Dying Inside

After doing this blog here “Suicide is not always a ‘One-off-Act’ – It’s a living thought for People “ I got a few ‘Gossips’ from people who ‘should know better’, but also nothing from people I expect to be at our side, our being ‘Me and mine’ – When someone lives with Suicidal thoughts and a whole host of other issues like M.E. (Myalgic Mencephalomyelitis) + Fibromyalgia + PTSD and Psychosis, like I do, they want to die, I want to die, but I have reasons to live more important than myself, but I would love HELP to take the burden away from loved ones who watch me suffer, we don’t want sympathy or ‘What a shame’ and I hate this I get a lot ‘I feel sorry for you Shaun, you been through too much for someone so young”, yeah that tires your soul out that one. Sadly people I know say things like “That stupid fucking blog that Shaun does” But that’s it, they DON’T HELP THE PEOPLE AROUND ME WHO SUFFER BECAUSE OF MY ILLNESS. This is not about me. Think who hurts when one is watching another die, slowly or fast, it makes no fucking difference. This World is horrible, I am suicidal, but I will MAN UP as people say about me. But it is fucking hard to take the next step, the next breath. 5am, been up for a day and a half, pain is like death, my mind is scrambled and tied to the moon. Yet people who claim to ‘Love me’ are reading SOMETHING ELSE HERE, or wishing they had a voice? #NEWSFLASH, you do have a voice. Use it or shut the fuck up. I am aware there are people FAR WORSE than myself, but this is hard, every moment is ‘How can I kill myself’, but here I am, for now anyway. Regret is ONLY regret AFTER the event ❤ Peace

~~~

♫ Dying Inside ♫
Via Shaun Gibson on You Tube

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MORE LOVE, LESS HATE

blogger-for-peace-van-2

BLOGGERS FOR PEACE AND SANITY

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

Shaun Gibson Twitter: @ShaunyScot
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Shaun Celtic FC Twitter: @ShaunyCeltic

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS - THIS REPRESENTS 'BETTER' FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS – THIS REPRESENTS ‘BETTER’ FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

 

 

 

White America !!!

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Hitler wanted a ‘White World’, an Aryan Race’, he was stopped. America is forcing it upon themselves without even knowing it. History DOES repeat, and we sit back and watch it with popcorn on our Ipads. Careful World, we about to time travel. The Flux Capacitor just needs some plutonium……..

MORE LOVE, LESS HATE

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

Shaun Gibson Twitter: @ShaunyScot
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Shaun Celtic FC Twitter: @ShaunyCeltic

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS - THIS REPRESENTS 'BETTER' FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS – THIS REPRESENTS ‘BETTER’ FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

 

♪ WOULD YOU ALMOST KILL YOURSELF TO STAY ALIVE?♫

It's a fake gun, relax

It’s a fake gun, relax. It’s the eyes I am going for

Above my blog are 3 pages, one is Living with CPS/Fibro and M.E. – 3 Disabilities I hope I can help others, that is all. When we have to put ourselves in a bubble and ignore almost everyone, it’s for good reason usually. Sadly others see it different, because some STILL want to name me and put a name on me as well as define me, this is the only way I can try and speak back. I can’t do ‘Going out’ much these days. I am making myself a monster so I can get into THAT ROOM, the room in the 3 links below. I just spent another hard morning doing Boxing work with a hairline fracture on my right ankle and damage to my left hand. Always I look to be inspired by things be them images or music, these are the only two things boxing will help you with. A famous fighter once said “Boxing is the Loneliest training or sport on Earth” I have that on my wall with other images to help me, and boy was he correct. I was a boxer as a kid, not allowed to fight by my Dad who maybe didn’t want me to go that road? I have no idea, he said “You can’t protect yourself” and I thought I did, this was 30 years ago now, so we laugh about it today my Dad and I as he calls me asking how I am doing with this fight for lifequote-Frank-Bruno-boxing-is-the-toughest-and-loneliest-sport-82019

The video below sadly I couldn’t find the lyrics video for so hit play on the video then scroll down to the lyrics. Who can identify with these lyrics? I can for sure, they make utter sense. Today I went into THAT ROOM for many people, the list is long and I am at the bottom, I can’t do this for myself, it has to be for others. I have added more pictures to my wall, and when I am screaming in pain, dulled by the music I have blasting out I know I am not alone. Many of us have a battle right? Mine is to live longer, that is it man, I can’t define it any better. I do feel lonely, I am having to decline offers to be places or go places because what I am doing I have to FIND HATE! And I don’t do hate, in my mind I MUST find a reason to keep doing what I am doing in a pain I have never felt before. The pain is dull, very deep and doesn’t go away. So when I am in that room I change my thinking to where I need to put it, then I have to start thinking about my Daughters and others before I finish and leave THAT ROOM. 7 weeks in and my body is starting to tighten, I feel the effects. I have to beat this, the rest is just BULLSHIT # The Reality Of Blogging. We shout over each other, it’s 8ull$h1t <# My thoughts on Blogging at the end of 2015

A Song To My Family

1st Report for my Gym/Boxing work. As I fight for life

2nd Report for my Gym/Boxing work. As I fight for life in agony

March 5th 2013: When we place ourselves in a private bubble, turn to love

~~~

DeNauN-This Corner
Via ShadyRecords on You Tube – LYRICS BELOW

[Intro]

Hey look let me tell y'all somethin' alright?
What I do, I do
Straight like that
So ain't no sense in y'all troublin' yourselves over that
'Cause man the way I feel right now today

I came up on the wrong side of the fence
I gave my family pain and strife and asked them all for strength
But hell in my defence
And I got too much way too fast
My mama told me it won't last
Now I'm back down on the bottom
Wishin' that I took another path
I should've listened
But my mind was gone
My temper too quick so when my fuse get lit so when it's on, it's on
Yeah, everybody wrong
Yeah, and I'm always right
Yeah, ain't nobody to blame now
It's me vs. Me, man, this my fight

So don't look at me like I am the same person I was before
We all deserve a second chance and this time I think I can do more
I'm better

Yeah I put that on my family, all you gotta do is give me the chance
And I can show you that I'm worthy of the trust that you require
Put it all on my shoulders, I'm a fighter, I won't get tired
When I'm back up in this corner, back up in this corner, tryna get out
Back up in this corner, back up in this corner, gotta get out

You think I got none but I got all kind of sense
Stop judgin' my book by the cover
Maybe you should do a little recounting since
I ain't tryna vent, this ain't what was me
It's nothing owed to me
Get the swan song, I don't need an ode to me
Shit hopefully holdin' this rosary'll keep me out of close calls with 
the O police
I said I'm tryna be a whole new me
I ain't tryna do the same old thing
I'm tryna prove to my family that I will not bring
No more trouble around, I ain't gotta do nothing
But stay out of shit, I ain't gotta be up in the chaotic
Prolly 'cause it's my redemption that I'm entrenched in
And I won't let anybody deny my vision, it's my decision
But y'all ain't listenin'

So don't look at me like I am the same person I was before
We all deserve a second chance and this time I think I can do more
I'm better

Yeah I put that on my family, all you gotta do is give me the chance
And I can show you that I'm worthy of the trust that you require
Put it all on my shoulders, I'm a fighter, I won't get tired
When I'm back up in this corner, back up in this corner, tryna get out
Back up in this corner, back up in this corner, gotta get out

It's my gameplan now
To get in this ring and show that I'm a changed man and how
I won't blow another chance to make you proud
Even though you got the right to hate me now
I know you lost your hope in me
But hopefully I can restore it back where it's supposed to be
I just want my daughter back, this fight means much more than that
I'm tryna think before I react, I ain't get the message at first
I tried to ignore the facts
But I'm much older, she's my soldier, I told you
I'd go to war for that
I said your boy is the truth and it's no lie in him
All he needs is his family with him
Y'all want him 'til it's no room given
I'ma hit him 'til the ref come and get him

So don't look at me like I am the same person I was before
We all deserve a second chance and this time I think I can do more
I'm better

~~End~~

ShaunyNews Twitter: @ShaunyNews
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
ShaunyNews Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ShaunyNews1/

Scottish Town in mourning – tragic five-year-old Scott Chirashi – found dead after suffering ‘significant injury’

Smiling Scott in his P1 class at Alva Primary School

Smiling Scott in his P1 class at Alva Primary School

NEIGHBOURS and friends yesterday paid tearful tribute to a five-year-old schoolboy found dead at his home. Scott Chirashi’s body was found by police on Friday at his home in Alva, Clackmannanshire, having suffered “a significant injury”. His mother Farai, 32, is due to appear in court tomorrow in connection with his death. Scott’s sister was also found in the house in the town’s Carnaughton Place.

All day yesterday a stream of neighbours left flowers and soft toys outside the house in tribute to the tragic youngster. Farai, originally from Zimbabwe, had lived in Alva for several years. She moved to Carnaughton Place around six months ago with her family, including Scott’s father, named locally as Tichakunda. Devastated neighbour Chigozie Ononiwu, a Nigerian IT worker, said Scott was in the same class as his son at Alva Primary School.

Scott Chirashi, centre, at a holiday club at the local church

Scott Chirashi, centre, at a holiday club at the local church

He added: “I cried when I heard what had happened to Scott. “He was a lovely little boy and was due to come over to our house this weekend. “My own son is very upset. This is a very difficult thing to have to explain to him.”

One local mother, who asked not to be named, left several lit several candles at a makeshift shrine outside the house. She said: “Scott was in my son’s class. He was very popular and had a great personality. “Everyone liked him. He had such a lovely smile. It is heartbreaking.”

At times like this I guess we all question God. His family will be looked after, people like me will make sure they want for nothing and get all the support they need

At times like this I guess we all question God. His family will be looked after, people like me will make sure they want for nothing and get all the support they need

Postman David Gibson said Scott used to wave to him when he was delivering the mail. He added: “The family only moved in a few months ago. I didn’t really know them but this is shocking nevertheless. “Everyone tells me they were such a nice family.”

One teddy bear tribute left yesterday held a note with the words: “Dear God, Why???”

Flowers left by Alva Bowling Club had the message: “Sleep well, little one.” The Chirashi family were all members at Alva Baptist Church. Last night a friend of Farai’s from university said she was shocked to hear of Scott’s death. She said: “Farai loved her children so much.

Scott plays at the holiday club

Scott plays at the holiday club

“There was a group of four of us from Zimbabwe who became close at Stirling University. We met in 2006 and she was doing a general nursing degree. “She had to graduate at a different time from the rest of us because she had problems with childcare as her husband was working in Glasgow. “Her family was from Harare and after her dad died she looked after her mum for a while. “When her sister died in 2008, she tried to adopt her sister’s daughter. She loved her children.

Forensic experts comb the scene where flowers and teddy bear tributes were placed by friends and neighbours

Forensic experts comb the scene where flowers and teddy bear tributes were placed by friends and neighbours

“She had lived in Botswana for a while with her husband before coming to Scotland. “During university she was in my house just about every day because she lived in Alva and I was closer to campus. “I know she loved that boy so much, I can’t believe it.” Yesterday afternoon a team of forensic officers combed the house for clues to Scott’s death. Emergency services had raced to the house at 8.50am on Friday. Scott was declared dead at the scene. Police have revealed that the youngster had a “significant injury “ to his body.

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How the Scottish Media reported this tragic event below, the 2nd such incident to hit Scotland in a year after the Death of Edinburgh kid Mikaeel Kular https://acenewsdesk.wordpress.com/?s=Mikaeel+Kular+  We don’t have these things here so we don’t take it well. The police here don’t take it well. This was the police telling the media and people like my sons who were searching for Mikaeel below, at 18 seconds in you can hear people start to cry, Scotland as I say doesn’t have this happen, we don’t have these ways. So we take it VERY hard. Today Scotland mourns young Scott Chirashi and we wish he ‘Rest’s in Peace with God’ We don’t understand this in Scotland, we don’t get it. We are always there to support. Below in the video, my 2 sons and thousands more spent 3 days looking for Mikaeel, you can hear and see the utter sadness as the policeman says “Discovered the body of a young boy” And today as a nation we mourn again for a kid, a baby, whole life to lead, so sad, tragic. I am out of words, it’s very upsetting 

Outside my local police station, the policeman almost cries, police are real people here. Our ways make me not understand the rest of the World. We are not better nor worse, we are just a small country with 4.5 Million people in a country 12% populated. We feel it, it’s real, the policeman nearly cried, you seen him pause, as we watched live as all TV stations in Scotland cut to the police station, we all cried. My wife, my 2 sons and I. We didn’t know what to say. We knew the kid, we knew the family. In the end the Mother admitted it and did the right thing by not putting the family through a murder trial. May both Mikeeal and Scott R.I.P x

Mikaeel Kular and murder mum  Rosdeep Kular from the area I grew up as a kid

Mikaeel Kular and murder mum Rosdeep Kular from the area I grew up as a kid

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/town-mourning-after-tragic-five-year-old-4762362#rlabs=4

http://news.stv.tv/stirling-central/302691-mother-remains-in-police-custody-as-scott-chirashi-named-as-victim/