The Broken Family Unit – It’s a Global Selfish Uncaring World!! God is Money!

Lately as I wake up to an uncaring World torn between what they desire and what they think they want, and also the lust for Money everywhere is very hurtful to stand back and watch. I remember when I was a child in the 1980’s, Family was close, if one fell, we all fell, then helped each other back up. Today the ‘Family Unit’ is broken and all I can see is Money and Ego getting in the way. My Father is in his early 70’s and lives on a small Island somewhere; he has Dementia and NOBODY CARES, NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT HIM. It seems I am the ONLY person who keeps in touch with my Father, he has NOBODY really, he is alone with his thoughts and I have no idea being 700 miles away and unable to travel to him for ‘Many’ reasons, how bad things are for him, and everyone else is just caring about the people they stayed close too, like siblings, MY OWN, who turned away to the other side of whatever family. Jesus, the more I think about it, can I blame them? Pause for thought Shaun!

Me and my Nana in 1973

I remember when my Dads Mother, my Nana passed away, she died alone and unhappy. Often I think back to her, the top of my Family Tree and cry. I cry because ‘SOMETHING’ made people walk away from her, in the end she died alone and thinking nobody cared. I took ALL the blame because I was a bad kid, but I still tried, as I did along with one Aunt who sadly passed too were the ONLY PEOPLE to try. I visited most nights to make sure my Nana was in bed ok, the gas was turned off and she was safe. This was back in the 1990’s. I remember the wake after the funeral, the guilt I felt was self inflicted. My Aunt who has sadly passed away was there and came to me. She gave me a hug and said “Penny for your thoughts” I then told her what was on my mind, my Aunt cried a little and said words that helped, and I will never forget her for that and many reasons.

Edinburgh, Scotland – My Home

20 years on and my Family on BOTH SIDES is broken, I don’t see my own Sons any-more as ‘THEY DON’T WANT TO GET INVOLVED’ But involved in what? Life? Family? Love? Yeah it’s a confusing emotion. My own Mother is in a bad place and it’s SO HARD as I have NO IDEA how bad things are for her, not a clue, nobody speaks, nobody seems to give 2 fucks any more. It’s all ‘Me, Me, Me’ wherever I go, the IRONY of it all is wherever I go it’s all about ‘SHAUN’, and this is from people I have never seen in 20 years or seen in the passing a few times over the time we had two sons I am so proud off along with their Mother and now 2 little girls that literally keep me alive. But looking back I look back and smile, Edinburgh is my home, I want to leave the mess behind, but Edinburgh taught me all I know. Life just happens but Family from Childhood all moved away from Edinburgh, often I ask myself “IS EDINBURGH SO BAD” I don’t think so, it’s a beautiful place

[MUSIC VIDEO] The Lake Poets ‘EDINBURGH’
Via: The Lake Poets on YouTube

Memories

I see a World so uncaring, so Money oriented, so scared of ‘EMOTION’ it hurts, afraid to ‘Talk deeply’ even one time and move away from it. I have never left my Childhood in the sense I am still living my life around the same people and same area of Edinburgh, Scotland. But the Family unit IS BROKEN wherever I look, anywhere I look, most if not all families just DON’T CARE, and the ones who do care are selective on WHAT SIDE OF FAMILY THEY CARE FOR, sadly many chase the money and side-step people who are ill. It’s horrible to watch. Again I am ‘Irony’ I know it! But like many I get blamed always, so I may as well be irony and just take blame right?

I have two little girls here aged 8 and 7 years old; they are starting to take note of NO FAMILY. They don’t know why, I MUST take some blame as I do have a car but LIFE JUST SAYS I CAN’T DRIVE SOMETIMES. My partner does her VERY BEST to show my Girls life, but it’s ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE to sit with Family in all directions be them blood or not these days. People just hate, fear and loath over money or emotions life somehow forgot to teach a generation of people. Where did we go wrong globally, can you see it, do you even care? I know I do, but it’s like trying to fart against a storm to stop if. Yeah Scottish humor right there, got to keep smiling yeah?

What happened to us?

What happened to us all? What happened to you? What happened to me? What happened to us? Will you read this and ACCEPT BLAME? Because these days all I get from these kinds of people is ‘IT’S NOT MY FAULT’, YEAH! People just TAKE THE BLAME. I am a Grandfather in name only; I don’t see my Grandchildren and I am at the stage of giving up on EVERYONE. HOW FUCKING SAD IS THAT? And THEY will read this and just accept and not try to make up. I get it, sadly I understanding it. The worst decision I ever made was to wake up to this World, it’s IN DIRE TROUBLE

Right now if I could I would sell up, get a passport and take my Girls to Australia where I have some family who still ACTUALLY CARE. Recently I had 2 Cousins who flew from Australia to Scotland to spread ashes for a parent they lost and ONLY around 12 people or so showed up from the Scottish side of my Dads side of the Family, a family that is FUCKED. I am irony because I was not there myself, but I respected them by not going as certain people just want to get drunk and cause FIGHTS because they think ‘Being a Tough Person’ suits their style. I was one from 20 people who stayed away TO RESPECT my Australian family, I am not alone, about 10% of the Family turned up for them, Australia to Scotland and THIS!

[NOW HEAR ME OUT FFS] I was on HEROIN Levels of Drugs till a year or so ago till a voice in my head said “Tell the Dr you want out” and my Dr was amazing and changed medication allowing me to wake up JUST ENOUGH to see two little girls beside me, but also others who just ARE NOT INTERESTED in anyone bar themselves, I respect private people, I must respect hate, anger and fear in others because like you, do we have a choice? My pain is no worse nor no less than yours, my issues one and the same as you who read this. Put aside health and money for a moment and I see it, my friends see it, Family I do speak to feel like I do. It’s hurtful and awful.

I can almost remember this, I was always youngest

But Family members of mine will read this and see HATE, ANGER OR FEAR. The 3 emotions one of my Parents pressed me HARD to lose from my mind over many years. Always one of my parents was telling me “Shaun, hate anger and fear will drag you to the grave”!! So I listened and now all I do is hurt. I woke up to a level of dysfunction so badly I just want to smother the pain in drugs and say ‘Not interested’, this morning I TRIED TO REACH OUT TO A BROTHER AND A SISTER due to a worry I have for one of my Parents and I got NOTHING BUT ‘SHIT THROWN BACK IN MY FACE”, same old bullshit like “Aww Shaun!! People get old and it’s JUST LIFE” << WHAT ON EARTH HAS HAPPENED TO US ALL? I am close enough with many people still who hurt people with lack of caring people and it’s so hard to see. I have my life partner here HURTING daily because of lack of love from her OWN! You can’t deny this if you read, BUT YOU HAVE CHOICE TO FIX IT, and we are here should you decide to ‘GET INVOVLED’ in love of Family

I see 1 option for my Daughters, and it’s a new life, new ways, somewhere where people care. My only doubt and question is “DOES IT EXIST?” I fear it does not. But as long as I have air in my lungs and a mind to try hard, I will protect my Daughter from Hate, Anger and Fear like many friends and family and I who have young kids agree on “WE WILL NOT ALLOW OUR KIDS TO GROW UP AND BECOME SELFISH AND UNCARING PEOPLE” And I refuse to do this with my Daughters, AT ANY COST! Even if it hurts me to walk away totally.

I wish I felt the emotion to this picture….1975 I think

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THIS WORLD? I remember a Family so close on all sides, then I seen Drink and Drugs, abuse, hatred and more and people just slowly did what I IRONICALLY AM SAYING HERE…They just walked away! The old saying of “If you can’t beat them, join them” seems my only option for my Daughters. This rant, as it will be called a rant! if anything, it’s just a confused question of ‘HOW AND WHY’ can I help two little girls see love and happiness? I will do my best to search for answers for MY 2 DAUGHTERS!!! I must therefore be like the rest and turn around, walk away and say “I love you, but I must look after my own”

THE IRONY OF IT ALL IS KILLING ME! I am fucking BADLY disabled, my body lives in pain and my mind is FUCKED. Yet I feel I am the only person looking at our kids, all our kids, globally and thinking “HOW CAN I MAKE IT BETTER” – But then I pause, reflect, and KNOW there are people like me who want to mend the ‘Broken Family Unit’. How we sit back and allow each other to hurt and die alone, how we allow our minds to be turned by actions of perversion be them literal or fiscal is beyond my thoughts.

….I am lost, but I must find a way for 2 little girls. AT ANY AND ALL COST. No longer will I allow myself to be #Anger #Fear or #Hate, I purged my soul of these 3 deadly emotions. Sadly most people I see have not, most have 1 or 2 or all 3 emotions of Anger, fear and hate. Why?

It was ACTUALLY fun before….. lol – That is me crying North-West Scotland as my Sibling laughs 😀 Good times!!

Whoever reads this, and I only get about 300/500 reads per day these days [NOT THAT NUMBERS MATTER, I would rather 50 REAL people read it than 1,000 uncaring people read this, I am asking why has our World walked away from itself and to what? Money the illusion of happiness through the illusion of money?  But then I know people reading this will just point the finger back at me and my kind, and allow the circle of #Anger #Hate and #Fear to be in their very minds and souls, and transmit it to their own. So I MUST protect my girls from these emotions, so they grow to be free from these emotions. IF IT’S MY LAST ACT AS A HUMAN, THEN SO BE IT, I ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE WITH LOVE AND A SMILE.

 

When in Rome……..You know the rest surely! We give up on each other too easily. Why?

#Peace

I miss them all…All I knew!

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BLOGGERS FOR PEACE AND SANITY

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

Shaun Gibson Twitter: @ShaunyScot
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Shaun Celtic FC Twitter: @ShaunyCeltic

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS - THIS REPRESENTS 'BETTER' FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS – THIS REPRESENTS ‘BETTER’ FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

 

 

How was 2016 for you? What are your hopes for 2017? – Regret or Hope?

Well that went fast as usual! All the fussing, driving, visiting, consuming things we probably don’t need, but it can be ok to have things for the sake of having things. Way I see life these days is, if you can have something, good for you. 2016 for me was a slight awakening, just enough to notice the damage 4 Evil disabilities were doing to the people I love and like. 2016 was a year I lost TONS of my body fat doing very hard physiotherapy every other day or just days I could. I gave myself ‘maybe’ 20 years more of life, the kicker is I gave myself 20+ years of more pain, worse pain. It’s my hell I will happily take to be there longer and better for them

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I can’t go back the way now, I spent the festive period like us all, like what I said above, my car broke Christmas Eve, my Dog was run over, she is ok now but at the time it was a horrible moment, but in that moment I seen something I can’t explain, but so did someone else, I won’t try and explain, let’s just say I tapped into something bigger than myself, many call it God, I am unsure what it is. The blog below this one is a hint of what I am trying to say here. What REALLY matters is what really matters now, before and when that time comes, I think so

Blog below this one, bit no hate

Blog below this one, but no hate

What did I tap into in 2016? Well me personally it was the minds of others, feelings of others, I just started to notice many more suffer badly, but I also seen some live happy, I guess 2016 helped me pretend better? I mean let’s face it, we all wear masks, I just took my mask off and said “Come ahead life” and I fought back, I gave my mind and body so much pain and confusion it was Evil. I have prayed to God every day almost since I was a little boy here in Scotland, today I still pray, I can’t find Religion, scripture and I can’t look at Jesus as anything more than a Ghandi type figure of his time where your World was like 1,000 miles circular, you were either there or you had no idea it was happening, when people read about it and found blind faith in it’s truth, but that is ok, well it’s ok if it does not harm our World right?

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The World is now tightly together through these Social Media platforms when we can know news from anywhere about anyone as it’s happening almost. Image 2,000 years ago when Baby Jesus probably was born, as I say, you were either there or you had no idea. Like Noah’ Ark and Moses leading people for 40 years in a quest for knowledge, stories get lost in translation. These same principles happen today too, one day I get a cold, 2 weeks later someone asks me if I had Ebola 😀 Seriously just apply logical thinking and you see it all. But we MUST respect those with faith in the Bible who want to believe things so impossible to believe for 2/5th of Humanity, out of all 4,000+ Religions. I learn to respect all that in 2016, but I am just 1 from almost 8 Billion who refuse to stop talking, I am honest today, I have opinions, ask me questions, but don’t deny or get angry over my answers, I see this image many times, it makes more sense today, almost.. lol

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Personally I woke up a tiny bit, just enough to see those around me, I will admit I purged some people, people I will still love and take a bullet for, but I also stepped back towards people who I just can’t be without. 2016 taught me that even when life is pushing you down, you can fight back the best you can and try and be the best you there is, for those around you. We are all flawed, we all make mistakes, some do it on purpose with free mind, some do it blindly or with anger, you know what I am saying here, we can live in light or dark..

Nouela ♫ The Sound of Silence ♫ – (Amazing cover of Simon & Garfunkel’s song)
[VIDEO] ♪ Via: MusicForLife on You Tube ♪

Happy 2017 to the 500 people STILL reading my blog every day, I stopped blogging as it just takes too long, hand spasms and more make it impossible, this took me 2 hours to type, and to those who might read this too, I wish you a happy and healthy 2017 for you and your family and friends. Over the Festive Period my Dog was run over, my car broke and a whole lot more happened that a year ago would have made me angry at someone. This year when bad things happened I just smiled and said “It’s only a car” or “It will be ok” I know what is important now, it’s not my PC, my TV, a car or any other object. What is important is we love the people we need so much they love us back. Over the last few months sadly I have lost people but I gained 2 amazing Daughters-in-laws, a Grandson with a little girl due too, both my sons are Dads or about to be and this made me try harder for them too, but just Yesterday I had a house full of people, so as I step towards a World I am TRYING to wake up too, people are noticing my confusion and helping me. All I can say is “I would help you too” I had a day with 1 Family member yesterday and in this day we found each other again, I hope this happens with more people like the person I had good fun with Yesterday

It was a crazy dream and this is the only way I could explain it

It was a crazy dream and this is the only way I could explain it

I had a dream about a Month ago, so vivid, so real, I awoke and for an hour I had no idea where I was. Was it my, medication, am I just an idiot or was it my 4 Disabilities, was it 1 of them, 2 create pain so bad you kind of get used to it, the other 2 confuse the mind to hell or heaven, it is that hard for me to gulp deep and try and NOT say things I shouldn’t, I am just trying to be the best for my Partner, sons, daughters, daughters in-laws, parents , brothers, sisters and friends. I see it clearly, but I only see it as clearly as I can. Today on the 2nd of January 2017 after a challenging 2016 in a way for me and others close I see a light at the end of an endless tunnel I will keep walking up, but looking back to all the bad or hard moments, I see the ones still standing with me, and I them. Just try, don’t be someone else, be the best you can for the ones who need you. I spent 15 years, wasted 15 years denying myself of who I was becoming, I lied, I was nasty, my word hurt, I was angry but never once did I lay a hand on a loved one, although words do cut deeper. But am I alone? Am I the only person to get things wrong? I don’t think so, all I do know is I did what was best for everyone else . When we do things for ourselves 9 times out of 10 times we will fail, when we see those around us from the young and old and make them our reasons, I promise you it gets a little easier. To everyone, start living or start dying, we all die in the end, so live till your end, we all got one. Not being morbid, just stating facts some might not like… lol

Shawshank Redemption – “Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying.”
Via: Success Mentor on You Tube

❤ Shaun ❤

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BLOGGERS FOR PEACE AND SANITY

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL DISABLED PEOPLE

Shaun Gibson Twitter: @ShaunyScot
Skype Username: shaunyg1973
Shaun Celtic FC Twitter: @ShaunyCeltic

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THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS – THIS REPRESENTS ‘BETTER’ FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

 

♪ Wasn’t Expecting That ♪

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These days as people in my life, also friends online understand how badly my mind has become, they are also helping me by sending me songs, and I love this. Like I said in a few blogs it is my belief that Music is almost a Religion. Why? Well Music is the ONLY conduit of where our souls can connect. Again I am not dismissing other means of ‘Connecting with our World’ don’t exist, neither am I suggesting other ways of connecting our species exist in individual people. This is just my way of thinking and seeing things. But with a disabled mind and disabled body I can only grab hold to what helps me. Sure I pray every day still, something I have done since I was a wee boy here in Scotland. No Religious groups can I connect with, Scripture I can’t totally dismiss but it’s hard to tell if it’s words have meaning. But the real issue of me trying to connect to ‘WHATEVER IT IS’ is held back by people in Relgion who just cast stones at people trying to understand more. This song was given to me by a lad I love to bits, helped the kid grow up. He knew it would touch my soul, and it did. I have said a million times over 4 years of blogging crap that I find it very hard to understand written font, music on the other hand, I get in an instant. Enjoy. It might have some meaning to you

~~~~

Jamie Lawson – Wasn’t Expecting That (Lyrics)
Via Alfonso Lofredo on You Tube

~~~~

@ShaunyScot
@ShaunyCeltic
Skype: shaunyg1973

MORE LOVE, LESS HATE

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THIS SIGN OPPRESSES PEOPLE AS IT DOES NOT REPRESENT ALL OF US

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THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS – THIS REPRESENTS ‘BETTER’ FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

♫ Keep Singing ♫

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Amazing song below. These days I am TOTALLY understanding Music and its power. As a species NOTHING conventional like Politics, Religion, Sport, the list is endless, can keep us together nor keep us agreeing, we disagree on ALL THINGS, well apart from 1 thing, MUSIC! I am trying to fight past 4 HUGE disabilities that effect my mind and body. I can sit and listen to UB40, I can sit and listen to Lionel Richie, just an example. I close my eyes and pretend to sing to my partner, or my family in a room or venue. In my mind’s eye I am laying in my bed, or my spare room sofa, wherever, and I can let the music take me over. I visualise myself singing songs, I know this sounds crazy but I have to control the disabilities that control my mind, so I am fighting back. If I can play a song into my headset or ear-buds and sing it till the end, I feel liberated in my mind, but often in my thoughts of singing any song, whatever I like in that moment, a demon from my past can creep into my performance, the performance in my mind, so my fight is so big, so visible, yet so small and un-noticed, and I write this not for me, I write this so others can TRY. I hope you can. Love this song below, his album went right to number 1!!. Its lyrics are powerful to me, again it applies to me, if you struggle with pain or mind confusion like I do, pick 1 song and don’t stop till you can imagine, feel, and OWN THE MOMENT, in your mind. Strange yes, disabled yes. 😀 But Disabled people can live, breath and try and NOT BE A BURDEN TO OUR LOVED ONES OR/NOR SOCIETY!!! We deserve this, well most of us, I know people HAPPY on disability benefits and drugs from Drs [YEAH, CHEATERS TAKING MONEY OTHERS NEED].

imagesDisabled or not, see how much you own your mind, good fun for some, real for others. Also I have two little girls in this house, I tell them ‘Daddy has a sore knee’, that will do for now, but they MUST see a real man, a man who loves, tries, shows them a healthy relationship with Mummy, make them know fun and laughter and also plant seeds for the bad things. One day they will see boys, I have a job to do so when they see boys they can see a man in there, not a stupid boy. That is my job, well 1 of them, I have to get this right, for them, it’s that simple. Life kills me, but they reward me with something else, I don’t know what yet. Maybe Angels do exist? Till next time, not really in a ‘Bloggy’ place these days, but Music and THE SIGN below can save many people, I just know I need to help. I am told ‘Help yourself 1st’ But I just can’t, I need to help because I know what it’s like to need help in this often amazing or horrible World we all share. Thanks again for a friend helping me construct this share here

Rick Astley – Keep Singing
Via: RickAstleyVEVO on You Tube

When I was a boy
I saw my daddy crying at the steering wheel
And oh, it made me feel so scared

Then there was joy
Found my religion, swimming in a chour of voices
And oh, I knew that I’d been spared

That I’d be saved some sunny day
Saved from throwing my life away
That I’d be saved some sunny day
From throwing my life, throwing my life away

Keep singing, woah, keep singing
Praising to the heavens with my voice ringing
Keep singing, woah, keep singing
Clap to the beat ’till my hands are stinging
And I’d be saved some sunny day
From throwing my life (throwing my life)
Throwing my life (throwing my life) away

And now I understand
I’m a wide eyed father, blessed are the children
Oh our greatest reward
And with these hands
I’ll move a mountain, build a castle to keep you safe
Of this, you know you can be sure

And you’ll be saved some sunny day
Saved from throwing your life away
And you’ll be saved some sunny day
From throwing your life, throwing your life away

Keep singing, woah, keep singing
Praising to the heavens with your voices ringing
Keep singing, woah, keep singing
Clap to the beat ’till your hands are stinging
And you’ll be saved some sunny day
From throwing your life (throwing your life)
Throwing your life (throwing your life) away

Who do you love
When it all comes down to truth
Who do you love
When it all comes back to you
Who do you love
When you’re lying in your bed
Who do you love
Who do you love

Keep singing, woah, keep singing, pray
Keep singing, woah, keep singing, pray
Keep singing, woah, keep singing, pray
Keep singing, woah, keep singing, pray

And you’ll be saved some sunny day
From throwing your life (throwing your life),
Throwing your life (throwing your life) away

~~~~~

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CHANGE THESE SIGNS!!! This sign represents more disabled people than not!

Angels On My Side

My 2 Daughters are making me live again

My 2 Daughters are making me live again

I am not re-blogging again, more just a ‘Hey, how are you doing’ – I am done with my Gym work as it just got too hard, but the weight is gone. I sleep most of the day these days, but I am daring to show the World that ”Disabled People’ or any people cannot just dream, they can act, they can do, become, create and make moments others can feel also. I am about to ROAR again as losing my voice, or ability to be a ‘Team Player’ in life shattered my soul. I have 3 offers from Publishers to tell my story, my life story. I said ‘Yeah’ on 1 condition, that any money I make is placed into a pot where it can help people who are needing help, that is a promise I make, life is not about me, News isn’t even what I want to write anymore, I want to create and live in moments where smiling is what I do even when I am in agony in bed. I always have only ever had 2 choices, live or die, I am going to live. But my quest now is to change this image here that DOES NOT REPRESENT all disabled people. For me personally, well I will not be judged by one more person, the next person to judge me by the 1st image below will be told to go forth and multiply!! I mean this, no hate, no anger, just LETS CHANGE THIS SIGN so people can be respected and allowed to be part of a World that looks and see’s no wheelchair. This is my goal now. I was signed off by the Government in 1999 against my wishes and it nearly got nasty and hard with court cases, in the end I took the easy option of money and free drugs from the Government, that was my choice, but the pain was bad and I was young. Now older the reason for being signed off Work are no longer applicable, I was signed off for LIFE, DUE TO A BAD KNEE!!! Today I have Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain, M.E and another stupid brain condition; I flat out am refusing to be judged BADLY by anyone today. These things restrict my body and mind, but I live in agony, so how much more pain can I give myself today with a clearer mind? I am going to tell myself to ‘Keep on Keeping on’ because ‘Everything will be alright’ and ‘I have angels on my side’ – Please check the amazing song below!!

 

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THIS IMAGE ABOVE DOES NOT REPRESENT A DISABILITY

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS - THIS REPRESENTS 'BETTER' FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

THE ABOVE IMAGE NEEDS CHANGED TO THIS – THIS REPRESENTS ‘BETTER’ FOR SOCIETY TO JUDGE

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Rick Astley – Angels On My Side
Via RickAstleyVEVO on You Tube

~~LYRICS TO ABOVE SONG~~

“Angels On My Side”

Sometimes I just don’t feel like waking up
wanna stay inside my dreams
sometimes I feel like I am breaking up
do you know just how that feels

Hope is for the hopeful
it’s a dream that never dies
faith is for the faithful
I see it in your eyes

And I got angels on my side
I got angels flying high
and everything gon’ be alright
’cause I got angels on my side

I need the people that I really love
to only give me truth
don’t fake it, I can’t take it
my heart is close to breaking
it reminds me of my youth

Hope is for the hopeful
it’s a dream that never fades
faith is for the faithful
And I will not be swayed

‘Cause I got angels on my side
I got angels flying high
and everything gon’ be alright
’cause I got angels on my side

Everything gon’ be alright,
everything gon’ be alright,
everything gon’ be alright,
everything gon’ be alright

Everything gon’ be alright,
’cause I got angels on my side.
Oh, yeah.

Can you see them?
Can you see them?

I got angels on my side
angels flying high
and everything gon’ be alright,
’cause I got angels on my side.

I got angels, you got angels,
everybody got their angels on their side,
everything’s gonna be alright
You got angels, I got angels
everybody got their angels by their side,
it’s alright, it’s alright.
I got angels, you got angels,
everybody got an angel by their side,
we got angels on my side.
I got angels, you got angels,
everybody got their angels by their side,
oh, yeah.

~~~

MORE LOVE, LESS HATE

Shauny

The Gift of Forgiveness

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A friend called  Kathryn Ventura shared this video with me this morning, I used to hate, be anger, and look to blame others for my life, for my weaknesses. But I discovered that by dropping hate, anger and fear, we can free not just ourselves, but help others to the light. My life goals used to be selfish ones, I never gave thought to another person’s feelings, I was irony but not by choice. As I grew and became and found myself, an inner peace I found by myself with a little help I guess, life became fun and free. Money didn’t matter and all that did matter to me was love and being nice. Then I spoil all that and say “I will kill anyone who harms the people I changed for” But am I any different from anyone else? No, we are all the same; we are just different versions of each other. Respecting and allowing our minds and souls to give people hope and help is a virtue by our OWN. No sentient being or higher power can change us, for me that is a placebo, an act of brain washing our own selves. No, to BE, to become, we must tolerate what we dislike in the World and in each other. Yesterday I sat in a Church and watched a gorgeous little girl, 8 years old have her first communion. My partner and I, it was our friends Daughter. As I sat in the Church Yesterday I remembered the old Hymns and I sang. Jesus was above me on a cross. Was that chance? Or was that choice? We can’t answer questions till we understand the question. Understand the question, and then only then we do so can we find the answers. This can be whatever you want it to be; the centre of our World can be anywhere. Try, try and help. But always we must turn the coin around and say “Do not take my kindness as weakness” That phrase there is what we battle every day. Well some of us do. Don’t try, don’t dream. DO! BECOME! AWAKEN! FREE YOUR MIND FROM THE ENCLOSED AND JUST LOVE. Because let me tell you, killing people can happen without blood, and it’s VERY EASY to hate and kill people in that sense. What is hard is ignoring the negative and becoming better not just for yourself, but for everyone around you. We can’t change this World friends, but we can change the World around us as the individual. We must become one; we must accept difference and often hate to see light. Light up the darkness, as it says at the top of all my social media platforms. I don’t want numbers or views, I want to create moments, I did before, and what I am about to do is create more. Shauny.

~~~~~
The Gift of Forgiveness
[VIDEO] Via: Humanity Healing on You Tube
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Why I stand in #Solidarity with Palestine

I started my singing lessons tonight – Amazing fun – Hard Work

Loved the visuals in the training room

Loved the visuals in the training room

So I started my singing lessons tonight, I thought I did average for 1st time as I have not sung a note in a LONG time. My singing teacher shall remain nameless and the company also, unless of course they want free advertising to the right of this on my sidebar. I had a good 1st meeting with my singing teacher, I felt it was a really good start. Like when I was teaching kids and adults football you must prepare well and get your body and mind trained to hit the notes. I have 5 songs I want to sing for 5 people, for 5 reasons, 1 song in particular is “Not the only one” by Sam Smith, I pray I can sing this to the person I want to sing it to one day. The other 4 songs have reasons too. My Little Girl by Tim McGraw, and also Americano’s by Holly Johnson, and another 2 for whatever reason. I had my daily boxing gym work before I went tonight and I wish I had not as the work and effort placed on muscles around the mid-rift of the body I felt as I walked back to my car after some easy to start coaching and tips. I will, as always share my story because I lost my voice and will to live before. Today was the start of something new, January 1st this year in the gym was a start of a new life too. For my partner, 4 kids, little sister, Mother and a few others I do this, but as I was reminded ‘I got to want to do this for myself also’ and that is the hard part. I want it yesterday, I want to bring a roof down by singing yesterday, patience is not my virtue, but the singing teacher I have comes HIGHLY recommended and I trust this person also. I just want to sing a few songs to a few people I love, but I believe we make and create our own luck, luck comes with effort, so today, like all days, I promise everyone my EVERYTHING….. I refuse to let 3 disabilites stop me living any more and I will push as hard as I possibly can to create moments, why? Because moments are what we are left with in the end.

♪ Till the next time ♫

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Everything in my mind I relate to my time as a football manager…

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…Now I am being coached and I really can’t wait to get going.

~~~~~

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♪ This Corner ♪

Denaun – This Corner
Via MilesV117 on You Tube

LYRICS

[Intro]
Hey look let me tell y’all somethin’ alright? What I do, I do. Straight like that. So ain’t no sense in y’all troublin’ yourselves over that, cause man the way I feel right now today

[Verse 1]
I came up on the wrong side of the fence
I gave my family pain and strife and asked them all for strength
But hell in my defense
And I got too much way too fast
My mama told me it won’t last
Now I’m back down on the bottom
Wishin’ that I took another path
I should’ve listened, but my mind was gone
My temper too quick so when my fuse get lit
So when it’s on, it’s on
Yeah, everybody wrong
Yeah, and I’m always right
Yeah, ain’t nobody to blame now
It’s me vs. me, man, this my fight

[Hook]
So don’t look at me like I am the same person I was before
We all deserve a second chance and this time I think I can do more
I’m better

[Post-Hook]
Yeah I put that on my family, all you gotta do is give me the chance
And I can show you that I’m worthy of the trust that you require
Put it all on my shoulders, I’m a fighter, I won’t get tired
When I’m back up in this corner, back up in this corner, tryna get out
Back up in this corner, back up in this corner, gotta get out

[Verse 2]
You think I got none but I got all kind of sense
Stop judgin’ my book by the cover
Maybe you should do a little reconnaissance
I ain’t tryna vent, this ain’t woe is me
It’s nothing owed to me
Get the swan song, I don’t need an ode to me
Shit hopefully holdin’ this rosary’ll keep me out of close calls with the O police
I said I’m tryna be a whole new me
I ain’t tryna do the same old thing
I’m tryna prove to my family that I will not bring
No more trouble around, I ain’t gotta do nothing
But stay out of shit, I ain’t gotta be up in the chaotic
Prolly cause it’s my redemption that I’m entrenched in
And I won’t let anybody deny my vision, it’s my decision
But y’all ain’t listenin’

[Hook]
So don’t look at me like I am the same person I was before
We all deserve a second chance and this time I think I can do more
I’m better

[Post-Hook]
Yeah I put that on my family, all you gotta do is give me the chance
And I can show you that I’m worthy of the trust that you require
Put it all on my shoulders, I’m a fighter, I won’t get tired
When I’m back up in this corner, back up in this corner, tryna get out
Back up in this corner, back up in this corner, gotta get out

[Verse 3]
It’s my gameplan now
To get in this ring and show that I’m a changed man and how
I won’t blow another chance to make you proud
Even though you got the right to hate me now
I know you lost your hope in me
But hopefully I can restore it back where it’s supposed to be
I just want my daughter back, this fight means much more than that
I’m tryna think before I react, I ain’t get the message at first
I tried to ignore the facts
But I’m much older, she’s my soldier, I told you I’d go to war for that
I said your boy is the truth and it’s no lie in him
All he needs is his family with him
Y’all want him ’til it’s no room given
I’ma hit him ’til the ref come and get him

[Hook]
So don’t look at me like I am the same person I was before
We all deserve a second chance and this time I think I can do more
I’m better

~~~


I Will ♫ Hurt ♪ You! I am done trying. I don’t understand the Human Species

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Tonight as my family are at a party, I am not. It was my choice, but a choice forced through pain. I dropped my girls at the party and drove home, made a cup of tea and a friend called  on Twitter had tagged me and a few others into a song. I hadn’t heard this song for many a year and I watched it and it’s lyrics and I felt every word, the song and lyrics are in a video below and they fit perfect for my mind in this moment. Sympathy seems to be what people think what I want in life. The facts are I make friends and then they go away, I send them away, hurt them, and I hide. Before I was in the World, a part of living, out most nights doing things I was passionate about, and here I am on self destruction mode again. I don’t have a ‘Death Date’ sadly, I have been pain for 17 years now, a pain I am told that is similar to someone moments from Death with Aids or Cancer. I never thanked the Hospital Dr for telling me that because placebo can play tricks on the human mind. I hurt people, I walk away from people and it’s my choice. Thing is, I HATE MYSELF FOR DOING WHAT I DO. 006_LifeIsNotMeasured.11I have 3 disabilities and in the end I am just always playing the sympathy ‘Disabled Card’ But never with intention. The pain I am in just now would drive many to suicide and it does. I won’t do that. But I must maybe leave or go and find something I can connect with, because all I do is hurt the people I love and almost kill people who look at me the wrong way. This is my blog, my page, my words. They are mine to keep and to own, please, if you don’t like them then don’t reply, go fuck off. If you are a friend talk to me in private or something. I am sick of being this version of myself. I WILL HURT YOU, I am going through hell, no matter what I do or say I hurt people. The disability acted for me and people walked away from me. Thanks for understanding pain and hurt! I know everyone has a story, hurt, pain, an issue, a life, I GET THAT. But I remember a World where people actually fucking cared. I am sorry to swear but I don’t belong with this species, I know several people like me, they are not ill, they are just people I love to talk to, some in my life, some on-line as is today’s ways when we embrace social media. I don’t get the Human Special, I feel Alien to you all. But I don’t hate, PLEASE remember that. Also my pain is typing for me here, my lack of medication is acting for me here.

Ain’t life a motherfucker? 😀

~~~

Johnny Cash Hurt with lyrics
Via Kyle72895 on You Tube

~~~

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Do The Right Thing You Get Hated, Do Crime & Drugs You Get Liked, Both Fake – The Real Conundrum

My son did this for me, this is 'Nice Shaun' I don't know if I can be him no more, it's too hard you know...I am just writing here, that's all

My son did this for me, this is ‘Nice Shaun’ I don’t know if I can be him no more, it’s too hard you know…I am just writing here, that’s all

By @ShaunyNews  The medication is slowly leaving my body, slowly. I remember the day Dawn and I sat down as two partners in our early 20’s and asking if ‘Old Shaun’ didn’t go, we would have problems. Honest to God, the day I decided to stop crime and taking heroin and what other crap I was on, the pain came. I already had a really bed left leg, suddenly the pain spread, I spent the next 10 years, even now a little asking “Is this Karma” I think when a person decides to better themselves good things should happen, for their family and kids, like millions Worldwide, I got the pain, over the 16 years or so I have had this pain it just gets worse. My decision to take the Dr’s poison is a hard gig, but if I don’t ‘Old Shaun’ comes back and its ‘GAME OVER’ Sadly this poison I am on has left me forgetting what I said 20 minutes ago never mind 20 years ago, the gaps are there, just, the good memories are there, the bad ones I let go, people say ‘You did this’ and I think ‘Who is this fool talking about’ YEAH, FIBROMYALGIA IS THE DEVILS DISEASE, YOU FORGET A LIFE AND BLOCK OUT THE BAD PARTS

I wrote this, guest blog, https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ I did this on July 2nd 2013, nearly 2 years now. My brother left a comment in there, he knows what I seen and told was the truth and he left a reply, I could only thank him for confirming I wasn’t making it up, with medication in me I could easily make a life up, I try not do that, we all try to do that right?

This shit sounds easy

This shit sounds easy

I am now at a crossroads, as the medication leaves my body, slowly, I find ‘Old Shaun’ returning. I threatened a person this morning, not my son’s or a blood relative, just someone that has a big mouth and best learn to shut up, I am not in the mood for games, I have lost enough with this fecking disease, I can’t lose more, I just can’t. So I am left in a state of stagnation I guess.

I re-read that article above earlier and it felt like a dream, like I was writing about a movie I had seen, at the time I had to change and edit it about 100 times, check the URL you will see what I mean. The Word ‘Murder’ was in the original draft. The deal was I had 2 months till publication, I did the first draft and was told ‘BRILLIANT’ But I kept going over it and removing content I knew I could not write here nor anywhere. I am writing a book, MY GOD IT’S HARD TO WRITE A BOOK! I will get there and much of what I wrote above will be in the book as I have said before.

As I lay here in bed almost screaming in many forms of pain the suggestion of returning to my old ways seems a road that would be easier. See hate and anger come easy, none of us need try, it’s a natural human emotion, to fight these emotions and be decent, even when there is no decent or good is hard, to stay calm when you can’t is hard. I am sitting thinking now “The old ways would make today easier” I don’t need money, that is not a reason, the reason is simple, the drugs and lifestyle is easy, it’s a comfort zone for me. I did unspeakable things only I know about, I had saying “The less anyone knows the less the police know” and it’s something I used to use in the old days

This song here reminds me of my criminal/drug past.
If I asked I got, if I said fuck off, people fucked off.
When I was a bastard I had respect, maybe fear, not sure.
I am losing respect due to this fucking illness, what the fuck.
___________________________________________________________
Shake That Ass -Eminem Feat. Nate Dogg (Dirty & Lyrics)
Via Tyler Angell on You Tube

I just have to say here, to go back the way because it seems easier as I sit when it’s hard is tempting. The writing would stop and a ‘New life’ would begin. I will become hate; I will demand respect and not act well if it’s not given. Often these days when I feel a lack of respect the ‘Old Shaun’ is in the back of my mind with suggestions I MUST deny. I can’t go back the way but what if that choice leaves my hands, what if going back is my only choice? I lose, I lose everything, but as I sit in bed here and type this I feel I have lost, lost big. I hope the lack of medication and the pain are playing games with my mind here, I am unsure, I know nobody cares, but I write, I am almost at 1 Million views, people choose to read, this is a personal write up here, intended for me to just let off some steam I am guessing, I hope so, I am no use to my partner 2o years ago, today

I am just ‘Some guy’ trying to exist and co-exist with the people around me. Lately the anger has been there. I dread ‘Old Shaun’ as all his old friends live less than a mile from me. So I guess I will have to see what help my family offer, what friends notice and say, how Dawn and my two sons react, all the while keeping in mind there are two young princess’s I must stay on this road for. One thing that has been going on for the last few years are certain people, all family, some blood, some sadly I have to pretend are alive, they talk to me like I am 20 year old, sadly the worst part and something that boils my blood are these idiots who say my name when I am not there. I don’t take that immature road in life, I say to faces, I am brave, I guess I expect everyone else to be the same.

I dislike on-line tough guys, people who threaten you from 5,000 miles away, or 5 miles away, makes me smile

I dislike on-line tough guys, people who threaten you from 5,000 miles away, or 5 miles away, makes me smile

 

One guy in particular, likes to act the ‘Tough Guy’ with words he wouldn’t utter in my presence. In reality his underwear would fill up should I look at him in the same room. What you do with that? I know what I used to do, but that was before. Do I deal or take another card? I figure what will happen will happen, sadly this person faked things and more and tells lies like I moan about my pain, a proper Charlie this guy is, if my Daughters suffer due to his words, what do I do? What would you do? I am asking anyone who is reading.

Oasis – Cigarettes & Alcohol
Via noelgallagherlegend on You Tube

Maybe it’s the disease, maybe it’s lack of medication, maybe it’s ‘old Shaun’ stepping forward. Either way, I don’t want to have to deal with this pathetic human being, he is a known liar , fool and loner, it would be a huge liberty, but he is effecting my life, he needs to learn to use his lips better in-front of others. I don’t want to, I hate myself for even thinking what I want to do but we all have a line, my line is same as yours, it has a ‘Do not cross’ sign on it, and this person and a few others should know, I am disabled, are they taking a liberty with me, same as I would with them? I will find out and what will be, will be, it has to come to a head, or maybe he reads this and gets on with his own crap existence and everyone sleeps better?

A few months ago a friend committed suicide, he fought the same demons as I do, as we all do I guess, rest assured I won’t do that, but the Devil or what name you want to give him is calling my name, “Dining with the Devil” is FINALLY agreed the title of my book. I can only be a human being, I can only be flesh and skin like everyone. Temptation to be a bastard again with this pain would be so very easy. I write this but the words are coming from a place I don’t like or know any more. When you decide to sing, write, paint, any art form, you expose your raw soul to the World, that is just the way the shit rolls. So there it is, answers on a postcard to “Shauny, Edinburgh, Scotland, near the forth road bridge” I will get it 😉

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

Rant over, for now

Shaun

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