My Personal Recovery – We can all recover – Reach out – We are here for you all

This CAN be true for many

So, recovery is the title, and it’s a slight lie. Today, 19th August 2018 I am in a slightly better place than I was when I wrote this for example. Finally in the ‘Mental Health’ System – LONG, HARD, ROAD AHEAD – I SEE HOPE!

My Last blog about this topic from back in April 23rd 2018

That blog above was my last blog about these issues we all suffer from, be it us or other we love or call friends. The last blog I done regarding our shared mental health issues, pain, suffering, depression, whatever is holding us all back is something I used to share every day. I had this belief that ‘Talking out is helping’ – The more I awaken from the mental distress I caused others via taking less Opiate based drugs, the more I see clearly that some of the things I did write over the years all the way back to 2011 were voices I had no control over. For me to sit and read my own words back shows me how awful I was. But like most I am not cured, I am not out of the woods. I think I have came to accept what is wrong with me, but more important, learnt to not throw my issues onto those I love. After all, we ALL have a Recovery story don’t we?

James Arthur – Recovery
Via: James Arthur on You Tube

GOD I MISS THIS!!

Along my journey I have become a soldier of war same as most, fighting for my Partner, my kids and other loved ones. What I see today is a FAMILY OF PEOPLE WHO CARE. Recently I was invited to start doing a Podcast on Football by 2 amazing lads. The Podcast is about Celtic FC and it’s called the Pod Black Brimmer. Spreaker and Itunes by the way 🙂 The UTTER abuse thrown at me from loved ones and friends here in Edinburgh for being part of a Podcast with THAT title is funny to be fair, but I am clever enough to understand, won’t stop me doing the podcast however 😀 I love my Celtic. Those who know me know I don’t hate, I am an Edinburgh lad exposed to the same life we all have been exposed too just in a different place, but to the 2 lads Brian and Davie who gave me a chance to show myself I can sit in my Man-Cave alone and talk Football, I can’t thank them enough. I suffer with 6 Disabilities, Suicidal thoughts, M.E. (Myalgic Mencephalomyelitis) + Fibromyalgia + PTSD + Agoraphobia and Psychosis and yeah IT’S HARD and the medication is harmful, but we must take these tablets and potions to stay level, do I agree with drug consumption to help us? Not really, but I don’t drink Alcohol. I see Alcohol as a legal, socially acceptable way to lose the feelings we feel, so each to their own, I just see Alcohol as a damaging liquid, just an observation through my own journey. I am not a scared person, I am aware these issues make me honest to a level I could be harmful to others, I cannot control these feelings, so I MANAGE my life along with my Amazing partner who I have known since age 14 and been with since age 17, she is my everything, my rock ❤ I don’t do these Podcasts or blogs to be a wee Snowflake or feel all special, no, it’s me sitting in a room alone talking about what I loved to do, and miss still to this day, Football, yeah I miss the Touchline, changing room, the chance to be social and all that comes with working with kids and adults in Football. NOTHING in Football can be done alone, it’s a Team game, no matter what your involvement is, you need others to carry and help you along the way. So I MUST thank Brian and Davie for noticing I was ready, and also everyone who loves me and who I love back x

Before we can even start to recover to a state of existence, first we MUST find reason. For me personally my reasons were easy. My Kids, my beautiful amazing partner, my Mum, Sisters, Brother, nieces and nephews with others and definitely friends. Lads I have known since I was a kid when my Dad used to run businesses and shops all over Edinburgh, all older than me, lol. Most of my Friends are older than me, so rooond you all, it’s great to be the youngest 😀 They all rip me brilliantly, make fun of me, but I do the same to them, IT’S A HEALTHY THING, and if any of you are reading. Do Remember!! One: Clerry Jungle and Two: Yous are Dicks 😀 Joking aside, my reasons were as simple as yours, because I know YOU struggle sometimes too. The game of Life is very simple for me. I say ‘LIFE IS HARD – SO DON’T MAKE IT WORSE FOR YOURSELF’ – Personally I believe if we start there with that saying, it’s a good start, we ain’t making things worse.

Linkin Park – Somewhere I Belong
Via: Linkin Park on You Tube

Sadly like you I suffer. The pain is horrific and my mind has thoughts I have to battle every moment. Managing THIS I can’t do alone. First and foremost my partner has helped me, guided me, taught me and keeps doing so. My 2 sons too help me, 2 amazing lads who are amazing men with loving partners and are Dads themselves with two little kids, a wee boy and a wee girl just waiting on their GAGA to jump into their lives. When the time is right, life will allow it, I pray this is true. The harm and hurt I have caused others is an issue I must get past and find a way to find hope and live. Suicide is a thought, also an act, but first a living breathing thought.

Depression #FuckDepression!!! is a darkness most have, some higher than others, but suffering is suffering. I used to think I had it worse, but I was 32 or something then 😀 Here I am just turned 45 and I have found ‘Comfort in Home’ has been a huge thing for me, the only down side is due to my Disabilities, like you, like anyone, our home can become a comfort zone we don’t want to escape. Recently I restarted singing lessons to start a Chester Bennington Tribute act and it’s on hold for a few months due to circumstances, but I can’t wait to get back to the freedom of Music. Look down the right hand side of this page, songs and images. Music saves us, it unites our souls where we can co-exist on ANY LEVEL. With UTTER RESPECT Politics, Politicians, Religion, Sport and the WORST CULPRIT! Money, that divides us. We do need money, but if all we are doing is chasing Money and the NEED to consume with money, all we are doing is buying moments of happiness. Trust me, I am an expert at this 😀 For now that is it. I am no harm, how can I be with two little Girls who call me Daddy around me? How can I be anything other than my Daughters best friend, because I am, we are pals, we laugh, we cry, we sing. They are my first reason. Two little fun girls who don’t know they saved me, and might never know. Again, and I say this on Facebook a lot, why don’t we listen to our Kids more. Even if you don’t have kids, go and spend time with the blank canvas that a child can be, an innocence so amazing it can only be loving fun.

Some leave clues to sadness and pain, if we look and listen, we can be helped

Often in life our very saving Grace can be right in-front of us. All we need to do is listen, and we can be helped. Not saved or cured, just helped. That is my story, I don’t want notoriety or hits, nor do I need to be liked by anyone, I am loved and liked by people already, but do feel free to become a friend, I find it hard to let people in, but so do you maybe? Trust must be earned. So I am reaching out, if you want to reach back, I am here. Be kind to others, and please remember to include yourself friends, be kind to you too x

Chester Bennington – One More light
Via:

Linkin Park on You Tube

MORE LOVE, LESS HATE

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BLOGGERS FOR PEACE AND SANITY

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

Shaun Gibson Twitter: @ShaunyScot
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Shaun Celtic FC Twitter: @ShaunyCeltic

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS - THIS REPRESENTS 'BETTER' FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS – THIS REPRESENTS ‘BETTER’ FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

13 Reasons Why – Taboo Subjects

Mental Health, TV Show, Impact, Young Adults, Kids, Social Media, Bullying, Bullies, Shock, Suicide, Self Harm, Trust, Friendship, Ego, Adults not looking, Kids in Despair and many more TABOO issues were in this show I just finished watching. 2 Seasons about a Girl committing Suicide, and the after-math left at the shock, guilt and regret of others, is pretty much the ‘Reasons Why’ this TV show should make us pay attention to each other. But please keep reading and I will explain best I can WHO we should pay more attention to, and our REASONS, this might surprise you!

My first blog in a long time about anything, but I had to write my thoughts out here in the vain hope it can help another who is silent. I used to blog about me, then stopped because I started to understand we all suffer, it’s called life, it can be hard, challenging and often impossible. We all have a weight or a cross to carry, we all have REASONS for how we feel. It took me taking myself off from 4 powerful drugs about a year ago to wake me up to the fact we all have that REASON why we are unhappy, sad, depressed and all the other black cloud emotions. We all have them, but we must allow each other to deny them, because we can’t dig the truth out of a persons mind no matter how hard we want to try. A person will only be BETTER when they find REASONS to keep trying, but even then nothing is certain. I won’t ruin this show nor it’s ending for anyone, but I will tell people what it is about. I think some of us need to give this Taboo a voice, even for ourselves for our own reasons. Please keep reading, not too much to read here, you will understand at the bottom who I type about

Watching KIDS on a TV show portray such emotion is the reason this show is so popular and why many of these kids will win some trophies and more for telling an awful truth about the mind and the reasons a mind can be broken in the year 2018. No matter what age we are, mental health can can strike any of us. The trigger can be something we are not aware about or totally aware about. I am an adult, I am comfy speaking out as I do, doesn’t make me better nor stronger and certainly doesn’t raise me above anyone. But my reasons are for our kids I guess. The real kicker in this TV show is how people backed off and allowed the inevitable to happen. Then when it happens the guilt is stripped bare and people try to deny and deflect feelings to save their own minds. THIS IS NORMAL, and it’s ok. We are all fragile in some way. Some use the most socially acceptable way to hide it and that is alcohol, some smother the pain in drugs, some have drugs thrown at us as if the answer lies in the trust of a Dr and his tablets. For some it is the answer and help, for some it isn’t, and I mean Alcohol and Drugs bought or given legally, there is no distinction in our REASONS why we need to smother the pain or sadness.

We smother it with anything

And that is about all I can say. For those who watched both seasons till the end, you may get what I am typing. For those who have not watched, please know there are triggers in the TV show. Maybe some are half watching it or halfway through watching it. Like a book, like a movie, even like a song, we will all take something from this. What was confirmed for me is (And I include myself here) that we all wait, we all stand still and wait. I am at the stage of thinking “Why do we wait” I am waiting too, are you? And if so why? I ask myself why I wait to do anything, we will just call it life for now. I ask myself for REASONS and the easy reasons come to mind right away, my 2 Daughters. Like all our kids they are young and vulnerable to Social Media and I can see it coming like a TRAIN hurtling towards a crowded platform out of control.

The song below, like many songs, is a song I can sit and listen to over and over, we ALL have a song like this for different REASONS. I see the Internet as a very harsh place. To have opinions so strong online, you MUST accept the fact that before you even type, or talk, whatever way you speak out, KNOW YOU WILL BECOME A TARGET. I have never been bullied as an adult and was never bullied as a kid, but it does not stop me feeling for others who I know were, and I know a lot of people who were bullied at school, and after all these years just keep the emotion to themselves and hope it goes away. I hope it does too, the emotion of sadness I mean. This is something I have to face head on because I have two Daughters under 10 years old and Social Media is coming at them fast, I hate the thought but I can’t stop the reaction, yet I do have control over some actions. So all I can do is smile and educate my kids on EMOTIONS that come from the Internet and the REASONS why we must not look away from them, and ALWAYS we must speak out. I demand this from my kids, in the most loving way I can express. 13 Reasons Why was powerful, sad and a lot of emotions to take in. Some call it morbid, to me it’s just life playing out but in full view, not hidden by any means at all, laid bare so we can all see it. Suicide is an act, but it’s a living emotion for many, I know too many people of all ages and gender all over the World who battle REASONS WHY. The reason being staying alive, not ending our lives, it’s daily and it is like a drug itself, it is unrelenting, it is an emotion no drink or drug can help me with personally

I live every single day of my life sad, and I have no REAL reason to be sad. The pain I am in all day every day and have been for 17 year or so now is unfair, but there are people out there all over the World battling worse, in horrible places we could not even dream about. Take notice of those who are sad behind a smile, or funny behind a mask of darkness. If we don’t, a Castle of Glass will be our forever. Do NOT do this to yourself. This is Taboo, nobody wants to talk about it…Well nobody I know in the flesh that I need to talk about it with. So Social Media has become a ‘Safe’ place for my mind, knowing I can be helped as well as help back. In the end it doesn’t even matter, is a powerful saying, but our ending could and might be someone else’s tragic beginning. Food for thought, nothing more.

Shaun x

Castle of Glass – Linkin Park – LIVE
Via: Linkin Park  on You Tube

MORE LOVE, LESS HATE

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BLOGGERS FOR PEACE AND SANITY

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

Shaun Gibson Twitter: @ShaunyScot
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Shaun Celtic FC Twitter: @ShaunyCeltic

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS - THIS REPRESENTS 'BETTER' FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS – THIS REPRESENTS ‘BETTER’ FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

 

 

 

A song with images the World MUST Watch

the_earth_seen_from_apollo_17~~

MORE LOVE, LESS HATE

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BLOGGERS FOR PEACE AND SANITY

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

Shaun Gibson Twitter: @ShaunyScot
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Shaun Celtic FC Twitter: @ShaunyCeltic

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS - THIS REPRESENTS 'BETTER' FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS – THIS REPRESENTS ‘BETTER’ FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

 

 

A Touching Letter – A Story we would share, but would we act?

THIS IS JUST STUNNING, AND SAD

THIS IS JUST STUNNING, AND SAD

#1 A Touching Letter

“One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. It looked like he was carrying all of his books.I thought to myself, “Why would anyone take home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.” I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friend the next afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
Suddenly I saw a bunch of kids running towards him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him up so that he landed in the dirt.”

spotlight-bullying-15.06.12_1963

#2 His Name Was Kyle

“His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about 10 feet from him. When he looked up I saw a terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him, so I jogged over to him, helped him up and gave him his glasses. When the boy was back on his feet, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They should really get lives.” He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a huge smile on his face. One of those smiles that shows real gratitude.

It turned out that he lived in my neighborhood so we took off together towards home. I quickly learned that he was a pretty cool guy. His name was Kyle. I asked him if he wanted to play football on the weekend. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and my friends and I really got to like him.”

#3 They Planned To Separate

“The next Monday morning I saw Kyle again with his huge stack of books. I stopped him and joked: “Damn boy, you’re really gonna build some muscles carrying this pile of books every day!” Kyle just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next 4 years, Kyle and I became best friends. In the final year we both began to think seriously about college. Kyle decided to go to Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. We both knew that the friendship would still be there despite the miles. He was going to be a doctor and I was going to study business on a football scholarship. Kyle was, of course, valedictorian of our class.”

People Who Have No Shame

YOU DON'T SAY

YOU DON’T SAY

JUSTIN BEEB, BOOBS IT

JUSTIN BEEB, BOOBS IT

NOTHING TO SEE HERE

NOTHING TO SEE HERE

FINGERED

FINGERED

PEEK-A-BOO

PEEK-A-BOO

TOO SMALL, TOO TIGHT, TOO FAR

TOO SMALL, TOO TIGHT, TOO FAR

GETTING YUR HOLE IN THE BOG

GETTING YUR HOLE IN THE BOG

HA!

HA!

GO GIRL..YOU MIGHT GET ATTENTION. OH WAIT.....

GO GIRL..YOU MIGHT GET ATTENTION. OH WAIT…..

CUNT!! AN UTTER CUNT

CUNT!! AN UTTER CUNT

DOUBLE HAND DILDO

DOUBLE HAND DILDO

MAN, OR WO-MAN?

MAN, OR WO-MAN?

WOULD SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME TOO..IN THE MOMENT JUST

WOULD SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME TOO..IN THE MOMENT JUST

I WOULD DO THE SAME IF I AM HONEST

I WOULD DO THE SAME IF I AM HONEST

FAIR PLAY TO THE GUY!

FAIR PLAY TO THE GUY!

NO COMMENT

NO COMMENT

FECK IT..CAN'T FIND THE TOILET. WILL SHIT HERE AND FACEBOOK PEOPLE

FECK IT..CAN’T FIND THE TOILET. WILL SHIT HERE AND FACEBOOK PEOPLE

CLEVER YOUNG LAD

CLEVER YOUNG LAD

PISSING STANDING UP IS FOR DUDES RIGHT?

PISSING STANDING UP IS FOR DUDES RIGHT?

NO SHAME AT ALL...

NO SHAME AT ALL…

GRANDDAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

GRANDDAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

This happened in my City, Edinburgh, Scotland :D

This happened in my City, Edinburgh, Scotland 😀

WIPE YOUR FECKING ARSE WOMAN!! #JEEEZO

WIPE YOUR FECKING ARSE WOMAN!! #JEEEZO

I would punch his ear....then tell him to go sit in the toilet

I would punch his ear….then tell him to go sit in the toilet

Have some men never seen a woman before? I don't get this shit

Have some men never seen a woman before? I don’t get this shit

Santa is a perv

Santa is a perv

Yeah..just a warm up happening here...yeah

Yeah..just a warm up happening here…yeah

Lazy Father :D

Lazy Father 😀

ShaunyNews Twitter: @ShaunyNews
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Glasgow Celtic Chat : https://glasgowcelticchat.com
ShaunyCeltic: @ShaunyCeltic

♪ WOULD YOU ALMOST KILL YOURSELF TO STAY ALIVE?♫

It's a fake gun, relax

It’s a fake gun, relax. It’s the eyes I am going for

Above my blog are 3 pages, one is Living with CPS/Fibro and M.E. – 3 Disabilities I hope I can help others, that is all. When we have to put ourselves in a bubble and ignore almost everyone, it’s for good reason usually. Sadly others see it different, because some STILL want to name me and put a name on me as well as define me, this is the only way I can try and speak back. I can’t do ‘Going out’ much these days. I am making myself a monster so I can get into THAT ROOM, the room in the 3 links below. I just spent another hard morning doing Boxing work with a hairline fracture on my right ankle and damage to my left hand. Always I look to be inspired by things be them images or music, these are the only two things boxing will help you with. A famous fighter once said “Boxing is the Loneliest training or sport on Earth” I have that on my wall with other images to help me, and boy was he correct. I was a boxer as a kid, not allowed to fight by my Dad who maybe didn’t want me to go that road? I have no idea, he said “You can’t protect yourself” and I thought I did, this was 30 years ago now, so we laugh about it today my Dad and I as he calls me asking how I am doing with this fight for lifequote-Frank-Bruno-boxing-is-the-toughest-and-loneliest-sport-82019

The video below sadly I couldn’t find the lyrics video for so hit play on the video then scroll down to the lyrics. Who can identify with these lyrics? I can for sure, they make utter sense. Today I went into THAT ROOM for many people, the list is long and I am at the bottom, I can’t do this for myself, it has to be for others. I have added more pictures to my wall, and when I am screaming in pain, dulled by the music I have blasting out I know I am not alone. Many of us have a battle right? Mine is to live longer, that is it man, I can’t define it any better. I do feel lonely, I am having to decline offers to be places or go places because what I am doing I have to FIND HATE! And I don’t do hate, in my mind I MUST find a reason to keep doing what I am doing in a pain I have never felt before. The pain is dull, very deep and doesn’t go away. So when I am in that room I change my thinking to where I need to put it, then I have to start thinking about my Daughters and others before I finish and leave THAT ROOM. 7 weeks in and my body is starting to tighten, I feel the effects. I have to beat this, the rest is just BULLSHIT # The Reality Of Blogging. We shout over each other, it’s 8ull$h1t <# My thoughts on Blogging at the end of 2015

A Song To My Family

1st Report for my Gym/Boxing work. As I fight for life

2nd Report for my Gym/Boxing work. As I fight for life in agony

March 5th 2013: When we place ourselves in a private bubble, turn to love

~~~

DeNauN-This Corner
Via ShadyRecords on You Tube – LYRICS BELOW

[Intro]

Hey look let me tell y'all somethin' alright?
What I do, I do
Straight like that
So ain't no sense in y'all troublin' yourselves over that
'Cause man the way I feel right now today

I came up on the wrong side of the fence
I gave my family pain and strife and asked them all for strength
But hell in my defence
And I got too much way too fast
My mama told me it won't last
Now I'm back down on the bottom
Wishin' that I took another path
I should've listened
But my mind was gone
My temper too quick so when my fuse get lit so when it's on, it's on
Yeah, everybody wrong
Yeah, and I'm always right
Yeah, ain't nobody to blame now
It's me vs. Me, man, this my fight

So don't look at me like I am the same person I was before
We all deserve a second chance and this time I think I can do more
I'm better

Yeah I put that on my family, all you gotta do is give me the chance
And I can show you that I'm worthy of the trust that you require
Put it all on my shoulders, I'm a fighter, I won't get tired
When I'm back up in this corner, back up in this corner, tryna get out
Back up in this corner, back up in this corner, gotta get out

You think I got none but I got all kind of sense
Stop judgin' my book by the cover
Maybe you should do a little recounting since
I ain't tryna vent, this ain't what was me
It's nothing owed to me
Get the swan song, I don't need an ode to me
Shit hopefully holdin' this rosary'll keep me out of close calls with 
the O police
I said I'm tryna be a whole new me
I ain't tryna do the same old thing
I'm tryna prove to my family that I will not bring
No more trouble around, I ain't gotta do nothing
But stay out of shit, I ain't gotta be up in the chaotic
Prolly 'cause it's my redemption that I'm entrenched in
And I won't let anybody deny my vision, it's my decision
But y'all ain't listenin'

So don't look at me like I am the same person I was before
We all deserve a second chance and this time I think I can do more
I'm better

Yeah I put that on my family, all you gotta do is give me the chance
And I can show you that I'm worthy of the trust that you require
Put it all on my shoulders, I'm a fighter, I won't get tired
When I'm back up in this corner, back up in this corner, tryna get out
Back up in this corner, back up in this corner, gotta get out

It's my gameplan now
To get in this ring and show that I'm a changed man and how
I won't blow another chance to make you proud
Even though you got the right to hate me now
I know you lost your hope in me
But hopefully I can restore it back where it's supposed to be
I just want my daughter back, this fight means much more than that
I'm tryna think before I react, I ain't get the message at first
I tried to ignore the facts
But I'm much older, she's my soldier, I told you
I'd go to war for that
I said your boy is the truth and it's no lie in him
All he needs is his family with him
Y'all want him 'til it's no room given
I'ma hit him 'til the ref come and get him

So don't look at me like I am the same person I was before
We all deserve a second chance and this time I think I can do more
I'm better

~~End~~

ShaunyNews Twitter: @ShaunyNews
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
ShaunyNews Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ShaunyNews1/

We have choice about how a child’s life is shaped after ABUSE #HelpHere

12651273_10154690756664852_6112341430976731903_n

11057937_10154338472044852_1901245114676826891_nThis is a subject close to my heart. I had a good loving Childhood but many scars remain from things no little boy should have seen or was shown. I am disabled today by ‘what we think’ was from my Childhood. I have amazing parents, they are not the issue. I write about how Kids die in Wars, how kids are abused by ‘Alleged’ people in high places. This page when I seen it I couldn’t not share it, I had to share. You may have had a good childhood but please understand there are kids in the UK/Scotland/Wales/Ireland and all over our World suffering some form of abuse today. DO THE RIGHT THING AND TRY AND HELP THOSE KIDS. I plead for the human side of you to help be it in a big way or small, the deal should be ‘As long as we do help. Sadly many will walk right past this issue because they have never understood the pain we are trying to help. You need not understand the pain, just know it exists and YOU CAN HELP. Do the right thing, please.

You can sign the petition here: http://e-activist.com/

NSPCC: Facebook Page

itstimetotakeaction-cta

Every child should receive the right support and care after abuse. Far too many don’t.

Add your voice to our campaign
Together we can change this

NSPCC.ORG.UK <Click)

~~~~

ShaunyGibson Twitter: @ShaunyGibson
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ShaunyNews1/

This is how I defined my life. What about you? Please, share away!

19516e1cc11743180a5aaf45339e8d09Today like most days I awaken to the World around me. Taking less Dr’s Medication is almost killing me in terms of pain, but when I was taking huge amounts of Dihydrocodeine. Anatriptaline, Diazepam, Tramadol and Morphine I was living, life was just going too fast, between 4 hours of each medication I was so doped up it was untrue, these days my World has slowed down so much, but in a good way, moments last longer. Today I take 10% of the medication I used to take, 90% gone, and to say I have woken up is an understatement. I was lucky my partner and two sons, friends and some family were as decent as they were for sure. I desire to be a better partner, Dad, son, brother and friend, but on my terms. Someone said a while back “Why did these people stop talking to you” my reply today is “Through my choices” I remembered a World where families spoke to each other, people cared, people spoke, debate happened, a different World. I remember that World where people took effort to come and visit each other, it still happens in my life but only through choices I want to make, around me I see many families so torn it almost upsets me. My sons are 20+ early 20’s and the World they see around them has been their always, their life, a World they were born into. Today as a 42 year old adult I know so many people of my generation lost, alone or sad. Some are in pain, in-fact too many are in pain. But I have to understand because I reached out to understand my pain, amazing people reached back and my circle of choice has become in my control. People in my life, people I give time of day, people I see every day, every week, people I see always are people I want in my life. Nobody walked away from me, my disability made me see a different World, a World where love actually exists; there are no arguments, no sadness and no pain. affirmation-healthI live in pain so what I say above may seem ‘strange’ to the reader but I made my pain me and I it. I allowed my pain to be me, I became the pain and the pain tries to control me. Medicated I lost many people, but if they walked from me what have I lost? 😀 Really is that simple right? I know a World of people in pain, but a World where laughter and happy is. When I say I have no hate nor fear I mean it, not a lot scares me and I say ‘no to hate. If we live in hate, I am certain hate will kill us or we will die in hate only ever knowing hate. I seen so much hate in my life I just said “No more hate” and it worked, I don’t feel hate or fear, I smile through the pain because it’s my only option. Some didn’t believe I was so badly disabled and medicated but I have to say to myself “They had their own thoughts and own lives to life” So this is when I realized ‘choice’ was mine, and life got easier. BTTWI now see my two sons live with their partners and it’s a joy every day watching two young lads who were once my wee boys, the same age as my Daughter’s are now, just wee boys, both loved football and life was football for us all, my two son’s and partner, we did football for 10/11 years together and looking back it was amazing times. Sure I miss that life, but they are in a new life and so am I, with my 3 girls 1021bannerSo now fast forward to today and I am about to have so much amazing times with two little girls, both around 5 years old. I am seeing two babies turn from toddlers into little girls, soon they become young ladies, they will have questions, fears, difficulty understanding life around them. This is where we all step in. Grandparents, Uncles & Aunts and more so my partner and I and their two big brothers and their partners. We, you the reader and I, are by-products of our parents and upbringing, my two sons have happy and I smile as they are happy because my partner and I helped them become the happy they are today, now it’s time to help two wee girls grow into people who can decide and make their own life, because now they are totally dependent on all the people I mentioned above. I don’t know if this is the circle of life or what but I am loving my life these days. Always the pain knocks me down, every day I fall, but every day love picks me up. These days I am helping others to learn to walk in a direction too, but for now it’s knowing my son’s are good and if they need guidance when it comes, we will be here, my partner and I. We never stop being parents. Today as I font out loud in what is often a personal diary to the World to read. Always I am trying to become better, today I am imperfect but I aim to be as near to perfect as I can, but I won’t be perfect, nobody is in the cold realityseven_deadly_sins_by_suchanartist13-d6li7rlMany tell me “Shaun you give away too much on-line” The reality is I give nothing away online. What I am, who I am is for others to decide and define, they will do it regardless and I won’t. I stopped trying to define people, to understand hate is a tool to an unhappy life. All the bad things and good things brought us all too where we are in this moment. If you are smiling reading this, then you made it this far and you will go far. Life is so VERY EASY it is untrue. I don’t have it all figured out but through making every mistake a young lad and now an adult can make, I understand my World more. These were just my 4am thoughts to myself to read in 5 years from now, looking back smiling at reading how I was becoming a part of the World again. Quote 21I must say the journey so far has been amazing and I have so much good and happy to come it is untrue. Often I wish I hadn’t walked away from some family but I look around my World and I see why I did walk away. We have no gossip, hate, shit, crap. Just a disability to understand and medication we can point to and say “Never again”. When I say we, I mean my partner and I.

More love. Less hate

ShaunyGibson Twitter: @ShaunyGibson
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Stopping My Medication Progress – Family Walk Away From Our Ill’s

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We lose control of our minds often

Strange as it is, my brother from another Mother wrote exactly as I did at the same time here http://justusowls.com/2015/10/29/attention/ < 😀 #WOW! That is from my friend Eddie Tatro, an American Archbishop. I hate writing these blogs, reason I don’t do many but they allow me to look back in time and see where I was a week ago, month ago or a year ago, this helps me and even better it helps my old Dr who is a pain Dr and it helps others who have chronic illness, I am a guy who needs to help, I can’t hate or be selfish. September 7th was my last progress report HERE and I am almost off the worst Medication today. Morphine is an evil drug as it speaks and acts for you and you have no idea what you have done, like I say below, Family walked away from an ill Son/Brother/Cousin/Nephew/Friend/Whatever, but I don’t blame them, today I would ask them to understand the illness and medication were your enemy, not me, I suffered like you and I am aware people are worse off than me and also, sadly, people hold grudges for life often, not something I will do, I can’t, I don’t know how to hate or leave a loved one hanging. For many years, just in moments the medication acted and spoke for me. I am now able to help others in my group called Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Issues <Click) Anyone living the hell I once was is free to join my group where we are all trying to stand back up again, because of my journey I am now able to help others who are down and can’t get up. Keep in mind, to be pain is to know and understand a pain that exists in all our moments, tricking the brain can only be done so far, the rest you need a good loving partner and family and friends who seen me struggling and helped me stand up, I didn’t thank them, I would do the same for them, for me that is what family and friends do, we help each other stand back up.

UB40 – All I Want to Do (Lyric Video)
These lyrics pretty much sum up what I say here

It taught me hate but it taught me not to hate back, also it taught me to smile when hate was around or calling on me. Also, NOT 1 PERSON DIED IN THE CREATION OF THIS OR ANY BLOGS I DID, NOR DID ANYONE DIE FROM TEXTS OR EMAILS I SENT. But people did die and I am the bad guy? That one confuses a lot of my friends more than it does me, but please, no hate, just examples of human expression and how technology can bring us together or tear us apart, the written word is a mystery to the untrained eye who has not spoken to the voice of the font they read. Many I have not spoken to for a decade and more, yet they have me all sussed out and named me as what they will. This is life, happens to us all. Irony is the very same people who throw hate are hated themselves, but hate is choice, I choose not to hate, I choose to neglect hate, not feed it and ignore itsteve-jobs-quotes-1024x658 Because of my experiences with the Medication, family and friends I am now remembering what these vile Drugs were doing to not just me but people globally as you will see in the group from other people, there are 400 people all saying the same damn thing “Family walked away from me” So this was helpful to me in bad moments, I understood love more and today I am happy and the people in my life, people I visit, speak too, whoever and whatever are through my choice, losing sleep isn’t something I do over harsh words spoken behind me, people read font and take it badly but what I notice and learn is, with some I can only exist with them in the spoken word, font loses people. Of course people need to take Medication to live, for all my friends and people I met on my journey who stayed around and were decent, knowing I was a friend or family member just trying to stand up, I don’t need to thank you, again, we should expect loved ones to understand, sadly and if you read my Blogs on our World I am insignificant and so are you. Now my mind is clearer still I notice a few family members, and I can’t blame them, have walked away from me. Yet at the back of my mind I am thinking “If they had Cancer, would people walk away from them?” Because that is how it feels today. No hate 😀 The illness and medication actually has put me in a great place today as all the wrongs from yesterday make us happy today, if this is so then all the hurt was worth it and we should move on, I am, are you? I am trying my best to reach these few Family members I want in my life again and I will keep trying till we can all smile together again, sadly as you know if you read my blog, dysfunction, anger and hatred are stubborn words with human effects. Today all I can say to anyone I chased away is “Sorry” But please know I was and still am very ill and was very medicated, big deal! I just hate what moments have done to my family, people think they are oh so perfect, yet if you point me to a perfect person I point back and say ‘Liar’hqdefaultI don’t want sympathy, I just want a few members of family back, understanding, let it be said once then move on and live and have fun is my idea here. I was a bad lad when I was in my early 20’s, people I have not seen for 20 years still think I am that guy, so the different between me being a young criminal to an ill person highly medicated is the same, MUD STICKS and people who don’t see the human side to our suffering walk away, gossip and talk behind you. All I ask is if you can, pick up the phone or get out my life, a life I am smiling through these days with the help of my 2 wee girls who are 5 and 6 years old, 2 little barrels of joy that are helping me step back to MY reality and my choosing of whom is in my life, they have no idea how much they help me my kids, one day when I am an old man I might tell them. For Brothers and Sisters, to parents and uncles, cousins and all in-between, talk or walk, I lose no energy over hate. I say at the foot of most blogs “More love, less hate” And I do mean it. Often these days I am wondering if the illness has did this or has the World changed so much? I asked the question in the blog below.

I did this blog a week ago today: Today’s Disfunctional Family Unit <Click)

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The Hallucinations I was having over the last few months were fairly bad, looking up from your bed in agony as your body demands the poison and Blog 1seeing your sadly passed away Gran in-front of you is not pleasant let me assure you, am I red faced because of the things I said? Yes, do I lose sleep? No because I was not in control. I know many people with the same issues as me, and we always have fun and laugh, we NEVER talk about life in a bad way. I was told this morning, not in a bad way, but gently that I sent emails or texts a few years back to half my family, I have no idea I did this, I have no recollection of this event. I guess today with a clear mind and better moments and better today’s I am maybe, not angry at some people, I can’t find the right word for it. But I go back to what I said above “Would we walk away from a family member or friend with Cancer” Who were struggling? Hell no, sadly through life’s process’s my illness made me do things I had no idea I was doing. To say I am 100% clear would be a lie because I had a misunderstanding with a guy I love to bits last week, I was in bed screaming trying to hide life from my two little princess’s and it was a BAD MOMENT a moment I learnt that when I am in, I turn off the internet and hide my tablet and phone. We spoke and love was said. Down the right hand side of my blog is “Deliberate Donkey” <Click) I am the kid in the boat, I wrote that medicated but with the full knowledge of certain people I did ask before I wrote it, 1 person forgot, but it’s ok, events break us and events make us. An old wise guy I know and spoke to earlier today says to me a lot “I cry for Humanity” For many years I didn’t give it thought, as I grow old and because 80% of my blogs are about our World I understand the wise man’s words today. I learn every day, but if people don’t want me in their life then who loses? I have all I need right here, I am happy now in my Bubble. When we place ourselves in a private bubble, turn to love <Click) I actually wrote about this blog on March 13th 2013CHc0mFvWsAE5V5R

My partner reminds me of this

My partner reminds me of this “People listen to you Shaun” She tells me

See, because I write in moments like this about life I can go back and re-read how I was in other moments like here and know I am either recovering or regressing, either way what I have is for life but in a non-morbid way of thinking, we are all dying slowly right? Sadly Millions die slower, often over a lifetime, for these people I must share this, if you are not ill and don’t get this blog, please don’t reply and simply choose to walk away from it, we have choice in this life, I choose to be as open as I can with my life on here, in reality I share 10% of my life to the World, it just seems more. I am aware I did bad things and I am aware some bad things I did can never be forgotten so all I can do is try and make up for them. My partner reminds me always “Shaun, you were winning once and you can win again” She is my rock, my logic, my thoughts, my best friend and lover and she shows me things to prove her point so I wills share my partners meaning with you so you understand how gentle she is with me when I am not in a good way

I WON BEFORE! I am bottom left, my 2nd in commands hand on my shoulder

I WON BEFORE! I am bottom left, my 2nd in commands hand on my shoulder

Dr Alastair Dobbin: Dr Sheila Ross, PhD

Dr Alastair Dobbin: Dr Sheila Ross, PhD

This here I am writing 1st for myself also so I can let my Dr and ill friends or people who are on the ground read it, my old Dr gets useful information from it as it’s his job as a pain specialist to help others. We used to go to the big conference rooms in the Astley Ainslie Hospital with Dr Alastair Dobbin in Edinburgh and I would do Question and Answer sessions about how my pain came, how it destroyed me then made me again to 100 to 300 people at a time, this is his site and I am on it in Video if you look The Foundation for positive mental health

life-quoteThis is brilliant information for people who recently have been told they may die or will spend the rest of their lives in pain. What I have will kill me if I let it so it’s all about being honest with myself, writing freely and not caring who I offend or who is upset over internet font. The internet did 2 things to this World in my eyes, first it brought the World together in a great way, I speak to people from the USA to Australia and all in-between, the downside to technology like this is people read things wrong and the meaning is lost and hate happens, when in-fact all people can do is pick up a phone and ask “What did that mean?” But some still sit all angry and sad about things we write and share. This is my 2,570th blog today on ShaunyNews, I have done less than 100 blogs on this very subject. Often it seems to me I do it more, so I have to keep in mind I may have hurt people I love. But I ask again “Would we walk away from a family member we love who had Cancer?” Because it’s the same damn thing, it’s just different. People say “I don’t believe him/her” or “He/she is making it up” even “He/she is feeling sorry for himself” Well that is a fair comment against all of us who are an invisible disability, but stop for a second and ask why they say this. Yeah, we turn the coin around and we understand hate more. I am an expressive lad, tons of my family and friends love me for it but a FEW don’t. When I say a few, it may be more, but the FEW are the ones I would love to get a phone call from. AGAIN, NOBODY WAS HARMED, HURT, KILLED OR EVEN OFFENDED BY ANY OF THIS. People today are so selfish and wrapped up in their own pathetic lives they forget and in the end we see people sit at funerals crying tears of regret or “I should have said more” or “I could have helped more” In the end I call these tears guilt. If you read hatred from me today whilst reading you are the hatred, you are hate not me. I lost the ability to hate when life gave me things to love, when life made me understand the difference between a fool and a good person. I am 42 years old and I honestly feel like I was 18 years old yesterday and I woke up and am now an older guy 😀 It’s a very strange thing, I talked it with my Dr the other day and the Dr simply said “With the medication you were on, you had no control” This gave me a smile and a reason to try and re-connect to life, family and friends. But do be sure like you, I make decisions on who is in my life, as always it’s a 2 way street and today’s hating World makes it harder for us to understand each other, especially when we only read each other on Social Media I now call home instead of listening to a voice. An older relative and I found this out together only last week. I am reconnecting slowly with family and friends and soon I will have a surprise for myself, if others are surprised then so be it, for me, what is to come, I CAN’T WAIT!! x

Like you, I am just trying to live and fighting to live

Like you, I am just trying to live and fighting to live

More love, less hate

This is my blog banner, look down the right hand side of this blog, all blogs. Am I a hater?

This is my blog banner, look down the right hand side of this blog, all blogs. Am I a hater?

Shauny 

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Today’s Disfunctional Family Unit

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THIS WILL OPEN A BOX AGAINST THE NSA, PLEASE JUST CLOSE IT, IT’S A WORDPRESS THING. OK! Nobody freak out or hate me here 😀 This is my observations as a blogger, eyes open and as a 42 year old guy coming off strong Dr’s medication after 15 years and noticing the disfunction all around me, family and friends and I will wake up more for sure. At first I thought “Must just be my Family” then I thought “Must be a Scottish thing” So I went on a research binge and seen this is a Global thing. Sure some families do talk, but sadly the majority don’t. Religion for all it’s wrong’s can keep a family talking and functional, this is the only good purpose for Religion I have seen on my hunt for the 2015 answer to what I though was only my problem. Today people talk and say nothing, they walk and end up nowhere. We are almost robots 

Religious does this, not a bad thing

Religious does this, not a bad thing

Something happened to this World that allowed distrust and hatred to be seen in all our lives be it small and almost, just annoying to full on hatred within the family circle. I got a text from a family member over something I wrote about another person in my family, in-fact my whole family, no names and 30 year old images, and it was RAW HATRED. I am the kid in the link below “Beating and Drugs…” I still love this person to bits but they had forgotten that I actually had already spoke to ALL people in whatever the issue was about 2 years ago. I was going to write a book and have it half serious half fiction and this is a part of it here, and it has sat at the bottom of my blog for about a year now, below on the right you will see a Donkey, this is what I wrote in a friend Kim’s site:

t80qwmBEATINGS, DRUGS AND MORE THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD < That is my story I told 2 years ago, in a bad way, pain and HEAVILY medicated. Now I have my story so I share it on my page, you the reader are more than welcome to share your opinion here, or my ShaunyNews Facebook group or any other Social Media or even in private. Again, this is true to a point what I wrote. To be honest my Childhood is so cloudy and the medication I was on because of the Disability and M.E I have made me be unable to be truthful to the point I probably would like to have been. I wasn’t the only person in my family to suffer, many suffered, and we don’t talk, I try my best to say “Please, speak to me, I don’t hate you” But people all around the World are to damn unhappy to say “ok, maybe I was wrong” Because I am wrong DAILY and I put my hands in the air and say sorry!

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I then started Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Issues and it gave me and many others an outlet to talk openly or in private about depression, pain, anything Chronic. It’s a VERY small group and I want to keep it small for people who may be in a bad place to come to and get talked back to. I write to the World, not just Scotland so there are eyes on that page for any person in the World who has issues they are struggling with in a moment like we all do in all our lives.

pain-chain-5-728My Dad always told me “You are the one who always tries to get the Family together” But he knows, sadly why I gave up. I was lucky in the fact I was loved as a kid, I had amazing parents and today they both are helping me get off these pills. My Mum more as she lives not far away, as my Dad lives on an Island somewhere and both are happy with their partners. In my family, same as your family, an event happened, in-fact a few events happened, some brought us close, others split us up, one day a moment will come and bring us back together. I hope this for you too…

Always I say music helps me, just me personally, it changes brain patters and lessens the pain. We all have this outlet from our realities. I am in an amazing life now, people ask me how I can speak like that while being in pain 24/7 but I have my partner and 4 kids to live for. My 2 little princess are my reason for writing this and for trying to smile through a pain they say is worse than Aids, Cancer and other deathly diseases. I must admit I wasn’t too happy to be told this, not something I wanted or needed to know, now I have been told this I often wonder if the placebo effect has taken me 😀 We all have songs for different moods, today as I write this to the World and Scotland and my family, 1 song stands out like a sore thumb, I hope you have a song or an outlet. This song is not your usual Eminem song but today as I sit here happy writing this song makes sense to me. Banner 1 resizePlease find a reason for you to smile again, whoever this is aimed at, just know I can’t and won’t hate anyone, I find it impossible to give my two Daughters a row or raise my voice at them, strange thing for sure. So today with 2 older sons it is almost my partner and I again with 2 young kids as 1 son moved out and another is close to moving out, but this is all good, real good, it means my partner and I did a good job with our sons, they are happy and in love and as a parent this is all we look to do, so here are my partner and I again, with the wisdom of bringing up 2 kids again, only this time we have experience, my partner and I have not brought up little girls before and are still learning to be parents to 2 sons who have their own lives. We all learn, we all adapt, but all I ask is stop the hate and try. I will finish by saying I have been at many a funeral and seen tears of guilt, why we do this to ourselves as a species is beyond me. So do and say today what you would to a person in a way you would saying goodbye for ever. No regrets right? My blog page has EXPLODED and I have over 1.3 Million readers or hits in around a year, this is my new blog, it really is crazy, I am just some dumb Scottish guy

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More love, less hate..

Eminem – Mockingbird
Via: EminemVEVO on You Tube

Shauny

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