Finally in the ‘Mental Health’ System – LONG, HARD, ROAD AHEAD – I SEE HOPE!

Living with severe pain and severe mental health issues. My first blog for a while here, and I didn’t really want to do it either, but as we reach out, others reach back. It started for me, the journey of pain and mental health about 15 years ago. I had issues from Childhood that haunted me when I was signed off from being allowed to Work all these years ago. The cycle of pain and mental health is a tricky one. The medications I am now on are less, but better and just as powerful. Today I am TRYING to start being a sit-down DJ again through the Stafford Center below and also singing lessons to FINALLY TRY and sit on a stage and create moment of ‘Music’. Always I have this view that Sport, Politics, Religion, and the worse one, MONEY just divide us all, well most of us. For me, just me, Music is my God, it speaks to me, and it listens back. I need a stage, I need to be part of something for myself. I spent too long doing things for others. I lost most of my Family because of these issues, but Family who mock, don’t understand, make things worse, are they worth having? For me no, but we all have our own ways. What I do know is, when we get ill in ANY way and it effects us badly, people walk away. FAMILY say things like “I am not getting involved”, but who am I to talk, I walked away from the emotion of HATE I had and still do have. Family just unable to hear us speak and just say ‘Nice one’ then change the subject. I am fighting for myself this time. I have lost, BUT SO HAVE YOU. We ALL have a something, we all have things holding us back, making us dread moving forward. We all lose, we all hurt, we are all just human. We live in a selfish money chasing brainwashed World. So I am doing this for me, but I have two little Girls here, my Daughters. All I am trying to do is make sure they are like their brothers, I hope they grow up and find HAPPY, without money, hate, anger, struggle. And understand who they want in their lives as they grow. They are only 7 and 8 years old, but my Job is to gently and over time tell them ‘It is your life, you make the choices, and to NEVER allow another to dictate to them in any way possible’, it really is that simple. Like you I am surrounded by people not in control, and these people work, have money, CHOOSE the life they lead, and are owned by emotions and the emotions of others. I dislike these people because of the impact they have on my Girls. Never hate, I say it below always. Just typing to TRY and connect. This took me like 3 hours today 😀 I hope 2 people read it.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF!

DON’T ALLOW OTHERS TO STEAL YOUR LIFE, THOUGHTS OR EMOTIONS.

Be yourself and NEVER compromise this. When you do, you give your control to others.

For now…

..Below is the system of help I am in just now. I will be adding a pain-team back to this list shortly

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This was my first HELP about 12 years ago:

@Dr_A_Dobbin – On Twitter

https://www.facebook.com/PositiveMentalTraining/

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The River Center is for people suicidal, depressed, just lost in life:

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I am now here. The possibility to be a DJ again, AND TO SING (Is the plan)

https://www.facebook.com/TheStaffordCentre

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MORE LOVE, LESS HATE

blogger-for-peace-van-2

BLOGGERS FOR PEACE AND SANITY

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

Shaun Gibson Twitter: @ShaunyScot
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Shaun Celtic FC Twitter: @ShaunyCeltic

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS - THIS REPRESENTS 'BETTER' FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS – THIS REPRESENTS ‘BETTER’ FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

 

 

 

WHAT IF Religion is backwards? I am just asking……….

0b5491940300b4aba3b8e67c0a60a1c8[COPY AND PAST HERE, MY BAD] RELIGIOUS BRAIN FART HERE. Now don’t go shitting on my car ok. I am a very deep thinking lad, wear my shit on my sleeve, never mind my heart 😀 I think about things in ways I KNOW OTHERS DO..I am no lone font, voice or person here. I am a good person, I do good things, I want to harm no person. BUT I HAVE TO RUIN IT 😀 And say “If you harm ANYONE I LOVE, I will ruin your life”..Now MANY MEN will say this, many mean it, some just say it because it’s all manly and masculine bullshit right? Good..We on the same page. Life tells us “Men must be tough” ….”Woman must have kids and keep the circle of life going”…and everything in-between, you know what I mean…So I AM ASKING THIS. Fuck it..It’s just a fucking question.

~~

Eminem – Rain Man With On Screen lyrics
[VIDEO] Via Eminem on You Tube

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#WHAT #IF Religion is backwards. What if Religions God is in fact the Devil? What if in-fact the Devil is the good guy? I mean shit just look at this World, your own World and ask “Does Shaun have a point?”….Ask that shit just in private if you must. I am not suggesting ‘BE EVIL’ Shit look at the banner above this with Bob Marley and Hitler, that shit came from my soul, so I know my Heart is in the right place. BUT WHAT IF RELIGION IS JUST ILLUSION OF IMMANENCE GRANDEUR? Think about that shit till you come back on yourself then wonder what the fuck you just thought about AND WHY…I am just asking a question here, in reality, I just said fucking nothing…BUT MY WORDS HERE, WILL BE DEFINED BY OTHERS…So think more, why does that happen? Deep thinking guy am I? Man, you ain’t seen SHIT yet…I just woke the fuck up and I am ready to show crazy be amazing, because there is only a 5% swing between ‘Crazy’ and ‘Genius’ right? There is, Science said so 😀 THINK…JUST THINK…It does no harm, it costs nothing, it’s free, it’s yours to own, it can be your little secret. Sadly I can’t keep secrets…But I ain’t a grass….Nearly 4AM gimme a fucking break 😀

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MORE LOVE, LESS HATE

blogger-for-peace-van-2

BLOGGERS FOR PEACE AND SANITY

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

Shaun Gibson Twitter: @ShaunyScot
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Shaun Celtic FC Twitter: @ShaunyCeltic

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS - THIS REPRESENTS 'BETTER' FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS – THIS REPRESENTS ‘BETTER’ FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

 

♪ WOULD YOU ALMOST KILL YOURSELF TO STAY ALIVE?♫

It's a fake gun, relax

It’s a fake gun, relax. It’s the eyes I am going for

Above my blog are 3 pages, one is Living with CPS/Fibro and M.E. – 3 Disabilities I hope I can help others, that is all. When we have to put ourselves in a bubble and ignore almost everyone, it’s for good reason usually. Sadly others see it different, because some STILL want to name me and put a name on me as well as define me, this is the only way I can try and speak back. I can’t do ‘Going out’ much these days. I am making myself a monster so I can get into THAT ROOM, the room in the 3 links below. I just spent another hard morning doing Boxing work with a hairline fracture on my right ankle and damage to my left hand. Always I look to be inspired by things be them images or music, these are the only two things boxing will help you with. A famous fighter once said “Boxing is the Loneliest training or sport on Earth” I have that on my wall with other images to help me, and boy was he correct. I was a boxer as a kid, not allowed to fight by my Dad who maybe didn’t want me to go that road? I have no idea, he said “You can’t protect yourself” and I thought I did, this was 30 years ago now, so we laugh about it today my Dad and I as he calls me asking how I am doing with this fight for lifequote-Frank-Bruno-boxing-is-the-toughest-and-loneliest-sport-82019

The video below sadly I couldn’t find the lyrics video for so hit play on the video then scroll down to the lyrics. Who can identify with these lyrics? I can for sure, they make utter sense. Today I went into THAT ROOM for many people, the list is long and I am at the bottom, I can’t do this for myself, it has to be for others. I have added more pictures to my wall, and when I am screaming in pain, dulled by the music I have blasting out I know I am not alone. Many of us have a battle right? Mine is to live longer, that is it man, I can’t define it any better. I do feel lonely, I am having to decline offers to be places or go places because what I am doing I have to FIND HATE! And I don’t do hate, in my mind I MUST find a reason to keep doing what I am doing in a pain I have never felt before. The pain is dull, very deep and doesn’t go away. So when I am in that room I change my thinking to where I need to put it, then I have to start thinking about my Daughters and others before I finish and leave THAT ROOM. 7 weeks in and my body is starting to tighten, I feel the effects. I have to beat this, the rest is just BULLSHIT # The Reality Of Blogging. We shout over each other, it’s 8ull$h1t <# My thoughts on Blogging at the end of 2015

A Song To My Family

1st Report for my Gym/Boxing work. As I fight for life

2nd Report for my Gym/Boxing work. As I fight for life in agony

March 5th 2013: When we place ourselves in a private bubble, turn to love

~~~

DeNauN-This Corner
Via ShadyRecords on You Tube – LYRICS BELOW

[Intro]

Hey look let me tell y'all somethin' alright?
What I do, I do
Straight like that
So ain't no sense in y'all troublin' yourselves over that
'Cause man the way I feel right now today

I came up on the wrong side of the fence
I gave my family pain and strife and asked them all for strength
But hell in my defence
And I got too much way too fast
My mama told me it won't last
Now I'm back down on the bottom
Wishin' that I took another path
I should've listened
But my mind was gone
My temper too quick so when my fuse get lit so when it's on, it's on
Yeah, everybody wrong
Yeah, and I'm always right
Yeah, ain't nobody to blame now
It's me vs. Me, man, this my fight

So don't look at me like I am the same person I was before
We all deserve a second chance and this time I think I can do more
I'm better

Yeah I put that on my family, all you gotta do is give me the chance
And I can show you that I'm worthy of the trust that you require
Put it all on my shoulders, I'm a fighter, I won't get tired
When I'm back up in this corner, back up in this corner, tryna get out
Back up in this corner, back up in this corner, gotta get out

You think I got none but I got all kind of sense
Stop judgin' my book by the cover
Maybe you should do a little recounting since
I ain't tryna vent, this ain't what was me
It's nothing owed to me
Get the swan song, I don't need an ode to me
Shit hopefully holdin' this rosary'll keep me out of close calls with 
the O police
I said I'm tryna be a whole new me
I ain't tryna do the same old thing
I'm tryna prove to my family that I will not bring
No more trouble around, I ain't gotta do nothing
But stay out of shit, I ain't gotta be up in the chaotic
Prolly 'cause it's my redemption that I'm entrenched in
And I won't let anybody deny my vision, it's my decision
But y'all ain't listenin'

So don't look at me like I am the same person I was before
We all deserve a second chance and this time I think I can do more
I'm better

Yeah I put that on my family, all you gotta do is give me the chance
And I can show you that I'm worthy of the trust that you require
Put it all on my shoulders, I'm a fighter, I won't get tired
When I'm back up in this corner, back up in this corner, tryna get out
Back up in this corner, back up in this corner, gotta get out

It's my gameplan now
To get in this ring and show that I'm a changed man and how
I won't blow another chance to make you proud
Even though you got the right to hate me now
I know you lost your hope in me
But hopefully I can restore it back where it's supposed to be
I just want my daughter back, this fight means much more than that
I'm tryna think before I react, I ain't get the message at first
I tried to ignore the facts
But I'm much older, she's my soldier, I told you
I'd go to war for that
I said your boy is the truth and it's no lie in him
All he needs is his family with him
Y'all want him 'til it's no room given
I'ma hit him 'til the ref come and get him

So don't look at me like I am the same person I was before
We all deserve a second chance and this time I think I can do more
I'm better

~~End~~

ShaunyNews Twitter: @ShaunyNews
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
ShaunyNews Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ShaunyNews1/

We have choice about how a child’s life is shaped after ABUSE #HelpHere

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11057937_10154338472044852_1901245114676826891_nThis is a subject close to my heart. I had a good loving Childhood but many scars remain from things no little boy should have seen or was shown. I am disabled today by ‘what we think’ was from my Childhood. I have amazing parents, they are not the issue. I write about how Kids die in Wars, how kids are abused by ‘Alleged’ people in high places. This page when I seen it I couldn’t not share it, I had to share. You may have had a good childhood but please understand there are kids in the UK/Scotland/Wales/Ireland and all over our World suffering some form of abuse today. DO THE RIGHT THING AND TRY AND HELP THOSE KIDS. I plead for the human side of you to help be it in a big way or small, the deal should be ‘As long as we do help. Sadly many will walk right past this issue because they have never understood the pain we are trying to help. You need not understand the pain, just know it exists and YOU CAN HELP. Do the right thing, please.

You can sign the petition here: http://e-activist.com/

NSPCC: Facebook Page

itstimetotakeaction-cta

Every child should receive the right support and care after abuse. Far too many don’t.

Add your voice to our campaign
Together we can change this

NSPCC.ORG.UK <Click)

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ShaunyGibson Twitter: @ShaunyGibson
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ShaunyNews1/

♫ Dying inside ♫

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Dying Inside – Lyrics – Gary Barlow
Via: Olivia Erim On You Tube

Shauny

My New Life Starts Today. Please watch this video! ♫ FIX YOU ♫

I MADE IT TO THE TOP OF THE HILL!

I MADE IT TO THE TOP OF THE HILL!

I was sent a video from a relative’s Uncle a few weeks ago, half family soon to be or something. It got to me, I seen something in this video, I will leave it below, I felt the video. I have sat at this chair or other chairs in agony for too long now, so today I decided to start walking the dog more. Today, first try, 20 minutes up to the top of the hill then back down again. The pain I am in now is INSANE but I feel like it’s worth it. The pain will never dissipate or lessen; learning to live in pain is what I am trying to do here. I say this and bore myself to tears but I have a family, two little girls I want to walk down the aisle one day at their weddings. If I stay where I am, stand still I won’t be here for 10 years more, never mind 20 or 30. So today is the start of something new. I can only try, I will fall, I will fail, but I always (Sorry, lol) come back to my 15 years as a football coach and manager today. I remember I roared at people to go that extra yard, that extra pace, to give all they have, AND I WAS GOOD AT IT. So now let me put to practice what I preached to others for many years. I know it’s going to hurt but if I am going to live in pain I need my muscles to be more and I need my mind clearer. I had to take a small amount of medication when I came back. So today was a start. I write a lot, people reach back often, I reach back too. So to the lad who gave me this video and planted a seed in my mind. Thanks a lot mate… I will enjoy that pint all the better one day 😀 This video below is about an ex Army lad from the USA. He gave up, but 1 man seen him and thought “I need to help him” This video I will watch most days to motivate myself. I am doing this for me sure, but if you love me, I do it for you also. Get up!! Stand up! I need to win again. Life ain’t beating me. I demand better from myself. Today I start a new journey, a new way of being and becoming. I am in agony, but pain is pain, life is life..This video made me cry when I was first sent it, but it took me a few weeks to get myself ready for this journey. So no matter where I end up I hope for my 2 wee princess’ I do it. I AM STANDING BACK UP…

Never, Ever Give Up. Arthur’s Inspirational Transformation!
Via: Diamond Dallas Page on You Tube

NEVER GIVE IN, YOU WILL FALL, BUT GET BACK UP!! I used to say this to people, now I need it for me. 

More love, less hate.

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Just the start!

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I could see the Highlands of Scotland after 1 walk. I will post other walks as I go

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My new walking buddy…

Shauny 

ShaunyNews Twitter:@ShaunyNews
ShaunyNews Facebook:http://www.facebook.com/groups/shaunynews/
Skype: shaunyg1973
Chronic Illness Support:https://www.facebook.com/groups/ChronicIllSupport/
Ace News Chat:http://www.acechatnews.wordpress.com
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ShaunyNews Daily Online Paper:http://paper.li/ShaunyNews/DailyPaper
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My competitive, but caring, loving edge, I need it to survive, PLEASE READ!!

To some this means NOTHING, to me it explains who I must be, and all I can be

To some this means NOTHING, to me it explains who I must be, and all I can be

 

PLEASE I ASK EVERYONE WHO FOLLOWS ME OR TALKS TO ME, READ THIS, PLEASE ! 

500 followers and 35 awards since the start of 2013. well there you go eh…

For me every follower, every award is like winning a Soccer trophy. Really PLEASE READ ON!!!

I am a competitive man, I have to be, it is my job, I get paid to win, and my job is to get 18 men and ask them all to battle and spill blood to win a game of Soccer. The level I manage at asks I do this. Many will say “That is a bit extreme” But it is the nature of being a Soccer Manager

Then I look above, 500 followers and 35 awards since the start of the year. Going through my 15 years as a Football Coach and Manager (Two different things) I have won close to 19 league titles and cup finals. I am a born winner, I sleep to succeed, then life came and took it away and left me in a shadow, in the dark, in pain, not knowing what to do. Then I fould EVERYONE READING THIS AND WHO FOLLOWS ME….Please read on

 

Even in AGONY every day of my life I drag my sorry ass up and I WIN, I tell myself “Just because you are disabled, does not mean you want pity, or to be treat different or be less of a person” I have to tell myself this every day, without that edge, I don’t think I would be here, truly, I am Blogging for peace, Blogging for Master Peace, an Admin on here for a help/idea section, I also help out with Playing for change http://playingforchange.com/ I can’t give any more of myself away, but truth be told, I would if I could. I happily give my free time to pray and hope for a better world. But this is my calling now, well since I found this place, I want fairness, listen to the Radio section below, what I was doing, calling cheats to task

See the pain makes you feel second hand, makes you feel old and used, different also. So to come here and get 35 awards is just staggering. I never meant to blog, it was a mistake. I snapped my left Hamstring 14 months ago, out of boredom I ended up on Twitter, within in 2 months I had 5,000 followers and was a regular on the Radio, debating with paid pundits, leading me to blog here today, everything happens for a reason? God works in mysterious ways?

Here:

 

Whatever I do, whenever I do it I give it my all because I have to, I started this blog to keep me breathing, I need people to know this. I shared my inner soul with people and helped people back, I can’t help it, and it is who I am. And I know one or two people will look at these followers and awards and start to dislike me, this is human nature and all too familiar to me.

When a person does something, and they do ok at it, Human nature dictates a small percentage will start to dislike that person. Don’t ask me why, or for what reasons, I can only speculate. But the very nature of my SOUL means being here, I need to help, I need to say “Are you ok” I need to ask “Is there anything I can do”

I would like to thank everyone, Word Press as a whole, and offer the award I created to everyone, and only ask they give it to 10 other people. This is the award here

Please take this and give it to 10 people. Thank you!

Please take this and give it to 10 people. Thank you!

 

I love this place, it arrived to me when I needed it, and you all came to my life when I needed you. I am going back to Soccer management. This is a HUGE deal to me. It is what I am. Some work, I can’t. Some play sport, I Can’t. Some go out every weekend for a meal and a drink, I can’t. Some have romantic weekends away with their partner, I can’t, some walk their dog, I can’t, some work out at the Gym, I can’t, I could go on and on, please, don’t feel sorry for me, I am ok, I will claw my way back to the top, where I come alive, where I need to be, where I can look myself in the mirror and not see a disabled useless bastard, as this is what I see some days, I am sorry for that remark, truly, but THIS IS HOW I FEEL! But I am changing that view, with YOUR HELP, Please, from my heart, mind and soul, I thank every one of you. I had a rough 4 years, stuff I have not shared with you all, I can’t. trust me it’s horrific, I need to move on from it

This place has opened my heart and mind and allowed me to breath again. And I would like to thank every single person who reads this, or has followed me, or has given me an award, or has helped me when I was down. Due to you all I am about to go and do what many take for granted. Live! I will be out there in the world, out of my safety bubble doing my thing

Thank you all for making this possible. You helped me, you saved me, you all saved me

Thank you. I am Shaun, no more, no less; I am what you see, who you talk to, who you debate with.

Without Word Press and all you, I hate to think where I may be right now. Thanks to you I found something in myself, I found a new me, the new me. People take the ability to live for granted, I don’t. I treasure EVERY SECOND I am doing something you can, if you can, I am heading back the world that I almost got scared about, I almost stopped wanting to go out, the last 4 years killed me, the pain killed me, an EVENT killed me, but we had two Daughters and I seen some light, and I ran, sorry, hobbled to it and now I am grabbing or it, I won’t take me eye from this light, never again. For others still looking for that light, I will always be here to help you find it, as others proved to me it is there for anyone who wants it

I know many are like me, and the great thing is, you will all understand what I am saying here.

Again, thank you!

Don’t Stop Believin’ – Don’t give in

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Can I just say this blog came about because I know someone who took their own life. She is gone, we move on. I hardly knew her. Sad, but I did this for her family I guess 

Name of the blog, “What is he talking about now” I hear you think. Well one day, not long ago, I stopped believing in life, I gave up. I packed my cases, had the pen in my hand and a piece of paper in front of me, ready to write the last letter I was ever going to write. The pain had won the battle, and my mind and body had told me to call it a day. I was done, turn me over so to speak

A selfish place, a place so dark, you can feel evil through the darkness in your mind. I was there, I was close, I don’t know what stopped me taking my own life, and I have no idea. But then family and CLOSE friends, long before I did any blog anywhere 2 year ago, seen I was close to saying my goodbye’s to them. I was finished, my life at age 35 or so, was over for me, my dreams had gone, my wanting to succeed was gone, my get up and go, got up and left, I was empty, I needed filled, bit did not know what was to fill me. I was at the end, my time was close and I was happy to do this. My friends and what I am about to share clawed me back from the abyss

Then something happened to me.  I can’t explain it in words, but hope came to me. An event happened, a small event in the Grand scheme of things, but for me, a life changer.

Here is her 1st photo

My Daughter Courtney seconds after being born, she is 4 soon.  DSC00036S

From that day, I found hope. The pain was still there. For me hope came in the form of love for my kid, and 15 months later, hope came when her little sister came along. Chloe

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These 2 little people aged 2 and 3 now, soon to be 3 and 4 in May and July surged hope through my body, they changed me in ways they will never know. They showed me TRUE love without knowing it; they gave me love without ever knowing it. One day I will tell them half this story, but these 2 little bundled of  joy gave me back my fight, a passion I can’t explain, something to live for would be obvious to say, but sometimes when you are low, NOTHING will pick you up, I was blessed and lucky

3 years on, here I am, blogging for 3 different groups after a year of blogging and Radio in the name of Soccer (UK, Football) in an environment I didn’t really like, but I felt at home, almost a family feel to what I was doing. But that ended and I came here, and I made an award yesterday, I blog for “Bloggers for Peace” and another site about peace also. Peace and love have entered my fingertips and these blogs, good or bad, just flow with love, understanding and hope now, with obvious love as well. I care now, before I didn’t, now I care to much. There is a saying “You can help others that often you leave yourself exposed” and trust me this is true, so finding a happy medium with yourself is crucial, I found it, with help

Word Press family Award. Anyone PLEASE, take this award and give it to 10 people, many here have given me advice and advice I have given back, this is no gimik, I mean it, and over 500 people have had this award at last count in less than a day, so thank you all, I hope more join this unique family of caring souls

Wordpress-Family-Award

I often wonder how many people wrote that note and left loved ones wondering why, I often wonder what these loved ones were left thinking. Did they blame themselves, who did it affect and what happened? As I was close, I am not shy to share this as you can see, I MUST share this. I may save a life, I may not, but I have to try, it is what we do here. I decided to “Blog for change” and “Blog for peace” as well as “Blog for hope” and am now in a place where doors are opening for me in places I could only have dreamt about a year or so ago. I wrote before, and lessons I learnt, when you are doing well, and you are doing things right, don’t change, keep your feet on the ground, and I do realise the darkness may creep back to me, my feet are glued to the ground here, today’s smile may be tomorrow’s sorrow, we all share this common feeling, I believe so anyway, so why do I write this?

Why? Because right now, somewhere on earth, someone will be sitting with a pen in their hand with a bit of paper in front of them preparing to leave the good Earth

My message is simple, don’t give in. Don’t stop believing something or someone will enter your life and pull you back from the brink of self destruction. If you are reading this, and YOU are in this place, PLEASE, for the love of God, reach out to someone, speak to someone, tell someone, blog it, do something. Don’t write “That letter” write “THIS” letter

I beg you.

From someone who was on the edge, who came close, don’t stop believing. Word Press came along and changed me also, people care here. Maybe they pretend, so what, they try, they take a second to say “You ok” or “You will be ok” I have had this said to me, and said it to many people.

This is for you, and all I wrote above, I have never self harmed, but I was close, it was a cry for help. Something happened last night involving a friend of a friend I heard this morning, so this is why I write this blog. I didn’t know the person, but they had a pen and paper and wrote the note. And nobody noticed like they did with me.

Life will throw you to the floor and stand on you if you let it, sometimes we have got to throw life away from us and stand up and push back. I did, so can you………

I did this blog to begin with, to reach out, hoping people would reach back, and WOW they did, some of you took me off life support. I can’t thank some of you enough.

Sadly some don’t have this support. The story I heard this morning, this person was alone, with no support, now they are a statistic

The Battle

Battling

Battling

 

It has been a while since I can say “four days in a row the pain has dulled” and it has. I am still in a fair amount of pain, but since I did the blog on my back, the 4 days after, today “so far” included, I feel as I could go a walk, punch a shark in the lips, clean all my windows, and more. But I know by doing this blog, tomorrow I will wake up in pain again. Or at least I know a bad day is around the bend.

Strange thing is, when I done this blog http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/03/08/worst-pain-ever-today/ since then, the pain has dulled by about 25%. When it is 100% like many on here it is hard to deal with isn’t it. And I know many do, I read your blogs

So it comes down to one thing “The Battle” The daily struggle with yourself, my biggest issue is I fight hard, I refuse to accept, and although I have accepted I have Chronic Pain and other things wrong with me, due to Chronic Pain, I still fight it. My body tells me through pain “Nope, you are not doing that” And I go and do it, then suffer for a week. I am my worst enemy to myself sometimes

But what do we do? Do we climb into bed and give in and cry in pain all day feeling sorry for ourselves? No! We get up and fight it, we live, we smile, we be with family, and we do all the things we want to do. Right now I desperately want to go visit my Mum, but I know if I arrange it, come that day, my mind will kick in and the pain will come. They say with Chronic Pain is a mind game of sorts, the mind brings the pain on worse, and maybe they are right (They being the experts who have never felt the pain)

So the battle carries on, between you, your mind and your pain. A daily struggle, each day you open your eyes and wonder what the day will bring, will you be stuck in bed, stuck in a chair, or will you be able to punch a shark in the teeth. This for me is the battle

I know many here fight the same battle. Even with no pain, we all have battles to fight; some here with nothing wrong with them have to battle. The thing I can say about me is I 100% have my mind and I am thankful for this, as I know many don’t. Some days I feel like I could swap pain for mind, if that makes sense, but then I realise it is what it is, pain. Toothache all over my body feeling

But being here I see many battle, I hear them talk about the battle, I read about the battle, I share the battle, and together we can all battle together through love, caring, sharing and God if that is our thing. This may seem odd to some, and if it does, and you believe in God, you won’t turn away in disgust, people who believe in God wouldn’t turn their backs on someone on the path looking for God. Did God turn his back on Peter? No he didn’t, so I know you won’t turn your back on me for not being just there yet, but that is a blog for another time, as I stay on the path of searching with my friend my and teacher, The Heart of Rev. Eddie Tatro That is his blog

So keep battling away, you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I seen a miracle once when my brother had 3 months to live, this was 20 years or so ago, he is still with us, he fought and lived through what looked like a certain loss, the same as my good friend Ajaytao 2010 on here, he battled the exact same  Cancer as my brother and won, I hope he doesn’t mind me mentioning this

So we battle and hope for the miracle, as they do happen

I am here for everyone and anyone as I hope you all know. I don’t know it all, but I do try, and through the wisdom of many here I am learning more about my condition, life, God and much more with each passing day

In the meantime we just need Patience to see us through

Shaun

Worst pain ever today……

elite-daily-guy-yelling-in-pain

I get pain all over my body, sometimes my knee, sometimes my shoulders, sometimes my hips, sometimes my ankles, even my feet, and many other places. Today it is lower back

I awoke and could walk, but every step was like an electric shock to the area, the pain was 10/10 I was in agony. I called my GP he just said “Take more pills, and use more gel on the area” So I did, and it took 20% of the pain away.

Lower back pain for me can be the worst of all pains, as that one area makes it hard for all your other joints to move properly. The cause is the way I slept last night, people usually sleep in one way, I slept in an almost foetal position, and I am told not to by the pain experts, but when asleep, you are not aware of how you will end up sleeping

Does me no good!

Does me no good!

When I do sleep like this, it is feels like my lower back has fused and I can’t straighten up, and today, I spent 3 or 4 hours in agony after I awoke, trying to just relax whatever it was that needed relaxing. Even now, it is still sore, it was that sore leaning forward to drink a cup of tea hurt my back and my neck. This is Chronic Pain, I wouldn’t wish it on an enemy, if I had one, it is degrading and horrible and days like this I just want to stay asleep, as when asleep, there is no pain, and I did for a while, I just went back to bed and the pain and medication knocked me out

I just hate it, it sucks, its shit, it’s more that agony; I don’t have a word for this pain. Today is a day I needed to be somewhere and do something’s, and I couldn’t, so I let people down, and that brings guilt, but I was reminded by everyone and their dog’s today “It isn’t your fault

I promised myself I wouldn’t give into this bastard pain, and try and live normal, today?

Shaun 0-1 Pain

I lost. I had no choice, I just gave in. And as I sit here, I ask, is there more to come? Is the pain going to get worse? Is this for me? Or do I do what I preach and fight, do I lift myself up in agony and go, do I say “No” and just keep going? I am a fighter, give me a fight and I will win, it is in my nature. Today I lost, and that hurts my pride, but makes me want to fight harder to try and find ways to stop this pain.

I promise myself right now, I am not taking this, I won’t give up, I will fight, and I will do as I tell others. But today was awful. Really bad, and it’s days like this I wish I did not over do sport when I was 21 and younger, when I remember all my coaches from Soccer to Boxing telling me “Take it easy” I used to run, no, sprint up hills, I used to do extra soccer practice, I stayed behind in the gym and did extra in the ring with my coach, who was the Scottish Middleweight champion  at the time. And even he said “Take it easy tiger”

I should have listened.

So if you are the same, you pushing yourself too far, to fast, to hard? Stop, please. It does come back to hit you, hard.

Slow down tiger

Slow down tiger

Shaun