So, recovery is the title, and it’s a slight lie. Today, 19th August 2018 I am in a slightly better place than I was when I wrote this for example. Finally in the ‘Mental Health’ System – LONG, HARD, ROAD AHEAD – I SEE HOPE!
That blog above was my last blog about these issues we all suffer from, be it us or other we love or call friends. The last blog I done regarding our shared mental health issues, pain, suffering, depression, whatever is holding us all back is something I used to share every day. I had this belief that ‘Talking out is helping’ – The more I awaken from the mental distress I caused others via taking less Opiate based drugs, the more I see clearly that some of the things I did write over the years all the way back to 2011 were voices I had no control over. For me to sit and read my own words back shows me how awful I was. But like most I am not cured, I am not out of the woods. I think I have came to accept what is wrong with me, but more important, learnt to not throw my issues onto those I love. After all, we ALL have a Recovery story don’t we?
James Arthur – Recovery
Via: James Arthur on You Tube
Along my journey I have become a soldier of war same as most, fighting for my Partner, my kids and other loved ones. What I see today is a FAMILY OF PEOPLE WHO CARE. Recently I was invited to start doing a Podcast on Football by 2 amazing lads. The Podcast is about Celtic FC and it’s called the Pod Black Brimmer. Spreaker and Itunes by the way 🙂 The UTTER abuse thrown at me from loved ones and friends here in Edinburgh for being part of a Podcast with THAT title is funny to be fair, but I am clever enough to understand, won’t stop me doing the podcast however 😀 I love my Celtic. Those who know me know I don’t hate, I am an Edinburgh lad exposed to the same life we all have been exposed too just in a different place, but to the 2 lads Brian and Davie who gave me a chance to show myself I can sit in my Man-Cave alone and talk Football, I can’t thank them enough. I suffer with 6 Disabilities, Suicidal thoughts, M.E. (Myalgic Mencephalomyelitis) + Fibromyalgia + PTSD + Agoraphobia and Psychosis and yeah IT’S HARD and the medication is harmful, but we must take these tablets and potions to stay level, do I agree with drug consumption to help us? Not really, but I don’t drink Alcohol. I see Alcohol as a legal, socially acceptable way to lose the feelings we feel, so each to their own, I just see Alcohol as a damaging liquid, just an observation through my own journey. I am not a scared person, I am aware these issues make me honest to a level I could be harmful to others, I cannot control these feelings, so I MANAGE my life along with my Amazing partner who I have known since age 14 and been with since age 17, she is my everything, my rock ❤ I don’t do these Podcasts or blogs to be a wee Snowflake or feel all special, no, it’s me sitting in a room alone talking about what I loved to do, and miss still to this day, Football, yeah I miss the Touchline, changing room, the chance to be social and all that comes with working with kids and adults in Football. NOTHING in Football can be done alone, it’s a Team game, no matter what your involvement is, you need others to carry and help you along the way. So I MUST thank Brian and Davie for noticing I was ready, and also everyone who loves me and who I love back x
Before we can even start to recover to a state of existence, first we MUST find reason. For me personally my reasons were easy. My Kids, my beautiful amazing partner, my Mum, Sisters, Brother, nieces and nephews with others and definitely friends. Lads I have known since I was a kid when my Dad used to run businesses and shops all over Edinburgh, all older than me, lol. Most of my Friends are older than me, so rooond you all, it’s great to be the youngest 😀 They all rip me brilliantly, make fun of me, but I do the same to them, IT’S A HEALTHY THING, and if any of you are reading. Do Remember!! One: Clerry Jungle and Two: Yous are Dicks 😀 Joking aside, my reasons were as simple as yours, because I know YOU struggle sometimes too. The game of Life is very simple for me. I say ‘LIFE IS HARD – SO DON’T MAKE IT WORSE FOR YOURSELF’ – Personally I believe if we start there with that saying, it’s a good start, we ain’t making things worse.
Linkin Park – Somewhere I Belong
Via: Linkin Park on You Tube
Sadly like you I suffer. The pain is horrific and my mind has thoughts I have to battle every moment. Managing THIS I can’t do alone. First and foremost my partner has helped me, guided me, taught me and keeps doing so. My 2 sons too help me, 2 amazing lads who are amazing men with loving partners and are Dads themselves with two little kids, a wee boy and a wee girl just waiting on their GAGA to jump into their lives. When the time is right, life will allow it, I pray this is true. The harm and hurt I have caused others is an issue I must get past and find a way to find hope and live. Suicide is a thought, also an act, but first a living breathing thought.
Depression #FuckDepression!!! is a darkness most have, some higher than others, but suffering is suffering. I used to think I had it worse, but I was 32 or something then 😀 Here I am just turned 45 and I have found ‘Comfort in Home’ has been a huge thing for me, the only down side is due to my Disabilities, like you, like anyone, our home can become a comfort zone we don’t want to escape. Recently I restarted singing lessons to start a Chester Bennington Tribute act and it’s on hold for a few months due to circumstances, but I can’t wait to get back to the freedom of Music. Look down the right hand side of this page, songs and images. Music saves us, it unites our souls where we can co-exist on ANY LEVEL. With UTTER RESPECT Politics, Politicians, Religion, Sport and the WORST CULPRIT! Money, that divides us. We do need money, but if all we are doing is chasing Money and the NEED to consume with money, all we are doing is buying moments of happiness. Trust me, I am an expert at this 😀 For now that is it. I am no harm, how can I be with two little Girls who call me Daddy around me? How can I be anything other than my Daughters best friend, because I am, we are pals, we laugh, we cry, we sing. They are my first reason. Two little fun girls who don’t know they saved me, and might never know. Again, and I say this on Facebook a lot, why don’t we listen to our Kids more. Even if you don’t have kids, go and spend time with the blank canvas that a child can be, an innocence so amazing it can only be loving fun.
Often in life our very saving Grace can be right in-front of us. All we need to do is listen, and we can be helped. Not saved or cured, just helped. That is my story, I don’t want notoriety or hits, nor do I need to be liked by anyone, I am loved and liked by people already, but do feel free to become a friend, I find it hard to let people in, but so do you maybe? Trust must be earned. So I am reaching out, if you want to reach back, I am here. Be kind to others, and please remember to include yourself friends, be kind to you too x
Chester Bennington – One More light
Linkin Park on You Tube