rant, as it will be called a rant! if anything, it’s just a confused question of ‘HOW AND WHY’ can I help two little girls see love and happiness? I will do my best to search for answers for MY 2 DAUGHTERS!!! I must therefore be like the rest and turn around, walk away and say “I love you, but I must look after my own”

THE IRONY OF IT ALL IS KILLING ME! I am fucking BADLY disabled, my body lives in pain and my mind is FUCKED. Yet I feel I am the only person looking at our kids, all our kids, globally and thinking “HOW CAN I MAKE IT BETTER” – But then I pause, reflect, and KNOW there are people like me who want to mend the ‘Broken Family Unit’. How we sit back and allow each other to hurt and die alone, how we allow our minds to be turned by actions of perversion be them literal or fiscal is beyond my thoughts.

….I am lost, but I must find a way for 2 little girls. AT ANY AND ALL COST. No longer will I allow myself to be #Anger #Fear or #Hate, I purged my soul of these 3 deadly emotions. Sadly most people I see have not, most have 1 or 2 or all 3 emotions of Anger, fear and hate. Why?

It was ACTUALLY fun before….. lol – That is me crying North-West Scotland as my Sibling laughs 😀 Good times!!

Whoever reads this, and I only get about 300/500 reads per day these days [NOT THAT NUMBERS MATTER, I would rather 50 REAL people read it than 1,000 uncaring people read this, I am asking why has our World walked away from itself and to what? Money the illusion of happiness through the illusion of money?  But then I know people reading this will just point the finger back at me and my kind, and allow the circle of #Anger #Hate and #Fear to be in their very minds and souls, and transmit it to their own. So I MUST protect my girls from these emotions, so they grow to be free from these emotions. IF IT’S MY LAST ACT AS A HUMAN, THEN SO BE IT, I ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE WITH LOVE AND A SMILE.

 

When in Rome……..You know the rest surely! We give up on each other too easily. Why?

#Peace

I miss them all…All I knew!

MORE LOVE, LESS HATE

blogger-for-peace-van-2

BLOGGERS FOR PEACE AND SANITY

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

Shaun Gibson Twitter: @ShaunyScot
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Shaun Celtic FC Twitter: @ShaunyCeltic

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS - THIS REPRESENTS 'BETTER' FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS – THIS REPRESENTS ‘BETTER’ FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

 

 

Living in pain with a brain illness – I am starting to understand things and people

7d8e410624cc96efade256b0d5aaf563I removed my stupid self from Facebook and a lot of other things in the last week, but I had good reason. Just now a family member is being annoyed by some idiot next door, pissing on my family members door mat, tapping the door then running away, threatening them, basically being a coward. I wanted to go to this person’s door and just have it dealt with, but family thought it WISE to call the police, and that is not how I deal with a ‘LIBERTY TAKER’ Someone who will do things to try and alter the mind of another to any given emotion. I think these ‘Liberty takers’ are cowards, real men just say to face or just jog on, that is all I know, so the restraint needed to not just go to this person’s door and finish this is very difficult for me, but over the last week in holding back seeing a family member suffer at the hands of a Coward it made me see something in myself, through my 4 disabilities

I am a person who can sleep like a happy baby with ANY emotion in my mind, I have the ability to sleep after someone says “I am going to kill you” or whatever crap people say. See real people just kill you, cowards give you the time and date so I just say “OK, we will be out, thanks for the heads up arsehole” 😀

d1660f22dbf09af7823b7ddcf50088eaThis new drug I am on MST Continus is a bit strong, but it is taken morning and night and is slow release, it differs from my old medication I was on in the way it doesn’t give you one big hit of pain relief at once, no, this just slowly enters your mind and body and you feel it, I can feel it in my mind. Strange thing the mind, I always want to be in full control of my mind, I never allow any person to enter my mind and try and own it, never going to happen. People have tried to play childish games with me in the past and always I slept well and didn’t give them thought. For me as a disabled guy living in agony and a mind that is hard to keep in check as it can be confusing with Fibromyalgia and M.E/CFS. Because I am in the Gym hitting leather and PVC every day I am needing flesh to hit, and the person annoying my family member was a target for my mind for a day or 2, but I managed to get rid of the idea of tying the prick to a chair and keeping him alive. I don’t mean that, it’s just a thought. I don’t play well with cowards, I tend to just deal with them and move on, I refuse to allow another to own my mind. But as I am off 5 different medications and now on 2 new ones I am trying to find my centre again, trying to re-establish where I am and what is around me. Always as a young kid my Dad would say to me “Know who is around you son, in-front, behind and at each side” and as a kid I never really got it, but I do now, I taught my own son’s this and I think they may struggle to understand it 😀 Life is very, VERY easy, and I prefer to live with a quiet mind, I own my thought and nobody can ever take that from me. They can mock, hit, play, do what they will, but not one person can control or own my mind, and that is what I am learning again. The man I used to be would just go and finish the story, get it over with and just go home as if nothing happened. Today I have two wee girls to help grow up, so I needed to grow up. This is why I came off Dr’s Heroin and am killing myself in the Gym every day. My mind, my entire being is for my family, I come 2nd because I can control my World, but I am noticing others can’t. It is what it is right?

11416159_10207009625624143_6777975463268398855_nBe good World, life can hit us from any side, in-front, behind or either side at any moment and we are left regretting we didn’t look to see what was around us. Don’t be paranoid with this, just understand EVERYTHING and EVERYONE around you, then you own your World. People say “But I can’t change the World” I say back “So go and change your own World” If we all did this, our World would be a better place I believe. Also, denying what and who we are, becoming something else or different because life said so can make us all very ill and unwell. I think we must always be ourselves and never deny who we are. Trust me, I seen it, made it, cleaned it, made the mess, you name it I done it, and got the preverbial T-Shirt to say so. Be yourself, don’t be someone else. Or life will hit you like a ton of bricks because you were not looking at what is around you, your mind was in a state of NOWHERE. Know who, what, whoever, whatever is around you, and the bricks miss you

More love, less hate

Holly Johnson Love Train
Via: PetersPopShow on You Tube

Shauny

ShaunyNews Twitter: @ShaunyNews
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Glasgow Celtic Chat : https://glasgowcelticchat.com
ShaunyCeltic: @ShaunyCeltic

A Song To My Family

 

tumblr_np29wv3x391ryy5rdo1_500

“Shaun you really don’t care what you say or write” is what I hear often from people, even family. It was my choice to be where I am, it was my choice to live this life as you live yours. Don’t think either of us did wrong, all it was, was life. We become and that is all it is. I can’t connect with some people and others I connect with easy, you saying you find things different? I don’t hate anyone but I do miss many of you. I think back 20/30 years ago and remember we were not ruined by disfunction and issues we played no part in. Some events happened by selfish people and it tore us to bits. Do I hate them? No, I just wish they would try to admit then fix the problems they causes, because make no mistake they made bad decisions. I get so much grief from family but in reality the only things these family see of or from me are on this page. So who am I hurting? The answer is nobody, you decide and define and many are left in the middle. Today I don’t care really but a small part of me wished several events didn’t cause what it did. I am happy and I pray you are too.. And a few friends may be added here. Non medicated and stronger minded Shaun is waking up to the truth, but I have my life my love and all I need right here. So I will live it. Just leave me be, I want no part in your hate any more, I am not above you or below you, but don’t think I have forgotten the actions of many of you for what you did to many of us who you left hurting. I said it, now you can go and hate again and I won’t know because you are cowards. If you think this is aimed at you, it is. If you KNOW this isn’t aimed at you, I love you all the same. Where did life take us? Where did it go oh so wrong?

Wiz Khalifa (feat. Charlie Puth) – See You Again | LYRICS
Via Ibro Brulic on You Tube

MORE LOVE, LESS HATE

We all took our own paths

We all took our own paths

~~~~

ShaunyGibson Twitter: @ShaunyGibson
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ShaunyNews1/

Stopping My Medication Progress – Family Walk Away From Our Ill’s

p01n87fj

We lose control of our minds often

Strange as it is, my brother from another Mother wrote exactly as I did at the same time here http://justusowls.com/2015/10/29/attention/ < 😀 #WOW! That is from my friend Eddie Tatro, an American Archbishop. I hate writing these blogs, reason I don’t do many but they allow me to look back in time and see where I was a week ago, month ago or a year ago, this helps me and even better it helps my old Dr who is a pain Dr and it helps others who have chronic illness, I am a guy who needs to help, I can’t hate or be selfish. September 7th was my last progress report HERE and I am almost off the worst Medication today. Morphine is an evil drug as it speaks and acts for you and you have no idea what you have done, like I say below, Family walked away from an ill Son/Brother/Cousin/Nephew/Friend/Whatever, but I don’t blame them, today I would ask them to understand the illness and medication were your enemy, not me, I suffered like you and I am aware people are worse off than me and also, sadly, people hold grudges for life often, not something I will do, I can’t, I don’t know how to hate or leave a loved one hanging. For many years, just in moments the medication acted and spoke for me. I am now able to help others in my group called Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Issues <Click) Anyone living the hell I once was is free to join my group where we are all trying to stand back up again, because of my journey I am now able to help others who are down and can’t get up. Keep in mind, to be pain is to know and understand a pain that exists in all our moments, tricking the brain can only be done so far, the rest you need a good loving partner and family and friends who seen me struggling and helped me stand up, I didn’t thank them, I would do the same for them, for me that is what family and friends do, we help each other stand back up.

UB40 – All I Want to Do (Lyric Video)
These lyrics pretty much sum up what I say here

It taught me hate but it taught me not to hate back, also it taught me to smile when hate was around or calling on me. Also, NOT 1 PERSON DIED IN THE CREATION OF THIS OR ANY BLOGS I DID, NOR DID ANYONE DIE FROM TEXTS OR EMAILS I SENT. But people did die and I am the bad guy? That one confuses a lot of my friends more than it does me, but please, no hate, just examples of human expression and how technology can bring us together or tear us apart, the written word is a mystery to the untrained eye who has not spoken to the voice of the font they read. Many I have not spoken to for a decade and more, yet they have me all sussed out and named me as what they will. This is life, happens to us all. Irony is the very same people who throw hate are hated themselves, but hate is choice, I choose not to hate, I choose to neglect hate, not feed it and ignore itsteve-jobs-quotes-1024x658 Because of my experiences with the Medication, family and friends I am now remembering what these vile Drugs were doing to not just me but people globally as you will see in the group from other people, there are 400 people all saying the same damn thing “Family walked away from me” So this was helpful to me in bad moments, I understood love more and today I am happy and the people in my life, people I visit, speak too, whoever and whatever are through my choice, losing sleep isn’t something I do over harsh words spoken behind me, people read font and take it badly but what I notice and learn is, with some I can only exist with them in the spoken word, font loses people. Of course people need to take Medication to live, for all my friends and people I met on my journey who stayed around and were decent, knowing I was a friend or family member just trying to stand up, I don’t need to thank you, again, we should expect loved ones to understand, sadly and if you read my Blogs on our World I am insignificant and so are you. Now my mind is clearer still I notice a few family members, and I can’t blame them, have walked away from me. Yet at the back of my mind I am thinking “If they had Cancer, would people walk away from them?” Because that is how it feels today. No hate 😀 The illness and medication actually has put me in a great place today as all the wrongs from yesterday make us happy today, if this is so then all the hurt was worth it and we should move on, I am, are you? I am trying my best to reach these few Family members I want in my life again and I will keep trying till we can all smile together again, sadly as you know if you read my blog, dysfunction, anger and hatred are stubborn words with human effects. Today all I can say to anyone I chased away is “Sorry” But please know I was and still am very ill and was very medicated, big deal! I just hate what moments have done to my family, people think they are oh so perfect, yet if you point me to a perfect person I point back and say ‘Liar’hqdefaultI don’t want sympathy, I just want a few members of family back, understanding, let it be said once then move on and live and have fun is my idea here. I was a bad lad when I was in my early 20’s, people I have not seen for 20 years still think I am that guy, so the different between me being a young criminal to an ill person highly medicated is the same, MUD STICKS and people who don’t see the human side to our suffering walk away, gossip and talk behind you. All I ask is if you can, pick up the phone or get out my life, a life I am smiling through these days with the help of my 2 wee girls who are 5 and 6 years old, 2 little barrels of joy that are helping me step back to MY reality and my choosing of whom is in my life, they have no idea how much they help me my kids, one day when I am an old man I might tell them. For Brothers and Sisters, to parents and uncles, cousins and all in-between, talk or walk, I lose no energy over hate. I say at the foot of most blogs “More love, less hate” And I do mean it. Often these days I am wondering if the illness has did this or has the World changed so much? I asked the question in the blog below.

I did this blog a week ago today: Today’s Disfunctional Family Unit <Click)

dfamily1

The Hallucinations I was having over the last few months were fairly bad, looking up from your bed in agony as your body demands the poison and Blog 1seeing your sadly passed away Gran in-front of you is not pleasant let me assure you, am I red faced because of the things I said? Yes, do I lose sleep? No because I was not in control. I know many people with the same issues as me, and we always have fun and laugh, we NEVER talk about life in a bad way. I was told this morning, not in a bad way, but gently that I sent emails or texts a few years back to half my family, I have no idea I did this, I have no recollection of this event. I guess today with a clear mind and better moments and better today’s I am maybe, not angry at some people, I can’t find the right word for it. But I go back to what I said above “Would we walk away from a family member or friend with Cancer” Who were struggling? Hell no, sadly through life’s process’s my illness made me do things I had no idea I was doing. To say I am 100% clear would be a lie because I had a misunderstanding with a guy I love to bits last week, I was in bed screaming trying to hide life from my two little princess’s and it was a BAD MOMENT a moment I learnt that when I am in, I turn off the internet and hide my tablet and phone. We spoke and love was said. Down the right hand side of my blog is “Deliberate Donkey” <Click) I am the kid in the boat, I wrote that medicated but with the full knowledge of certain people I did ask before I wrote it, 1 person forgot, but it’s ok, events break us and events make us. An old wise guy I know and spoke to earlier today says to me a lot “I cry for Humanity” For many years I didn’t give it thought, as I grow old and because 80% of my blogs are about our World I understand the wise man’s words today. I learn every day, but if people don’t want me in their life then who loses? I have all I need right here, I am happy now in my Bubble. When we place ourselves in a private bubble, turn to love <Click) I actually wrote about this blog on March 13th 2013CHc0mFvWsAE5V5R

My partner reminds me of this

My partner reminds me of this “People listen to you Shaun” She tells me

See, because I write in moments like this about life I can go back and re-read how I was in other moments like here and know I am either recovering or regressing, either way what I have is for life but in a non-morbid way of thinking, we are all dying slowly right? Sadly Millions die slower, often over a lifetime, for these people I must share this, if you are not ill and don’t get this blog, please don’t reply and simply choose to walk away from it, we have choice in this life, I choose to be as open as I can with my life on here, in reality I share 10% of my life to the World, it just seems more. I am aware I did bad things and I am aware some bad things I did can never be forgotten so all I can do is try and make up for them. My partner reminds me always “Shaun, you were winning once and you can win again” She is my rock, my logic, my thoughts, my best friend and lover and she shows me things to prove her point so I wills share my partners meaning with you so you understand how gentle she is with me when I am not in a good way

I WON BEFORE! I am bottom left, my 2nd in commands hand on my shoulder

I WON BEFORE! I am bottom left, my 2nd in commands hand on my shoulder

Dr Alastair Dobbin: Dr Sheila Ross, PhD

Dr Alastair Dobbin: Dr Sheila Ross, PhD

This here I am writing 1st for myself also so I can let my Dr and ill friends or people who are on the ground read it, my old Dr gets useful information from it as it’s his job as a pain specialist to help others. We used to go to the big conference rooms in the Astley Ainslie Hospital with Dr Alastair Dobbin in Edinburgh and I would do Question and Answer sessions about how my pain came, how it destroyed me then made me again to 100 to 300 people at a time, this is his site and I am on it in Video if you look The Foundation for positive mental health

life-quoteThis is brilliant information for people who recently have been told they may die or will spend the rest of their lives in pain. What I have will kill me if I let it so it’s all about being honest with myself, writing freely and not caring who I offend or who is upset over internet font. The internet did 2 things to this World in my eyes, first it brought the World together in a great way, I speak to people from the USA to Australia and all in-between, the downside to technology like this is people read things wrong and the meaning is lost and hate happens, when in-fact all people can do is pick up a phone and ask “What did that mean?” But some still sit all angry and sad about things we write and share. This is my 2,570th blog today on ShaunyNews, I have done less than 100 blogs on this very subject. Often it seems to me I do it more, so I have to keep in mind I may have hurt people I love. But I ask again “Would we walk away from a family member we love who had Cancer?” Because it’s the same damn thing, it’s just different. People say “I don’t believe him/her” or “He/she is making it up” even “He/she is feeling sorry for himself” Well that is a fair comment against all of us who are an invisible disability, but stop for a second and ask why they say this. Yeah, we turn the coin around and we understand hate more. I am an expressive lad, tons of my family and friends love me for it but a FEW don’t. When I say a few, it may be more, but the FEW are the ones I would love to get a phone call from. AGAIN, NOBODY WAS HARMED, HURT, KILLED OR EVEN OFFENDED BY ANY OF THIS. People today are so selfish and wrapped up in their own pathetic lives they forget and in the end we see people sit at funerals crying tears of regret or “I should have said more” or “I could have helped more” In the end I call these tears guilt. If you read hatred from me today whilst reading you are the hatred, you are hate not me. I lost the ability to hate when life gave me things to love, when life made me understand the difference between a fool and a good person. I am 42 years old and I honestly feel like I was 18 years old yesterday and I woke up and am now an older guy 😀 It’s a very strange thing, I talked it with my Dr the other day and the Dr simply said “With the medication you were on, you had no control” This gave me a smile and a reason to try and re-connect to life, family and friends. But do be sure like you, I make decisions on who is in my life, as always it’s a 2 way street and today’s hating World makes it harder for us to understand each other, especially when we only read each other on Social Media I now call home instead of listening to a voice. An older relative and I found this out together only last week. I am reconnecting slowly with family and friends and soon I will have a surprise for myself, if others are surprised then so be it, for me, what is to come, I CAN’T WAIT!! x

Like you, I am just trying to live and fighting to live

Like you, I am just trying to live and fighting to live

More love, less hate

This is my blog banner, look down the right hand side of this blog, all blogs. Am I a hater?

This is my blog banner, look down the right hand side of this blog, all blogs. Am I a hater?

Shauny 

ShaunyNews Twitter: @ShaunyNews
ShaunyNews Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/groups/shaunynews/
Skype: shaunyg1973
Chronic Illness Support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ChronicIllSupport/
Ace News Chat: http://www.acechatnews.wordpress.com
Ace News Scotland: http://standupscotland.wordpress.com
Ace News Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/groups/acenewsservices/
ShaunyNews Daily Online Paper: http://paper.li/ShaunyNews/DailyPaper
ShaunyNews Scriggler: https://scriggler.com/Profile/shaun_gibson#
ShaunyNews Tumblr: http://shaunnews.tumblr.com/
SNP Official: http://snp.org/

Today’s Disfunctional Family Unit

dfamily1

THIS WILL OPEN A BOX AGAINST THE NSA, PLEASE JUST CLOSE IT, IT’S A WORDPRESS THING. OK! Nobody freak out or hate me here 😀 This is my observations as a blogger, eyes open and as a 42 year old guy coming off strong Dr’s medication after 15 years and noticing the disfunction all around me, family and friends and I will wake up more for sure. At first I thought “Must just be my Family” then I thought “Must be a Scottish thing” So I went on a research binge and seen this is a Global thing. Sure some families do talk, but sadly the majority don’t. Religion for all it’s wrong’s can keep a family talking and functional, this is the only good purpose for Religion I have seen on my hunt for the 2015 answer to what I though was only my problem. Today people talk and say nothing, they walk and end up nowhere. We are almost robots 

Religious does this, not a bad thing

Religious does this, not a bad thing

Something happened to this World that allowed distrust and hatred to be seen in all our lives be it small and almost, just annoying to full on hatred within the family circle. I got a text from a family member over something I wrote about another person in my family, in-fact my whole family, no names and 30 year old images, and it was RAW HATRED. I am the kid in the link below “Beating and Drugs…” I still love this person to bits but they had forgotten that I actually had already spoke to ALL people in whatever the issue was about 2 years ago. I was going to write a book and have it half serious half fiction and this is a part of it here, and it has sat at the bottom of my blog for about a year now, below on the right you will see a Donkey, this is what I wrote in a friend Kim’s site:

t80qwmBEATINGS, DRUGS AND MORE THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD < That is my story I told 2 years ago, in a bad way, pain and HEAVILY medicated. Now I have my story so I share it on my page, you the reader are more than welcome to share your opinion here, or my ShaunyNews Facebook group or any other Social Media or even in private. Again, this is true to a point what I wrote. To be honest my Childhood is so cloudy and the medication I was on because of the Disability and M.E I have made me be unable to be truthful to the point I probably would like to have been. I wasn’t the only person in my family to suffer, many suffered, and we don’t talk, I try my best to say “Please, speak to me, I don’t hate you” But people all around the World are to damn unhappy to say “ok, maybe I was wrong” Because I am wrong DAILY and I put my hands in the air and say sorry!

images

I then started Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Issues and it gave me and many others an outlet to talk openly or in private about depression, pain, anything Chronic. It’s a VERY small group and I want to keep it small for people who may be in a bad place to come to and get talked back to. I write to the World, not just Scotland so there are eyes on that page for any person in the World who has issues they are struggling with in a moment like we all do in all our lives.

pain-chain-5-728My Dad always told me “You are the one who always tries to get the Family together” But he knows, sadly why I gave up. I was lucky in the fact I was loved as a kid, I had amazing parents and today they both are helping me get off these pills. My Mum more as she lives not far away, as my Dad lives on an Island somewhere and both are happy with their partners. In my family, same as your family, an event happened, in-fact a few events happened, some brought us close, others split us up, one day a moment will come and bring us back together. I hope this for you too…

Always I say music helps me, just me personally, it changes brain patters and lessens the pain. We all have this outlet from our realities. I am in an amazing life now, people ask me how I can speak like that while being in pain 24/7 but I have my partner and 4 kids to live for. My 2 little princess are my reason for writing this and for trying to smile through a pain they say is worse than Aids, Cancer and other deathly diseases. I must admit I wasn’t too happy to be told this, not something I wanted or needed to know, now I have been told this I often wonder if the placebo effect has taken me 😀 We all have songs for different moods, today as I write this to the World and Scotland and my family, 1 song stands out like a sore thumb, I hope you have a song or an outlet. This song is not your usual Eminem song but today as I sit here happy writing this song makes sense to me. Banner 1 resizePlease find a reason for you to smile again, whoever this is aimed at, just know I can’t and won’t hate anyone, I find it impossible to give my two Daughters a row or raise my voice at them, strange thing for sure. So today with 2 older sons it is almost my partner and I again with 2 young kids as 1 son moved out and another is close to moving out, but this is all good, real good, it means my partner and I did a good job with our sons, they are happy and in love and as a parent this is all we look to do, so here are my partner and I again, with the wisdom of bringing up 2 kids again, only this time we have experience, my partner and I have not brought up little girls before and are still learning to be parents to 2 sons who have their own lives. We all learn, we all adapt, but all I ask is stop the hate and try. I will finish by saying I have been at many a funeral and seen tears of guilt, why we do this to ourselves as a species is beyond me. So do and say today what you would to a person in a way you would saying goodbye for ever. No regrets right? My blog page has EXPLODED and I have over 1.3 Million readers or hits in around a year, this is my new blog, it really is crazy, I am just some dumb Scottish guy

Untitled

More love, less hate..

Eminem – Mockingbird
Via: EminemVEVO on You Tube

Shauny

Twitter: @ShaunyNews
ShaunyNews Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Shaunynews/
My Chronic pain group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/699321140156812/
Ace News Chat: https://acechatnews.wordpress.com/
Ace Scotland & Independence News: https://standupscotland.wordpress.com/
Ace News Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/acenewsservices/
The Celtic Network : http://thecelticnetwork.com/
ShaunyNews Paper: https://paper.li/ShaunyNews/1428021484

Coming off the heavy medication -Progress report – For me and you

13148123-a-spoonful-of-pills

I write these mainly for other people like me and so I can look back in a few months and see the progress. I have already done a few ‘Coming off Medication’ blogs. I just read over them and it is good to see I have made more progress since. It is nearing 5am, I slept for 36 hours straight over the weekend, woke on Sunday tea time, everyone had went to the botanic gardens, so I woke confused with my last memory me picking Dawn and the girls up from my Son’s house. Lately I have had to almost become a recluse to my own life. I am on purpose trying not to be around too many people, so if you read this and wonder why you are not seeing much off me, know it’s all good but I don’t want to be with people at this stage of my progression to normality, whatever that is right 😀 Really define what a normal life is and I will show a lie. There is no ‘Right way to live’ There is only our way, this is what I am feeling as very slowly I come off the Morphine 1st and 12 tablets a day as I am just now. I was on 20mg of Morphine 4 x a day = 80mg, almost a full bottle a day to now 4ml A DAY! Every 2nd day, once I have 5ml with 6 tablets and not 12 as I was before, the side effects are awful, it makes you go to a strange place but slowly I am starting to feel more alive, having more fun. I ask the people I love to know I think of them and to please give me time to come back, to fight this. I can’t fight you while I fight this, but when my fight is even with myself, I help you fight your fight, always I am behind you, know this x

Fighting this is hard

Fighting this is hard

Don’t get me wrong there is not 1 day since I wanted to come off Morphine and reduce tablet in-take where I have not been in utter agony but it’s strange, I now know why I am in pain, where the pain comes from and what I am doing just now is giving myself a fighting chance. I stopped smoking, I stopped drinking fizzy juice, I am eating better and have lost a few pounds, so this gives me a fighting chance, soon I will be doing less of the bad stuff and more that helps me. The hardest part is not seeing people. Really it kills me, but I know when I am ready to meet certain people again I am lucid and in control of the conversation. Will be strange, a normal 42 year old Shaun, LOL. In reality that is the deal here, I am stepping back into life, football and will be ready to take the world on again, I can’t wait for that day to come. But for now I must stick to the deal with my Dr and Dawn and get through this, these are the hardest times I guess, my body is screaming for more medication, the temptation to take them is high so the battle not to take is a battle I am winning, and winning well.

Setting goals is very important

Setting goals is very important

For now, I hope everyone is ok, if you read this and are family know I love you, and please be ready to accept a fool of a man back into your life that will make you laugh as I once did before. It’s been a very hard 10 years or so for Dawn and I but the last 3 months our friendship then love have kept us good and well. I can’t thank the woman enough, but I need not thank her, when you make a promise in love it’s to ‘Love that person in sickness and in health’ It would have been easy for 1 of us to walk but no! We had two little girls and they saved us. Looking back now more aware and awake I see it more and I smile. I have people around me who get me, help me and understand me and as my own self comes back the odd day here and there when I am too much. People in shops when I am being goofy ask Dawn “How do you live with him” Because I am making the whole shop laugh…..

Getting a REAL sense of humor back is fun

Getting a REAL sense of humor back is fun

…..Now that is a Shaun Dawn likes and I like too, and most important my 2 wee princess will see at an age when it’s all they will remember. They won’t remember the days I was screaming in bed or sitting crying because the pain was killing me. The battle is half won here, I will ease past the rest and it will be hell to the end, but I will do it with ease and people who want to see me better will see that. Again it’s more important my Partner, 2 sons and 2 daughters and my inner circle see a difference. I want to be closer with some and decided I didn’t want to be with others, all of it has been choice since day one. So, the fight carries on and soon the lights will be back on 😀 I can’t wait

It could be said..But who loses sleep? :D

It could be said..But who loses sleep? 😀

On my pain page, I update from time to time: Living with M.E.

January 2nd 2015 THE HUMAN MIND, FEELINGS, EMOTIONS AND CHRONIC PAIN ‘IF YOU HAVE THAT’

January 22nd 2015 Coming Off My Fibromyalgia Medication, enough is enough – Time to be braver

February 17th 2015 Will Blog, Won’t Blog, Will Blog, Won’t Blog – This poison needs out my system

July 7th 2015  #Decisions – Letter to ‘All Addicts’ – Drugs/Drink/Gambling & more

July 14th 12 week progress report – Me coming off Prescribed Drugs – The Battle

Winning the battle......

Winning the battle……

More love, less hate

Shauny 

ShaunyNews Twitter: @ShaunyNews
ShaunyNews Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/groups/shaunynews/
Skype: shaunyg1973
Chronic Illness Support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ChronicIllSupport/
Ace News Chat: http://www.acechatnews.wordpress.com
Ace News Scotland: http://standupscotland.wordpress.com
Ace News Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/groups/acenewsservices/
Daily Online Paper: http://paper.li/ShaunyNews/DailyPaper
SNP Official: http://snp.org/

[VLOG] Family, Life, Happy, Medication, Coping, Friendship & More

Best picture I could find, with the one below also.. lol

Best picture I could find, with the one below also.. lol

Video ‘Vlog here. Feedback on Video, Audio quality appreciated and of course the topic I talk about. Also I mention a small Facebook group I started for anyone with any illness, please feel free to join to just read and know you are not alone, link is below the video/vlog. And also a link to another ‘Vlog I done about ‘People 😀 I got a roasting for it from my partner and my mates 😀 I just don’t care so it’s better fun when they mock me, good conversation starter. If people watch, all the better, Enjoy I did

VIDEO/VLOG – ME SPEAKING VIDEO 😀

Support Group for Chronic Pain, Fibro, M.E or any other illness related: https://www.facebook.com/groups/699321140156812/

Vlog on ‘People: https://shaunynews.com/2015/08/16/vlog-audiovideo-blog-about-people/

10signs-arguments

The woman in pink 😀 HAHA

More Love, Less Hate

Shauny 🙂

ShaunyNews Twitter: @ShaunyNews
ShaunyNews Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/groups/shaunynews/
Shauny News Skype: shaunyg1973
Shauny’s Chronic Illness Support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ChronicIllSupport/
ShaunyNews Daily Online Paper: http://paper.li/ShaunyNews/DailyPaper
Ace News Chat: http://www.acechatnews.wordpress.com
Ace News Scotland: http://standupscotland.wordpress.com
Ace News Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/groups/acenewsservices/
SNP Official: http://snp.org/

12 week progress report – Me coming off Prescribed Drugs – The Battle

actors-who-went-to-insane-lengths-to-transform-their-image-for-movie-roles-14

My Page I pay for. My right to say the words I do. I aim to offend nobody nor tell people how to live

So week 12 for me, coming off prescribed drugs. I have my mind 100% these days but the pain is just a new level. The pain is sharper on me. The pain of M.E is not come and go pain, its 24/7 and very hard to ignore. I have this “Help Group for Chronic Illness’s” <Click) This group is a small group with just a few hundred people on it, but people who just ‘Help’ We all have a story, mine is no worse nor better than your pain, whoever you are reading this, pain is pain in all and any source of pain and its meaning.

Right now I am seeing sleep being the biggest visible impact on my day to day living. It was bad before when I had just #Fibro but now pain and coming off its poison of help that actually doesn’t help. Now there are ill people out there who just 100% need to take their prescription, my God don’t listen to me, always, and this is for anyone, see a Dr! With my kind of pain there is no tablet, well there is if you choose to live like a legal junkie and being ‘Judged 😀 By ‘People. See people do this. I am also people here, we just judge like we have a bigger moral compass than others. Facts are we are all the same; we have all done bad things and been in bad places, today we are awake to read my nonsense, so that’s a good start right?

image

For me it’s not about “OK I DID BAD THINGS OR ENDED UP IN A BAD PLACE”… Now I never actually blame myself for today, I had no say it its handling, I was taking for the pain, and I had choice when my body screamed, I would rather make it about living, just living same as you and how I can stand back up every day life pushes me over, I am pushing back, so it’s not what we were it’s who we will become.

19516e1cc11743180a5aaf45339e8d09

Today I have choice and I choose to be the Shaun a younger Dawn met all these years ago, the son a Mum can know to the brother a sibling can smile with to friends where we both lost each other. But more important a father to 4, and more so for my 2 little princess’s. They are amazing fun. Because my body and mind are trapped, mind not so trapped now, these two little girls make me laugh so hard and they help and don’t know it 😀 They are a GOD SEND. These things just happen when needed? To just be here when I as a person need to smile through pain, so this older Shaun I am now trying to be, more just being is good fun, Dawn and my kids help so much, so new Shaun is changing but wiser, more grown up but never losing my sense of humour, it’s good to be happy you know. lol

dont_worry_when_we_fight-4889

So that was it. For my partner my kids and others who I love, this is just me saying “Hey, this is where I am at and all is good” Even to others I know online or through all the Social media outlets, I reach a few thousand people every time I hit publish, maybe more. Check the top right! 1.3 Million People have joined me on an AMAZING journey just on this page in a year, it’s amazing. Every blog I did to this one I share in 16 places so its brilliant fun when I hurt to be able to write this, takes me 4 x longer than one of my Daughters in amount of words to do 😀 We pay for the internet so we should enjoy it right? 😀 I am not online as much today as many of you have said, I know, but for now I can only do what I can do. I stopped smoking also. Add no medication and no nicotine into the equation and it’s really hard.

I have this image on my wall, every day it tells me to get my sorry arse UP. And it's working

I have this image framed on my wall, every day it tells me to get my sorry arse UP.

So as I read back on blogs from a year ago, 6 months ago, last month and last week I see change. Looking back a year I was in such a bad way. Sad to read what I read to be fair, I do feel embarrassed but I had no control over my mind, so I am reading someone or something else when I read back the way.

ioizd0I will look back at this blog in months to come and with luck and effort I can still see a guy struggling to move forward. Today my mind is so open it’s untrue, I am cheering up, making Dawn laugh for sure and the girls are just too much sometimes. The questions they ask are brilliant. I could sit and debate a 5 or 6 year old kid for hours, the questions are like “Where does this come from” So the answering the question is the fun part when I hear “Daddy, know how…” or whatever is just superb fun. Being a parent is a not just being a parent it’s about being a friend. The list to the < left I just love. It is this and more these 2 wee girls need and helping them, while they help me is the best fun I have had in years, and each day my mind opens they do notice, but they don’t ask why. This is why I love their company 😀 I have adult friends and most adults I know I can put up with, then we ALL have family or friends we be like “OH GOD HERE WE GO” When we meet up, yeah I got that Family and friends also, I am no different to you 😀 Anyway I am bored now, I need to write some football and this is depressing me. So Shaun 1-0 Life is the score today. I will fight with all I have to keep the score that way. But I am in a battle for my life, this is not lost on either my partner and I. This is a fight for many things, I am lucky to have the support but thankful I can be that support back.

16627_20120603_104110_538186_467829509898780_111592842189117_99108392_1229150813_n

Life is just amazing fun, any day could be our last, so with no morbid thoughts in our mind just smile. Just have a laugh and have fun. When the bad comes we fight it. In the end life wins always right? So why do we fight it now? 😀 Life is so very, very simple and fun. I hope I helped 1 person to get there with all this, and I am guessing deep down a few maybe.  But I can only help because I have been helped before and still. Life is a 2 way street. Don’t become anger and sad. Become fun and laughter. We lose in the end right? So today we surround ourselves with whom we love and can laugh with. In the end, the truth is we all have one shot at this life. I choose life. Your choice will be your choice, I won’t judge you, so don’t you dare judge me. #RespectOurWorld And respect each other. 

UB40 Kingston Town 

Shaun 🙂

Twitter: @ShaunyNews
ShaunyNews: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Shaunynews/
My Chronic pain group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/699321140156812/
Scot2Scot: http://www.scot2.scot/
Scot2Scot Site for all areas:  http://www.scot2.scot/index.php/directory
Ace News Services: https://acebreakingnews.wordpress.com/
Ace News Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/acenewsservic
The Celtic Network: http://thecelticnetwork.com/
My Paper: https://paper.li/ShaunyNews/1428021484