Being stuck with negative emotion after a loss in life can change us, being stuck in the darkness of sadness when our life changes for the worst can and will change the strongest of us. I would never sit here or anywhere and claim to know the truth or say I understand how your sadness, or any emotion can be stopped. Right now I personally am in a personal Hell. I don’t write for me because I can openly talk to the right people. It is hard to talk, and it’s not something I enjoy, but I have to fight, like you I have reasons and people to fight for. You are not the only one hurting or sad, depressed or nearing the end of your patience with life, far from it! This is a Taboo subject that not many people can open up about, and this is totally understandable and allowed.
Recently, through NHS neglect I have found myself opened up to pain and emotions I have not felt for a long time. Like you I was once happy, living, caring, social, I could go out into the World and join in. When I say NHS neglect I must pull that emotion back and say it’s just human error. People put us on Drugs, we become addicted, and then they take us off them and leave us in utter HELL because our body is craving the drug. I must now turn the coin around and say ‘Alcohol and Drugs’ are not the answer. Drs put me on about 12 different drugs over the last Decade and a half, and today I am happy to try and understand why I have to let these drugs leave my system, but it’s the hardest thing I have ever done, but like you maybe, I need put on Drugs that HELP, Drs may have already killed me. I must say if it wasn’t for FELLOW SUFFERERS I may have given in already. I am told ‘There is a light at the end of the tunnel of pain’ – I can’t yet even see the tunnel, let alone the light. Today I am suffering, but those closest to me, and I mean as close as could be, are suffering worse, because I CHOOSE to trust a Drs advice on ‘Smothering it all with prescribed drugs’ – I have 2 little girls in this house and this is hidden from them, think Daddy has a sore knee, but they are 7 and 8 years old, I know it will break their heart when we have to tell them all about life THEY ARE THE REASON I am typing this at around 4am on a freezing cold Scottish night. Already I have been here an hour, but slowly I am getting the words out somehow. Yesterday (Wednesday) my body went into sever withdrawal and a few organs started to close down. But I made it through another day. I want to RIGHT NOW take my own life to make life better for those I love or call friend. But my Daughters need me, so I can’t be selfish; I have to ‘Man up’ and become strength. The first people I hope to see this strength are my Daughters and their Mother. I can only try, all I can write in this moment is ‘I am trying’ – I walked away from almost everyone I used to love being around, I chase people away because I an angry, but its ok, sometimes we should and can be angry. As I said above, others leave us clues. I hope you can find your way to cope. This isn’t mine, but I am reaching out in the hope the RIGHT PEOPLE read and reach back. The song below starts around 40 seconds in, they lyrics are too much for some, but some of us can live with this music. The proof of this is, it’s a video. It isn’t fair, it hurts and it’s ok to not be ok.
MORE LOVE, LESS HATE