Tonight as my family are at a party, I am not. It was my choice, but a choice forced through pain. I dropped my girls at the party and drove home, made a cup of tea and a friend called on Twitter had tagged me and a few others into a song. I hadn’t heard this song for many a year and I watched it and it’s lyrics and I felt every word, the song and lyrics are in a video below and they fit perfect for my mind in this moment. Sympathy seems to be what people think what I want in life. The facts are I make friends and then they go away, I send them away, hurt them, and I hide. Before I was in the World, a part of living, out most nights doing things I was passionate about, and here I am on self destruction mode again. I don’t have a ‘Death Date’ sadly, I have been pain for 17 years now, a pain I am told that is similar to someone moments from Death with Aids or Cancer. I never thanked the Hospital Dr for telling me that because placebo can play tricks on the human mind. I hurt people, I walk away from people and it’s my choice. Thing is, I HATE MYSELF FOR DOING WHAT I DO. 
I have 3 disabilities and in the end I am just always playing the sympathy ‘Disabled Card’ But never with intention. The pain I am in just now would drive many to suicide and it does. I won’t do that. But I must maybe leave or go and find something I can connect with, because all I do is hurt the people I love and almost kill people who look at me the wrong way. This is my blog, my page, my words. They are mine to keep and to own, please, if you don’t like them then don’t reply, go fuck off. If you are a friend talk to me in private or something. I am sick of being this version of myself. I WILL HURT YOU, I am going through hell, no matter what I do or say I hurt people. The disability acted for me and people walked away from me. Thanks for understanding pain and hurt! I know everyone has a story, hurt, pain, an issue, a life, I GET THAT. But I remember a World where people actually fucking cared. I am sorry to swear but I don’t belong with this species, I know several people like me, they are not ill, they are just people I love to talk to, some in my life, some on-line as is today’s ways when we embrace social media. I don’t get the Human Special, I feel Alien to you all. But I don’t hate, PLEASE remember that. Also my pain is typing for me here, my lack of medication is acting for me here.
Ain’t life a motherfucker? 😀
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Hurt with lyrics
Via Kyle72895 on You Tube
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Skype Username: shaunyg1973
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Sometimes being with other people can exacerbate the pain your are already feeling. Better to be alone with it than let the tension of dealing with others make you suffer more.
Be well spiritually matey if not bodily. 🙂
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Yeah, like a bubble. Often I put myself in one and write here because it would be unfair to show my girls or son’s these emotions or pain, whatever they are.
Spiritual thinking is a good way to be, always wondering about things, never fully 100% sure on things, but that is healthy I think. An open mind does more than a mind closed by whatever means it has been…
Cheers bud, good comment..
This was almost 3 years ago now..I just read it and WOW have been on some journey 😀 All good mate.
https://shaunynews.com/2013/03/05/when-we-place-ourself-in-a-private-bubble-from-life/
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I agree and respect people who don’t want to face that hurt. I think my message here was “It works for me”.. I never write or share anything and force my opinions to people, but I will debate a person to the point they get lost often. This was for me, about me. At a time I am in deathly pain and my mind screams for medication. I have no choice but to meet this level of ‘Hurt’..But I am facing it and I can’t wait for the day I don’t have to define it as it is today.
I am low on choice of ‘what I can be faced with’ in terms of many emotions. I would not wish hurt on anyone, but although my body hurts, this is the expressive area of my mind trying to connect to my body’s pain…
…And I will win. I won before. I have to win.
x
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The pain is seeing loved ones watching me. The pain is mine to keep. But what it does to people around me is my battle. I am not a selfish man, hoping someone can take my pain and make it their own. My pain is not being able to be a regular Dad, partner, son, brother and friend. I have all of the above but the pain makes it so hard… I think if pain came to you tomorrow you would fight it. I know so many people with what I have, maybe less pain or more pain, but we can’t match each others pain. Some stay silent to their pain be it physical of mental…Some need to #OffLoad it..
x
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Just the Shaun I have always been and always am. Truthful. Don’t expect a Scotsman to tell you a lie about life…We say what we mean, mean what we say. As always said. Cultural differences..I will share a joke that people would get as JUST A JOKE over here… “I would rather be myself in Scotland than the USA”….That was just humour Anne…Nobody means that crap. Often people have to learn the Scottish way to understand Scottish people. This is why, like the Irish..We have been tagged “Friendliest people on Earth”…People say “Always tell the truth”…All I do online is share the truth about our World. My World is not important. So I am doing what people want.
I am glad you called it Classic..
In reality….it is just normal..
(ISH)
😀 I know you may fail to see the humour, so I will add some 😀
x
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Really?
I never 😦
LOL 😀 LOL
x Skype me…Please x
I hope you and yours are doing ok in an ever dull January the World is like “Ahh crap, funs over, back to shacking the bush for the boss” – You might not get the bush joke, but I think you will 😀 x
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Grand 😀
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