Can I just say this blog came about because I know someone who took their own life. She is gone, we move on. I hardly knew her. Sad, but I did this for her family I guess
Name of the blog, “What is he talking about now” I hear you think. Well one day, not long ago, I stopped believing in life, I gave up. I packed my cases, had the pen in my hand and a piece of paper in front of me, ready to write the last letter I was ever going to write. The pain had won the battle, and my mind and body had told me to call it a day. I was done, turn me over so to speak
A selfish place, a place so dark, you can feel evil through the darkness in your mind. I was there, I was close, I don’t know what stopped me taking my own life, and I have no idea. But then family and CLOSE friends, long before I did any blog anywhere 2 year ago, seen I was close to saying my goodbye’s to them. I was finished, my life at age 35 or so, was over for me, my dreams had gone, my wanting to succeed was gone, my get up and go, got up and left, I was empty, I needed filled, bit did not know what was to fill me. I was at the end, my time was close and I was happy to do this. My friends and what I am about to share clawed me back from the abyss
Then something happened to me. I can’t explain it in words, but hope came to me. An event happened, a small event in the Grand scheme of things, but for me, a life changer.
Here is her 1st photo
My Daughter Courtney seconds after being born, she is 4 soon.
From that day, I found hope. The pain was still there. For me hope came in the form of love for my kid, and 15 months later, hope came when her little sister came along. Chloe
These 2 little people aged 2 and 3 now, soon to be 3 and 4 in May and July surged hope through my body, they changed me in ways they will never know. They showed me TRUE love without knowing it; they gave me love without ever knowing it. One day I will tell them half this story, but these 2 little bundled of joy gave me back my fight, a passion I can’t explain, something to live for would be obvious to say, but sometimes when you are low, NOTHING will pick you up, I was blessed and lucky
3 years on, here I am, blogging for 3 different groups after a year of blogging and Radio in the name of Soccer (UK, Football) in an environment I didn’t really like, but I felt at home, almost a family feel to what I was doing. But that ended and I came here, and I made an award yesterday, I blog for “Bloggers for Peace” and another site about peace also. Peace and love have entered my fingertips and these blogs, good or bad, just flow with love, understanding and hope now, with obvious love as well. I care now, before I didn’t, now I care to much. There is a saying “You can help others that often you leave yourself exposed” and trust me this is true, so finding a happy medium with yourself is crucial, I found it, with help
Word Press family Award. Anyone PLEASE, take this award and give it to 10 people, many here have given me advice and advice I have given back, this is no gimik, I mean it, and over 500 people have had this award at last count in less than a day, so thank you all, I hope more join this unique family of caring souls
I often wonder how many people wrote that note and left loved ones wondering why, I often wonder what these loved ones were left thinking. Did they blame themselves, who did it affect and what happened? As I was close, I am not shy to share this as you can see, I MUST share this. I may save a life, I may not, but I have to try, it is what we do here. I decided to “Blog for change” and “Blog for peace” as well as “Blog for hope” and am now in a place where doors are opening for me in places I could only have dreamt about a year or so ago. I wrote before, and lessons I learnt, when you are doing well, and you are doing things right, don’t change, keep your feet on the ground, and I do realise the darkness may creep back to me, my feet are glued to the ground here, today’s smile may be tomorrow’s sorrow, we all share this common feeling, I believe so anyway, so why do I write this?
Why? Because right now, somewhere on earth, someone will be sitting with a pen in their hand with a bit of paper in front of them preparing to leave the good Earth
My message is simple, don’t give in. Don’t stop believing something or someone will enter your life and pull you back from the brink of self destruction. If you are reading this, and YOU are in this place, PLEASE, for the love of God, reach out to someone, speak to someone, tell someone, blog it, do something. Don’t write “That letter” write “THIS” letter
I beg you.
From someone who was on the edge, who came close, don’t stop believing. Word Press came along and changed me also, people care here. Maybe they pretend, so what, they try, they take a second to say “You ok” or “You will be ok” I have had this said to me, and said it to many people.
This is for you, and all I wrote above, I have never self harmed, but I was close, it was a cry for help. Something happened last night involving a friend of a friend I heard this morning, so this is why I write this blog. I didn’t know the person, but they had a pen and paper and wrote the note. And nobody noticed like they did with me.
Life will throw you to the floor and stand on you if you let it, sometimes we have got to throw life away from us and stand up and push back. I did, so can you………
I did this blog to begin with, to reach out, hoping people would reach back, and WOW they did, some of you took me off life support. I can’t thank some of you enough.
Sadly some don’t have this support. The story I heard this morning, this person was alone, with no support, now they are a statistic