Chronic Pain Syndrome, Sleeping Patterns, Pain, God and much more!

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Anyone with Chronic Pain Syndrome should be able to understand here. Sleeping patterns, they are awful and just when you think you have found a routine to sleep, like a normal person, along comes the pain and leaves you in agony and unable to sleep

I go through this every week, for months, for years now, I am past making it annoy me I guess I have accepted it, but it still depresses me. I have not been told I am clinically depressed, some people just get depressed once in a while, happens to the best of us yeah?

I personally seem to go through a pattern of 4 days. An example of this week below

Sunday – Good sign, I was asleep just before midnight and up before 09:00 am!

Monday – Sleeping for 23:00 and awake at 07:30 with the kids = Superb

Tuesday – Fell asleep at 22:00 and was up and showered for 07:30 am all told

Wednesday – Fell asleep at 22:00 again, and was up with my Daughters at 08:00 am

Thursday – Tonight…………NOTHING

Friday – As I type it is 04:05 and I am in agony, tonight it is my left hip, it feels locked, it feels like I have a fracture or a break, I just can’t move it. So 1 Diazepam, 1 Dihydrocodeine and 1 Tramadol later and lashings of Voltaren Gel and the pain has reduced a whopping 10% or so

See this is just one of 100 things about Chronic Pain. The pain is the main show in town, but all these small side effects, issues due to pain and medication, or lack of medication, or too much medication, having to take more medication because of the medication you are on, sleep, making plans, going out for a meal for example is near on impossible for me, visiting family and friends, going to the shops, going to the bathroom, showering or bathing to getting dressed and all in-between are a REAL issue

So not only are you in pain, you are miserable due to all the things that come with this invisible disability people discriminate against every day, WHY? You ask. Well if you are not in a wheelchair coming out of your car in a disabled parking bay you are a cheat and lair to people watching on, yeah these sad people who are perfect and have a perfect life. I am joking of course, these people are so sad and miserable they go about pointing others issues out to distract from their own problems. Why is this relevant you ask, well it is because it is all part of the issue. Pain is the tip of a very big iceberg afloat at Sea for people with Chronic Pain, and tiny problems become monster problems

I would not wish this crap on my worst enemy, if I had an enemy. I don’t keep enemies, they can keep me, you are on your own, so I would not wish this on a Dog or a Cat or any other Animal. It is truly the most difficult way to live, especially when 99% of us had a pain free childhood, and knew a life where there was no pain, we could do anything, like anybody, but  the pain comes and it  is like all over body toothache. This is the best way I can describe this pain, all over body toothache feeling

It could be worse, and I know it could be, but right this second, I am done, I had a slight argument with an Admin on a cracking Social Media site tonight, and I think perhaps this played a part. As many with Chronic Pain will testify, a STUPID debate or one wrong word can set you off into the land of stress, sadly for us, Stress = more pain, then worrying about the pain leads to more pain, this in-turn leads to a depression type feeling, yeah, you got it, leading to more pain and due to one medication I have the memory of the stupidest goldfish in the class 🙂

I am on the path looking for God at the moment, and sadly times like this I ask “Why God” and I hear people say “God works in mysterious ways” or “It is Gods way of helping you become a better person” And if the truth be told, living like this gives you a sense of caring. But God, if you are listening. I care, I have learnt my lesson, I am done, can you please stop? Can you realise that I am not happy to learn this? I am not happy with this Mystery God.  I respect your ways God, I do, but not this way I don’t! 14 years of pain getting worse as I approach age 40. I have had enough God. No saying or religious meaning at this second will help me understand why you put me in all this pain. I am not a Buddhist that I know off. So please God, whatever your plan is for me, can I ask you re-think the plan? Because this is HELL to me. I talk to you, reach to you, I have done for many years, but the pain still comes. If you are trying to build my character, God I have character. Please, enough! I beg. Let me live with less pain so I can be a regular Husband and Father and go back to having some sort of life.

I don’t ask for much. In-fact I  don’t pray for much, this is a sick joke now, but that is the pain talking. I just want to be regular and normal and sleep like the rest of the inhabitants in the GMT -/+0 Time Zone. As things stand I am Australian one week, and from the West Coast of the USA the next with a hint of GMT time thrown in for good measure 😦

Please God

I am deeply sorry for anyone who suffer as I do, it blows

Iceberg

My competitive, but caring, loving edge, I need it to survive, PLEASE READ!!

To some this means NOTHING, to me it explains who I must be, and all I can be

To some this means NOTHING, to me it explains who I must be, and all I can be

 

PLEASE I ASK EVERYONE WHO FOLLOWS ME OR TALKS TO ME, READ THIS, PLEASE ! 

500 followers and 35 awards since the start of 2013. well there you go eh…

For me every follower, every award is like winning a Soccer trophy. Really PLEASE READ ON!!!

I am a competitive man, I have to be, it is my job, I get paid to win, and my job is to get 18 men and ask them all to battle and spill blood to win a game of Soccer. The level I manage at asks I do this. Many will say “That is a bit extreme” But it is the nature of being a Soccer Manager

Then I look above, 500 followers and 35 awards since the start of the year. Going through my 15 years as a Football Coach and Manager (Two different things) I have won close to 19 league titles and cup finals. I am a born winner, I sleep to succeed, then life came and took it away and left me in a shadow, in the dark, in pain, not knowing what to do. Then I fould EVERYONE READING THIS AND WHO FOLLOWS ME….Please read on

 

Even in AGONY every day of my life I drag my sorry ass up and I WIN, I tell myself “Just because you are disabled, does not mean you want pity, or to be treat different or be less of a person” I have to tell myself this every day, without that edge, I don’t think I would be here, truly, I am Blogging for peace, Blogging for Master Peace, an Admin on here for a help/idea section, I also help out with Playing for change http://playingforchange.com/ I can’t give any more of myself away, but truth be told, I would if I could. I happily give my free time to pray and hope for a better world. But this is my calling now, well since I found this place, I want fairness, listen to the Radio section below, what I was doing, calling cheats to task

See the pain makes you feel second hand, makes you feel old and used, different also. So to come here and get 35 awards is just staggering. I never meant to blog, it was a mistake. I snapped my left Hamstring 14 months ago, out of boredom I ended up on Twitter, within in 2 months I had 5,000 followers and was a regular on the Radio, debating with paid pundits, leading me to blog here today, everything happens for a reason? God works in mysterious ways?

Here:

 

Whatever I do, whenever I do it I give it my all because I have to, I started this blog to keep me breathing, I need people to know this. I shared my inner soul with people and helped people back, I can’t help it, and it is who I am. And I know one or two people will look at these followers and awards and start to dislike me, this is human nature and all too familiar to me.

When a person does something, and they do ok at it, Human nature dictates a small percentage will start to dislike that person. Don’t ask me why, or for what reasons, I can only speculate. But the very nature of my SOUL means being here, I need to help, I need to say “Are you ok” I need to ask “Is there anything I can do”

I would like to thank everyone, Word Press as a whole, and offer the award I created to everyone, and only ask they give it to 10 other people. This is the award here

Please take this and give it to 10 people. Thank you!

Please take this and give it to 10 people. Thank you!

 

I love this place, it arrived to me when I needed it, and you all came to my life when I needed you. I am going back to Soccer management. This is a HUGE deal to me. It is what I am. Some work, I can’t. Some play sport, I Can’t. Some go out every weekend for a meal and a drink, I can’t. Some have romantic weekends away with their partner, I can’t, some walk their dog, I can’t, some work out at the Gym, I can’t, I could go on and on, please, don’t feel sorry for me, I am ok, I will claw my way back to the top, where I come alive, where I need to be, where I can look myself in the mirror and not see a disabled useless bastard, as this is what I see some days, I am sorry for that remark, truly, but THIS IS HOW I FEEL! But I am changing that view, with YOUR HELP, Please, from my heart, mind and soul, I thank every one of you. I had a rough 4 years, stuff I have not shared with you all, I can’t. trust me it’s horrific, I need to move on from it

This place has opened my heart and mind and allowed me to breath again. And I would like to thank every single person who reads this, or has followed me, or has given me an award, or has helped me when I was down. Due to you all I am about to go and do what many take for granted. Live! I will be out there in the world, out of my safety bubble doing my thing

Thank you all for making this possible. You helped me, you saved me, you all saved me

Thank you. I am Shaun, no more, no less; I am what you see, who you talk to, who you debate with.

Without Word Press and all you, I hate to think where I may be right now. Thanks to you I found something in myself, I found a new me, the new me. People take the ability to live for granted, I don’t. I treasure EVERY SECOND I am doing something you can, if you can, I am heading back the world that I almost got scared about, I almost stopped wanting to go out, the last 4 years killed me, the pain killed me, an EVENT killed me, but we had two Daughters and I seen some light, and I ran, sorry, hobbled to it and now I am grabbing or it, I won’t take me eye from this light, never again. For others still looking for that light, I will always be here to help you find it, as others proved to me it is there for anyone who wants it

I know many are like me, and the great thing is, you will all understand what I am saying here.

Again, thank you!

Worst pain ever today……

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I get pain all over my body, sometimes my knee, sometimes my shoulders, sometimes my hips, sometimes my ankles, even my feet, and many other places. Today it is lower back

I awoke and could walk, but every step was like an electric shock to the area, the pain was 10/10 I was in agony. I called my GP he just said “Take more pills, and use more gel on the area” So I did, and it took 20% of the pain away.

Lower back pain for me can be the worst of all pains, as that one area makes it hard for all your other joints to move properly. The cause is the way I slept last night, people usually sleep in one way, I slept in an almost foetal position, and I am told not to by the pain experts, but when asleep, you are not aware of how you will end up sleeping

Does me no good!

Does me no good!

When I do sleep like this, it is feels like my lower back has fused and I can’t straighten up, and today, I spent 3 or 4 hours in agony after I awoke, trying to just relax whatever it was that needed relaxing. Even now, it is still sore, it was that sore leaning forward to drink a cup of tea hurt my back and my neck. This is Chronic Pain, I wouldn’t wish it on an enemy, if I had one, it is degrading and horrible and days like this I just want to stay asleep, as when asleep, there is no pain, and I did for a while, I just went back to bed and the pain and medication knocked me out

I just hate it, it sucks, its shit, it’s more that agony; I don’t have a word for this pain. Today is a day I needed to be somewhere and do something’s, and I couldn’t, so I let people down, and that brings guilt, but I was reminded by everyone and their dog’s today “It isn’t your fault

I promised myself I wouldn’t give into this bastard pain, and try and live normal, today?

Shaun 0-1 Pain

I lost. I had no choice, I just gave in. And as I sit here, I ask, is there more to come? Is the pain going to get worse? Is this for me? Or do I do what I preach and fight, do I lift myself up in agony and go, do I say “No” and just keep going? I am a fighter, give me a fight and I will win, it is in my nature. Today I lost, and that hurts my pride, but makes me want to fight harder to try and find ways to stop this pain.

I promise myself right now, I am not taking this, I won’t give up, I will fight, and I will do as I tell others. But today was awful. Really bad, and it’s days like this I wish I did not over do sport when I was 21 and younger, when I remember all my coaches from Soccer to Boxing telling me “Take it easy” I used to run, no, sprint up hills, I used to do extra soccer practice, I stayed behind in the gym and did extra in the ring with my coach, who was the Scottish Middleweight champion  at the time. And even he said “Take it easy tiger”

I should have listened.

So if you are the same, you pushing yourself too far, to fast, to hard? Stop, please. It does come back to hit you, hard.

Slow down tiger

Slow down tiger

Shaun 

To anyone giving up on life, a message

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Sometimes in life we stuggle to find the right words, or the right way to say things. So I often use music as a form of expression. Music for me is a universal tool for healing us

In this blog I am sharing two videos. I did a blog earlier about my son, and how letting go is hard, and how bringing a kid up can be hard, although enjoyable. The top video is for him and anyone else who thinks the world is due them a living, or is thinking of giving up

The second video is me. I am a Football (Soccer) manager, and I like to inspire people to run harder, to fight harder, to live stronger, to keep breathing, to never give up, never let people say “No you can’t” I like a fighter. Sometimes I am LOW. But I fight my way back from the dark, and into the light. If I demand it from others, I first have to demad it from myself.

These two videos are for anyone who is thinking of giving in, or wants to take what they have and settle. Be better, climb higher, be all you can. I can’t be that due to my pain, but I push myself so hard I hurt myself, nothing will change. I keep going. I was born to fight. I don’t want thanks or praise, I want people to fight and say “I can” and “I will” not “I may” or “I might” We all fight…

..And so do you!!

Video 1.

Video 2.

Keep on Keeping on

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John Lennon – Quote

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What is inspiration (Video and Words)

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If you know me as a person or just a blogger, or someone you just read, you will know some things, I love inspiration and winning, but not at any cost. I also love to love and live to learn, sometimes the smallest things can touch my heart, sometimes my heart can touch the biggest things, it’s a two way street. Inspiration comes in many forms, from pride, to a child’s smile, from your partners hug, to a video you seen, or a song, or a blog and a poet and all in-between

I have blogged about pain and suffering and all the bad things, I have also blogged in the hope I can inspire one person, make one person feel better, I don’t do pissing contests with the world, I don’t compete with myself to say I am better, I try  to be equal an make myself fit in

But there is a streak in me that wants’ to life other people up, I have always had it and I know not where it comes from, or maybe I do, I just have not noticed.

Many things in life inspire me, from a picture of a butterfly to a sporting moment to reading about love to listening about hope.  I am neither bigger or better not smaller or weaker. This is Shaun.

I blog because I want to change the world, I can’t change the world, but if I can change one person in the world, then my life was worth living. These are the values I try and live by

Below is a video that I was sent by a friend, and it gave me Goosebumps and inspired me to do this blog. Because life is about getting back up, it is about facing your fears. Some hide away, and die alone; they need not do this, as there is a path and a place for everyone

Enjoy the video and I hope it lifted you as it did me

Why having fun is important

Myself and my oldest daughter a year or so ago

Myself and my oldest daughter a year or so ago

My second blog today, the 1st one was called “Men” and it was ok, it was spontaneous, this one isn’t, I am putting thought into this one (Honest)

My spelling today has been AWFUL but I am glad the spelling police don’t do the round in these here parts. This blog is about why having fun, like me, and others I have spoken tonight have said, refusing to grow up

There is no rule book on growing up. Being mature as a partner and parent yeah, but on being a person, no there are no rules. I am so goofy it is unreal, I could tell stories all night about things I do and tricks I play, but this would become an Audio book, really, fun is a large part of my life

Sometimes I read other blogs and I get the feeling some take life a bit too serious. Sometimes you or anyone could read my blogs and say “This dude takes his shit to serious” Nonsense; I just ramble on till stuff makes sense. I had a good a laugh tonight with a good friend on here about her blog on “Dreams” and that is what it is all about.

Saying things that others will only think is what I am all about. I don’t mean to be rude, I just am Scottish, and as a Scotsman (I don’t drink by the way) we (well most) have a really strange sense of humour, me, I laugh at all sorts.

I will be honest, and this is a true story, I was on a bus once, and an old woman rang the “Let me off the bus” bell, and she stood there with her cake hat and scone shoes on, this little old woman with a bag. The bus stopped, the door opened, she spun around the pole and fell out. From where I was sitting I honest to God about shit myself laughing. NOW!! Don’t get me wrong, I got up right away and helped the old woman, she was fine and found the funny side of it herself, I got back on the bus and cried all the way home in tears of laughter. This was funny, even now picturing it in my head, I laugh. She was fine, she laughed also, but not as hard or as long as I did

So cheer up, laugh, even when life throws bricks at you, sure have your troubled moment, or blog it, like I do, but compose yourself and laugh, I do. I have a wicked sense of humour. And being new here, I am trying to still find the “Humour Line” as not everyone will see what I find funny, funny! Some will find it offensive or rude.

Answer to that one? Tough!

I am me, in all forms and in all the ways I can be. I hate when the world takes itself to serious and people get all serious over matters and debates. Debate is debate.

But when all is said and done, we laugh, we refuse to grow, and we have fun

Please join me in laughter and if you like fun, please follow me. And let’s all fun together.

Shaun 🙂

Funny Pictures of Cats and Kittens

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This about killed me!

This about killed me!

A funny song by the funniest man alive…

Billy Connolly, one of the funniest Scotsman alive.  🙂

An AUDIO blog on life “Moments”

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This is an AUDIO blog about my last three blogs. It is about “Moments” in life. Moments can be related to everyone in a different way. Watching the birth of kids were “Moments” My 1st kiss with my partner was a “Moment” Watching my two sons start work as young men were “Moments” Watching my two girls, my wee princess’s grow, give me moments.

What are your moments?  Some of the pictures in this video are of my family and my moments and some random funnies. I hope you enjoy

Please listen.

ShaunGibson1888 to Skype me

Shauny1973@hotmail.com – Email

Shaun x

To the Woman of my dreams, I love you x

My Partner when she was a model. 4/5 years ago now

My Partner when she was a model. 4/5 years ago now

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My life is brilliant.My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I’m sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won’t lose no sleep on that,
‘Cause I’ve got a plan.You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.

Yes, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was
Fucking high
And I don’t think that I’ll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last ’til the end.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it’s time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It’s strange what desire will make foolish people do
I’d never dreamed that I’d meet somebody like you
I’d never dreamed that I’d lose somebody like you

No I don’t want to fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)
No I don’t want to fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)
With you
With you (this girl is only gonna break your heart)

What a wicked game you played to make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do to let me dream of you
What a wicked thing to say you never felt this way
What a wicked thing to do to make me dream of you

And I don’t want to fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)
No I don’t want to fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)
With you

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It’s strange what desire will make foolish people do
I’d never dreamed that I’d love somebody like you
I’d never dreamed that I’d lose somebody like you

No I don’t want to fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)
No I don’t want to fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)
With you (this girl is only gonna break your heart)
With you (this girl is only gonna break your heart)

No I…(this girl is only gonna break your heart)
(This girl is only gonna break your heart)

The Rock in my life